The Rant

Best of '06, Pt. 4

2007-01-10T19:15:00.000-05:00

5. Sean Lennon – Friendly Fire

Living up to his pedigree will probably never happen for Sean Lennon. Nor should it; his father was arguably the most important songwriter of the 20th century. What is so refreshing about Sean is that he moves on as if it doesn’t matter who his parents are – he is his own man (a man who happens to write really good songs and may be one of the best arrangers in pop music). This album is a complete turnaround from the analog synth/bossa nova/fuzz bass of his debut album; instead we get a refined pop album, with strings, acoustic guitars and vocal harmonies at the forefront. In fact, it is almost reminiscent of another 2nd generation singer/songwriter, Rufus Wainwright. Lennon’s nasal voice floats above many of these recordings with a breathiness that adds to the sublimity of the arrangements. And then, all of a sudden, you get some weird stuff thrown in to remind you that his mom is probably the best known avant-garde multimedia artist of all time and that he’s logged time playing with Cibo Matto and John Zorn.

My only gripe about this record is that it took so long to come out – only two albums in eight years. In that way, and in only that way, I wish he were more like his father. Standout track: “On Again Off Again”

4. Frank Black – Fast Man Raider Man

The double album – gluttony or glory? Use Your Illusion or the White Album? London Calling or The Wall? Depending if you are stupid or not, you may not know which 2 of those double albums are glorious. Typically, I am a fan of the double album, because I am not a fan of songs being locked in a vault somewhere – if it is recorded, if the fidelity is good and it doesn’t completely blow, put it out. However, with the advent of the internet, I see the information superhighway as the perfect place for what used to be thought of as filler or leftovers – which means that in the 21st century, the double album might be dead. Frank Black is my favorite living songwriter, and I think probably the only artist who I generally don’t doubt when picking up their new album. However, this double record follows his weakest album of his career, 2005’s Honeycomb. And it featured many of the same players and the same producer who destroyed many a good song last time out. So was I bummed out by the album? Not really.

The first disc of the album was by and large arranged by one of the great unsung musicians of today, Lyle Workman, and featured some great stuff, most especially a relatively uniform sound. Despite tackling an old Scottish standard (“Dirty Old Town”), a hazy drunk dreamscape (“Dog Sleep”), and a ballad about driving across country (“Seven Days”), the disc sounds cohesive. Disc two on the other hand is a hodgepodge of sessions, from different years and different cities that sounds just like that. The most egregious inclusions are the leftovers from Honeycomb, which sound as flat and lifeless as most of that album, mixed in with some new songs that show real spunk. So, disc two is far more of a typical double album ebb and flow feeling.

What does this all mean? It means that the songs are top notch, for the most part, the production/arrangement on disc 1 is pretty stellar, and that disc 2 is hit or miss. But, in the grand scheme of things, the 15 track album I’d have released may have be the best thing released in 2006, but the dead weight weighs it down quite a bit. Standout track: Disc 1: “Dog Sleep,” Disc 2: “It’s Just Not Your Moment”

Best of '06, Pt. 3

2007-01-08T10:47:00.000-05:00

9. Nathan Johnson – Brick: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

This record might be the most guttural purchase of my life. It came from within me and had nothing to do with my brain. As I was sitting in the Arclight Theatre in Los Angeles watching BRICK on the screen, I just needed to have the soundtrack in my hands. As I walked out of the theatre, I stopped at world famous Amoeba Records and bought it on the spot. Many things caused that physical response to the music I was hearing – first and foremost, as a score, it perfectly mirrored the action on the screen. Secondly, the instrumentation was fantastic – the painfully underused clarinet, lots of percussion, all of it sounding like someone had stumbled upon a treasure trove of under appreciated instruments all wanting a home. The music was classical-inspired, but certainly borrowed liberally from the jazz and indie rock traditions. The only real criticism of the record that I can drum up is that it works best with the images – which is exactly what it is supposed to do. It just doesn’t make it the ideal soundtrack to anything other than what it was intended for, so it finds less time in my CD player than inferior music. Standout Track: “Kara’s Theme (The Drama Vamp)”

8. Brightblack Morning Light – Brightblack Morning Light

I mentioned earlier how eMusic has greatly influenced my listening habits this year – this record is prime example of that. I read a few positive reviews of BML, and decided to take a chance. What is so great about this album is the fact that it feels like one long exhale – it just flows out of the band naturally. Swampy, drawn out, bluesy grooves with lots of reverb make it the perfect 90 degrees in a sticky t-shirt stuck indoors record, but it is also a bit more than that. It is dance music for those of us who hate to dance – it has a groove, but rarely a strong beat. You can move, but you don’t have to. It is also, according to every review sans this one, a great record to smoke weed to. As I have never gotten high, I wouldn’t know, but hey, if that’s your bag, then you may love this record like you love Fu Manchu and Kyuss. But for me, it is the sound of humidity – but for once, that is a pleasant sensation. Standout Track: “Star Blanket Morning Child”

7. Robert Pollard – From a Compound Eye

One of Bob’s 6 full length records released in 2006 (I shit you not), this features, in his own words, “the 4 P’s – Pop, Punk, Psych and Prog.” A good ol’ double vinyl release, FACE (a happy coincidence I guess, but the record cover is just Bob’s face, so who knows?) feels like Pollard’s manifesto – this is what I am about – lo-fi in parts, catchy as hell, sprawling, in need of an editor, and a lot of fun. Anyone who has ever seen Bob either solo or in his days in Guided By Voices (I’ve had each pleasure) knows that this guy can drink you and most of your town under the table, and I still fathom at the concept that this guy who drinks so much can be so productive – that is, if he drinks as much off stage as on. Regardless, this is an album that speaks volumes about Pollard’s work ethic – and let’s hope that he continues his rigorous release schedule – because there is nothing missing in modern music today more than bands releasing a record or more a year. Few artists can boast even one a year (look later in this list for an example of one), let alone as many as Bob does. Do I buy them all? No,. But like looking in the window of a pizza parlor, there may be 15 delicious pies ready for consumption, but you only need one today; I only have two of Pollard’s 2006 records and for now, I’m full. But someday perhaps I’ll want to sample another pie. PS – “Gold” totally rips off a song my band in college used to play. Standout Track: “Field Jacket Blues”

6. Thom Yorke – The Eraser

Radiohead fans are stupid. There, I’ve said it. Why? Because they shat all over this record for ‘not being Radiohead-y enough.’ Well, perhaps that is why it is a solo album? Thom Yorke didn’t reinvent the wheel with this album, but he simple made a solid album. A glitchy, laptop record. From the intriguing artwork, to the A Scanner Darkly closing music “Black Swan” to songs about the environment, this is a wholly different Yorke than we’ve seen before, but the hints have always been there. This is also a great argument for why Yorke needs Radiohead – a career of this may not be as satisfying, but as a now and then type deal, I’ll take it any day. Standout Track: “Black Swan”

Best of '06, Pt. 2

2007-01-02T14:20:00.000-05:00

12. Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins – Rabbit Fur Coat (Team Love Records)

A perfect ‘cup of coffee in the office’ record, occasional Postal Service vocalist/full-time front woman for Rilo Kiley, Jenny Lewis made an early bid for my favorite album of the year on the sheer beauty of her voice and the instrumentation on this record. In fact, it would be significantly higher up my list if the lyrics weren’t so blah – I just don’t see Lewis as a great lyricist. Case in point: “Its like cleaning the ocean/what are you going to do, drain it?” However, the quartet she leads with M. Ward, Conor Oberst (Bright Eyes) and Ben Gibbard (Death Cab for Cutie/Postal Service) through the Traveling Wilbury’s “Handle With Care” (perhaps my favorite guilty pleasure ever put to wax) is worth a spot on this list alone. The songs and the emotions behind them are strong, even with the lyrics aren't. Standout Track: "Rise Up With Fists"

11. Ray Davies – Other People’s Lives (V2 Records)

Another early-year favorite of mine, Ray Davies delivers exactly what you’d expect from the sexagenarian Kinks leader – sardonic lyrics, strong melodies, and a few surprises. The surprises? A healthy dose of female backing vocals, the lack of age-appropriate mellowing and the realization that he may still be in the top 5 songwriters alive. The downfall of this album is that there isn’t quite enough variety and, as his live show will attest, Davies can still rock, just not on disc apparently. Here’s to hoping his release schedule from now on is swifter than the decade we had to wait for this one. Standout Track: "The Tourist"

10. Bob Dylan – Modern Times (Columbia Records)

Another '60s holdover who made a damn fine album this year is Bob Dylan. A lot has been said about this album already – you all know he name drops Alicia Keys, plays with a pre-rock and roll feel, and produced the album under the pseudonym Jack Frost. What you may not know? “Spirit on the Water” has perhaps Dylan’s best melody ever, the lead guitar on “Beyond the Horizon” sounds drunk, “Ain’t Talkin’” is his darkest in years and the album flies by it is so enjoyable. If you have any doubts about that gravely voice letting you down again, take the leap – it is well worth it. So what if he aped the cover from a Luna record? Standout Track: "Spirit on the Water"

Best of '06, Pt. 1

2006-12-31T13:17:00.000-05:00

...so that Christmas Podcast never happened. Oh well! It would've rocked you too hard anyway. On to the year end albums list!

The Rant Presents: The Top 14 Albums of 2006

This gets harder and harder each year. Not because there is less good music coming out every year (there isn’t), nor was there a spike in good music this year (there wasn’t) – I simply am becoming less interested in buying exclusively new records. And that has nothing to do with the records themselves – my tastes are just bursting at the seems, and while new music is still my passion, I find myself going backwards as much as I go forward, which never used to be the case. It sort of freaks me out that in one year I could have bought a “obscure [jazz] classic” in the words of the Bad Plus’s Ethan Iverson, a collection of soul/funk from Belize, a reunion record of a late 70s punk trio, a 3-disc retrospective of an obscure British prog label, a compilation of disco-type stuff featuring the cello as the main instrument, the entire Jawbox catalogue, at least 6 Christmas albums and Gnarls Barkley's St. Elswhere. And only three of them came out this year (and none made my Top 14).

Most of my new music this year, however, has come courtesy of emusic.com. This is not a shameless plug; this is a great site. I pay $20 a month and (since I am grandfathered into a now-obsolete plan) get 90 song downloads – usually around 7 full-length albums a month. This makes it much cheaper to enjoy so much new music – and would explain why (by my most recent and hopefully accurate count), I have in my collection, both electronic and physical, 56 albums released this year consisting of all new material – that means no compilations (save one, I’ll explain later), no live records (ditto last retracrtion), no box sets, etc. The unfortunate side effect of this is that through emusic I get so many songs that certain albums I have in my possession I have not heard yet (8 of the 56 have not received enough listening time [or in some cases, any at all] to be considered for review).

So by doing a “Top 14” of the year, I’m roughly deciding which quarter of the albums I bought and have absorbed this year are worthy of praise (which is a bit unfair, since I think all of them deserve at least something positive said about them – I wouldn’t have bought them if I didn’t think they were worth my time). Why 14? Of my list, 14 immediately stood out as my favorites – so I’m not going to cough up 6 more or cut 4 to make the list tidy. It is my list, and I’ll do as I please. And of course, there are loads of albums that were released in 2006 that I have not heard, or even heard about, that I will someday own and love, as well as albums that I currently own that will one day surpass my Top 14 as my favorites from this year. In other words, this list is pretty much a crock. But a crock I hope you enjoy.

-B

14. Bob Rice – Nowhere Else To Go (Monster Ants Records)

Bob Rice is a songwriter of the highest caliber. Yet, because of people’s lack of open-mindedness he will never be as revered as any of the other musicians on this list. Why? Because he sings exclusively Christian music, and people associate Christian music with lameness. And granted, there are plenty of lame Christian artists, but there are also plenty of lame secular artists. However, Bob falls in neither camp. His songs are melodic, dense and rewarding, and this album – a sort of genre exercise to include a ‘bluegrass’ feel to his songs – is no exception. Maybe I just have a strong familiarity with the sound Bob is going for, but this sounds a lot like his other stuff to me, which is more than ok. Stand-out track: “In the Land of My Exile”

13. Beach House – Beach House (Carpark Records)

Many albums give you a cornucopia or sounds and colors; Beach House doesn’t. It gives a pretty consistent listening experience throughout its nine tracks. Saturated with fuzz and reverb, this beautiful album takes you to a place not unlike Mazzy Star did ten years ago. Similarities may exists between Mazzy and Beach House, but BH has a sound all its own – a bit noisier and more dirge-like at times than Mazzy Star ever were. Stand-out track: “Apple Orchard.”

The Bad Plus DO THE MATH Questionnaire

2006-12-18T09:50:00.000-05:00

GIVE US AN EXAMPLE OR TWO OF AN ESPECIALLY GOOD OR INTERESTING:

1. Movie score. "Brick" by Nathan Johnson (plus a great modern day noir-ish piece - highly recommended [both the score and the film])
2. TV theme. "Quantum Leap" by the ubiquitous Mike Post (gets stuck in your head for years), "Six Feet Under" by Thomas Newman
3. Melody. Seasonal answer: "Christmastime is Here" - Vince Guraldi/Lee Mendelson
4. Harmonic language. Frank Zappa - "Peaches En Regalia," The Band - "The Weight"
5. Rhythmic feel. Tom Waits - "16 Shells From a Thirty-Ought-Six," Minutemen - "Swing to the Right"
6. Hip-hop track. "What's Up Fatlip?" by Fatlip
7. Classical piece. Shostakovich String Quartet #4
8. Smash hit. "Take on Me" - A-Ha, "In Dreams" - Roy Orbison, "Kiss" - Prince
9. Jazz album. "Mingus Ah Um" - Mingus, "Turning Point" - Bley/Gilmore/Motian/Peacock, "A Love Supreme" - Coltrane, "Believe" - Scott Amendola Band
10. Non-American folkloric group. Bembeya Jazz National (Guinea), Mamadou Diabate (Mali)
11. Book on music. "Our Band Can Be Your Life" - Michael Azzerad, "Chronicles, Vol. 1" - Bob Dylan, "The Beatles Complete Recording Sessions"

BONUS QUESTIONS:

A) Name an surprising album (or albums) you loved when you were developing as a musician: something that really informs your sound but that we would never guess in a million years: "Rocks" by Aerosmith

B) Name a practitioner (or a few) who play your instrument that you think is underrated: Nate Mendel/Sunny Day Real Estate

C) Name a rock or pop album that you wish had been a smash commercial hit (but wasn’t, not really): Mike Watt's "Ballhog or Tugboat?"

D) Name a favorite drummer, and an album to hear why you love that drummer: Tim "Herb" Alexander, "Frizzle Fry" by Primus

- - - - - -

Back later this week with my "Brian's Guide to Christmas" Podcast...

Discollective/Mog

2006-11-28T21:37:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone,

Despite not really blogging here much, i'm still writing. Currently, my review of Paul McCartney's McCartney is the featured review on Discollective, but in case you see this in few days, the permalink is here.

Also, earlier this month i started a Mog here, and although this too has been neglected recently, i will be doing all my year-end music stuff on both Mog and here, eventually moving stuff over there, as the interface is far superior to blogger.

-Brian

New Bluets Post/Metsies

2006-09-20T16:38:00.000-04:00

The first in my three-part series about 'road' songs called Blacktop is up over at Bluets. This first part is "Midwestern Highways." And, as always, check out all the other writers' work as well.

- - - - - - -

Congratulations to the New York Mets, the 2006 National League East Champions! Let's get to the Series now, boys.

Small Talk

2006-09-13T10:45:00.000-04:00

I'm kicking myself for not including Smokey Robinson's "You've Really Got A Hold On Me" in my Top 20 of the 60s...

- - - - - -

Popmatters, yet again, has made my day. This article on a variation of the slow dance made me laugh out loud and cringe at the same time. Pure, undeniable, genius. Bravo

- - - - - -

I'm going to see The Bad Plus on Thursday, and am quite excited. I had totally forgotten about the show and then today realized it was tomorrow and sort of freaked out.

I am also excited about the Glen Kotche/Nels Cline show on Monday. Between those and the excellent Miles Davis live album my dad gave me (Black Beauty: Miles Davis At Fillmore West), this is one of the jazzier weeks in recent memory.

- - - - - -

Oh, and i'm going to Game 1 of the NLDS! Let's go Mets!

All Hail to the Nerd

2006-09-12T13:07:00.000-04:00

http://www.popmatters.com/columns/wagner/060912.shtml

Top 10 of the 1960s

2006-09-12T10:06:00.000-04:00

I want everyone to make their lists: what are the top 10 songs of the 1960s?

Inspired by Pitchfork.

My top 20 (i get 20, its my blog dammit), which will chang momentarily i'm sure:

1) "God Only Knows" - the Beach Boys
2) "Blackbird" - the Beatles
3) "A Love Supreme" - John Coltrane*
4) "Victoria" - the Kinks
5) "In My Life" - the Beatles
6) "A Minha Menina" - Os Mutantes
7) "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" - the Beatles
8) "Money Jungle" - Duke Ellington with Charles Mingus and Max Roach
9) "Happy Together" - the Turtles
10) "I Shall Be Released" - Bob Dylan
11) "Waterloo Sunset" - the Kinks
12) "The Weight" - the Band
13) "These Days" - Nico
14) "Subterranian Homesick Blues" - Bob Dylan
15) "Willie the Pimp" - Frank Zappa featuring Captain Beefheart
16) "19th Nervous Breakdown" - the Rolling Stones
17) "In My Room" - the Beach Boys
18) "Then He Kissed Me" - the Crystals
19) "I Want to Take You Higher" - Sly and the Family Stone
20) "You Never Give Me Your Money" - the Beatles

*i know its a whole album, but it is four parts of the same song

Bluets

2006-08-23T11:26:00.000-04:00

I am now officially part of Bluets, a music blog that each month will feature a series of articles on a certain topic. August is music in movies. I'll be posting my first piece either today or tomorrow. My three co-conributors are Steve and Tre from the UK and Kathrynn from Oregon. Two girls, two guys, two Brits, two Americans and a blog. Hopefully you'll enjoy our writing.

Awesome way to start my work day

2006-08-23T09:21:00.000-04:00

So i walk into my office this morning, and flip on the lights - except the lights aren't working. Literally, the first thought as i enter the office today was "Am i having a lucid dream?"

14 Year Old Brian is Freaking the Fuck Out

2006-08-22T12:53:00.000-04:00

Back from Hiatus

2006-08-21T10:31:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody, i'm back and ready to go after my nearly 2 week layoff. It's been a busy two weeks, but a lot of fun. This week shall too be busy (Mets game, 3 Frank Black shows {last one tonight}, Joanna Newsom/Neko Case show), but i'm going to hopefully have a bit more time to post. So, here we go:

- - - - -

Yet another plug for Tim Young's Contrast Podcast. I'm on the current one (This One Goes Out To...) and will be on the subsequent two as well. If you haven't subscribed yet, you're high. It's amazing - the contributors are all great and the mix of music is unprecedented.

- - - - - -

Later this week, i will be posting my second Rantcast. It's a little later than i wanted it, but oh well. I'm going to do two a month, and i wanted to do it on the 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month, but that isn't going to happen this month. Also, i'll re-post the first one in a lower bitrate when i post the new one. Basically, between my blog, my Rantcast, my inclusion on the Contrast Podcast and my work over at Frank Black Dot Net (and their podcast), i'm the new king of all media. Eat shit, Stern.

- - - - - -

This week i have become painfully aware of how i am not a solo-acoustic type performer by taking in a trio of solo acoustic performances in Brooklyn. First, i saw my good friend Dan D'Ippolito perform as Attention Driver at Galapagos Art Space. Dan is very graceful on stage and manages to make his intricate playing looking nearly effortless. And even though he says he doesn't like it, he appears to the naked eye to be very comfortable on stage.

Then, on Saturday night i saw back to back acoustic sets by Frank Black, my favorite living songwriter, at Southpaw. FB doesn't have the guitar skills of Mr. D'Ippolito, but his raw style when taken in with his incredible vocal range and unique songs make for a stunning, attention grabbing set. 20+ songs, ranging from old Pixies barnburners to meditations on divorce and even a song about the Three Stooges - these shows showed me that i simply can't do that. I like to perform, but i don't think i'm cut out for the singer/songwriter acoustic milieu. At least not right now.

- - - - - -

I'm starting to get excited about a few new records coming out in the next few months. While the major labels are hoping that OutKast, Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera can save this shit year, i am looking forward to a different trio of records (although i would like to hear the first two records i mentioned). I'm looking forward to:

Mosquitos III - the third album from NYC by way of Brazil and Jersey City trio Mosquitos. Lead singer Juju is in my top 5 dream women list (somewhere between Lea Thompson in her Enchantment Under the Sea Dance dress from Back to the Future and the girl from PCU i re-fell in love with yesterday). Think “The Girl from Impanea” meets Calexico having an affair with Cake. Drops in early September (record release party Sept. 6 at Joe’s Pub).

Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards – A new, three-disc (!) set from Tom Waits, rounding up some old tunes and 30+ new ones. One disc (Brawlers) is blues-based, one disc (Bawlers) is full of ballads, waltzes and Celctic tunes, and the last disc (Bastards) is full-on experimentation. Very, very excited for this. It will be released Nov. 21.

Friendly Fire – I am a very big admirer of Into the Sun, the first album by Sean Lennon, and am looking very much forward to his new one, coming out September 26. It would be very easy to dismiss Lennon simply on his dad’s legacy (John Lennon, ex-Beatle, for the bizarrely ignorant), but his first album included bits of jazz, bossa nova and electronic music. He has also played with people like Cibo Matto, Brian Bell (from Weezer) and Ben Kweller. The album also features a disc of short films that correlate to the tracks. Should be interesting to say the least…

- - - - -

With Pedro on the DL and now Glavine having arm issues, the top three of the Mets rotation looks like this: Trachsel, El Duque, John Maine. Although I have varied amounts of faith in those three, I am hoping that Pedro (at least) is back from the post-season, and my prayers are with Tommy G, as he is probably the most consistent of the Mets’ staff this year.

Rantcast Info/Harp/More

2006-08-08T13:22:00.000-04:00

So, Brian, why is your podcast file so huge? Simple, really...

I didn't want to sacrifice sound quality for time. 99% of people i know (cough cough Erin cough cough) have high speed internet, so take the extra time and have it sound good. That being said, next time i'll try it at a lower bitrate and we'll see.

So here is the tracklisting (minus the Tortoise songs - i forget which i put where...)

Spike Jones – When Yuba Plays the Rumba on the Tuba (theme song for each 'cast, not Chicago-related)
Wilco – Heavy Metal Drummer
Muddy Waters – Mannish Boy (Hard Again version)
Joanna Newsom – The Book of Right On
The Sea and Cake – Jacking the Ball
Man or Astro-Man? - Spectrograph Reading Of The Varying Phantom Frequencies of Chronic, Incurable Tinnitus
Benny Goodman – Avalon
Harry Carry - Take Me Out To The Ballgame
The Mountain Goats – Cubs in Five
George Wendt and Mindy Bell – Airline Check-In
Smashing Pumpkins – Set the Ray to Jerry
America’s #1 Sweetheart – Knuckles Forward
Make Believe – Temping As A Shaman
Dr. Robert Bellamy Interview
Chicago Bears - Superbowl Shuffle
Pixies – Born in Chicago (Paul Butterfield Blues Band Cover) Produced by Steve Albini (not at Electrical Audio)
Sufjan Stevens – Chicago (Multiple Personality Disorder Versions)
Carl Sandburg – Cool Tombs
Eddie Harris – Chicago Serenade

- - - - - - - - - -

Here is a fantastic article on the quasi-hypocracy of Neil Young. Excellent read.

- - - - - - - - - -

Sorry for the lack of updates, I'm taking a mini-break. Mini-break will end Monday. Expect manic posting thereafter.

Enjoy the weather!

Rantcast #1

2006-08-03T18:00:00.000-04:00

Get it here.

After a few days, i'll post the tracklisting, but i would like people to approach the 'cast without biases.

Enjoy!

Crooner Voice

2006-08-02T10:10:00.000-04:00

You can hear me totally embarrass myself over at Tim Young's Contrast Podcast. Episode 18 has all contributors picking instrumental songs, but singing the intros. I didn't have time to put together a little song with instruments, so i a capella'd a terrible crooner-ish intro to my choice, "World Friction" by Essential Logic.

Big time happy post coming tomorrow, so check in for that...

PopMatters, Yet Again

2006-07-26T10:59:00.000-04:00

Defacing Wikipedia

All I Need to Know About Live Music I Learned from Dead Prez and Jo Dee Messina

How great is a website that provides two link worthy articles a day?

The Eraser Review

2006-07-24T14:16:00.000-04:00

Thom Yorke - The Eraser

As a listener, I have always been extraordinarily interested in solo albums and side projects. To me, they show more of what an artist is really about than their regular band. For instance, how many people work day jobs they hate, and would never classify themselves as “a bank teller?” To me, these alternate paths reveal where someone’s heart really is, music wise.

So, for Thom Yorke, he would be just as happy with a laptop, a midi-trigger and an electric guitar than with a band. This may not be the case (hell, who wouldn’t love to be in Radiohead?), but his first solo record sure makes a case for him being just as adept at this game than the world-changing music that he makes with the ‘head.

The reason this album speaks to me so much is that it brings a god back into the realm of mortals. Much like when Paul McCartney eschewed Abbey Road for the self-recorded and lo-fidelity McCartney record, Yorke brings us into his home and shows us what he does in his spare time. I’ve used a drum machine before (poorly) and messed around with samples, so this record sounds like something that, sonically (not creatively), I could probably do. Since The Bends, I have never felt that way about Radiohead. There are no virtuoso moments, no insane time changes, or bizarre instrumentation – this sounds like it could have been created in the back of a tour bus with a minimal assortment of resources.

Title track and album opener “The Eraser” works on every level. It draws you in and gives you a pretty good idea of what to expect from here on out. The stuttering piano sample (couresy of fellow Radioheader Jonny Greenwood) and glitchy beat act as a perfect support for Yorke’s floating vocals. Each track on the album manages to have an individual aesthetic (like the claustrophobic and haunting “And It Rained All Night”) while still being a clear piece of the album’s puzzle. The fact that it only contains nine tracks furthers my opinion that this was not some grand orchestrated work – Yorke had nine songs he didn’t see Radiohead utilizing, recorded them, and released them relatively quickly. In fact, the album was one of the quickest in recent memory in terms of hype – it was announced it May, leaked a bit later, and released in July.

Despite the relatively ordinary sounds on the record, The Eraser has a vibe that is far more personal than anything Radiohead has ever done. Yorke’s vocals are up front and clear as a bell – in “Black Swan” it sounds as if he leans over, puts his mouth by your ear and quietly sings “This is fucked up…fucked up.” Never before has Yorke’s voice been so confident sounding and on display.

Similarly straightforward are the song structures. No surprises (ba doom ching!) like “Paranoid Android” or “Sit Down. Stand Up.” What you initially hear is pretty close to what you get - electronic drum beats, synths, a few samples and scattered guitar work; pretty clear verses and choruses, too. However, there are moments of beauty and surprise still hidden within. The vocal melody on the chorus for “Atoms for Peace,” for instance, jolts you with a beautiful, cascading melody that climbs to a falsetto over a bed of static-y drums and warm, bell-like tones, before a droning figure comes and goes, while the same drums and keys bring the song to it’s conclusion.

“Harrowdown Hill” is an elegy of sorts for David Kelly, a member of the UK Ministry of Defense who died mysteriously a few days after appearing before the Foreign Affairs Select Committee. It is also a sad commentary on the state of activism in the world – “we think the same things at the same time, we just can’t do anything about it.” This may be the catchiest song on the record, which coupled with its lyrics, make for a morbid yet unforgettable song.

The final piece of the album was a mystery to those who downloaded the leaked album and did not purchase it. The artwork, cut from linoleum by Stanley Donwood, shows a man holding off a tidal-wave of water and the floating remnants therein. This is a perfect metaphor for this album – Yorke is standing up, holding off all the anticipation and expectations for a new Radiohead album, and while damming the momentum, slips us this humble and simple album that exceeds all expectations.

Manic Monday

2006-07-24T11:19:00.000-04:00

Work is slow, so here's some stuff to keep you occupied if you, too, are bored:

Queer, Isn't It?

Yet another fantastic PopMatters article dealing with homosexuality in pop culture. A fantastic read.

Plus, who thought Rob Thomas might be gay? His songs are so macho!

- - - - -

Anyone have any suggestions of good places to eat in Chicago?

- - - - -

I'm going to start posting music reviews pretty frequently, and i'd love to get suggestions of things to review - all genres are open to me, and i'll be as fair as i can be, so send me some suggestions!

- - - - -

Oh, and coming to a computer/iPod near you on August 3rd...

The first of a series of RANTCASTS (ie. a podcast done by Brian). It will feature music, opinions and an interview with someone you've never heard of. It should be fun.

The Best Tribute Albums #2

2006-07-20T16:29:00.000-04:00

Saturday Morning: Cartoons' Greatest Hits

Tracklisting:

1. The Tra La La Song (One Banana, Two Banana) - Liz Phair With Material Issue
2. Go Speed Racer Go - Sponge
3. Sugar Sugar - Mary Lou Lord With Semisonic
4. Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? - Matthew Sweet
5. Josie And The Pussycats - Juliana Hatfield And Tanya Donelly
6. The Bugaloos - Collective Soul
7. Underdog - Butthole Surfers
8. Gigantor - Helmet
9. Spider-Man - Ramones
10. Johnny Quest/Stop That Pigeon - The Reverend Horton Heat
11. Open Up Your Heart And Let The Sun Shine In - Frente!
12. Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah (Means I Love You) - Violent Femmes
13. Fat Albert Theme - Dig
14. I'm Popeye The Sailor Man - Face To Face
15. Friends/Sigmund And The Seamonsters - Tripping Daisy
16. Goolie Get-Together - Toadies
17. Hong Kong Phooey - Sublime
18. H.R. Pufnstuf - The Murmurs
19. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy - Wax

This is a record that i got and loved in jr. high school, and i continue to enjoy to this very day. The concept is great - pair up artists with cartoons that evoke the same sort of feeling that their music does, and sit back and watch what happens. Some of the pairings are just plain genius - who else could handle a song about a giant robot like the heavy as shit Helmet? Who could be as psychedlic as a Sid and Marty Croft creation as Tripping Daisy? And who could be as flacid Collective Soul, covering the theme to "The Buggaloos"?

Plus, the producers of the album didn't go as traditional as you may expect - instead of the Jetsons/Flintstones theme songs, we get songs that were featured in specific episodes. For instance, we get the 'hit song' that Pebbles and Bam Bam (not Debbie's dogs, the characters...) had in the Flintstones, "Let The Sun Shine In," done by Frente! (perhaps best remembered for their cover of "Bizarre Love Triangle") and the song that Judy Jetson's celebrity crush Jet Screamer sang called "Eep Op Ork Ah-Ah" by the Violent Femmes.

A few of these tunes still pop up on mix CDs i make for people, such as Matthew Sweet's "Scooby Doo, Where Are You? (peep the excellently noisy outro)" and the Toadies (RIP) terrific take on the "Ghoulie's Get Together" from "The Groovie Ghoulies." Other highlights include Sublime's "Hong Kong Phooey," Wax's "Happy Happy Joy Joy (almost as great as the Spike Jonze directed video for "California")," and the Reverend Horton Heat's "Johnny Quest."

But the real highlight is the last great song done by the first great punk band, the Ramones, the theme to the 1970s "Spiderman" cartoon. Perfect for a band that was almost cartoonish themselves - this is fast, hard and fun. A fantastic tribute to a time when people didn't think i was bizarre for having boxes of Frankenberry in my house.

From the Bad Plus

2006-07-20T14:42:00.000-04:00

From the weblog of jazz band, The Bad Plus:

Bob Seger, "Like a Rock"

If you have watched television in America in the last fifteen years, you have probably seen a truck commercial for Chevy featuring “Like A Rock.” Here’s two of the lyrics Dave King has a problem with:

Like a rock, charging from the gate.

This is absurd.

Like a rock, standing arrow-straight.

This is horrifying.

My favorite parts are the "Yellow Submarine" and "Thriller"

2006-07-19T09:16:00.000-04:00

It's Like Booking George Michael at an Absitence Rally

2006-07-15T14:42:00.000-04:00

Beenie Man Booked for LIFEbeat event

The Best Tribute Albums #1

2006-07-14T14:12:00.000-04:00

My thrashing of the TMBG tribute got me thinking if there are any tribute albums i actually like. There are a couple, and i'll br profiling them over the next week or so. Here is the first one...

- - - - -

Wig in a Box - Songs from and Inspired by Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Tracklisting:

1. The Origin Of Love - Rufus Wainwright
2. Angry Inch - Fred Schneider and Sleater-Kinney
3. The Long Grift - They Might Be Giants
4. Sugar Daddy - Frank Black
5. City Of Women - Robyn Hitchcock
6. Freaks - Imperial Teen
7. Wicked Little Town (Hedwig Version) - The Breeders
8. Nailed - Bob Mould
9. Wig In A Box - The Polyphonic Spree
10. Milford Lake - John Cameron Mitchell and Stephen Trask
11. Ladies & Gentlemen - Stephen Colbert
12. Tear Me Down - Spoon
13. Hedwig's Lament/Exquisite Corpse - Yoko Ono and Yo La Tengo
14. Wicked Little Town (Tommy Gnosis Version) - Ben Folds, Ben Kweller, Ben Lee
15. Midnight Radio - Cyndi Lauper and the Minus Five
16. The Origin Of Love - Jonathan Richman

First off, let me say that i am a huge fan of the film (and i presume the play, although i've never seen it) version of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It has great music, it is hillarious, and has very touching moments. So when i heard that there was going to be a tribute album, i was a bit skeptical but excited when i learned that Frank Black, the Breeders, Jonathan Richman, Spoon, Yo La Tengo, Sleater-Kinney, They Might Be Giants, etc. were going to be involved. It is, in my opinion, probably the best tribute album ever.

Why? Well, two reasons. First of all, like all good tribute albums, the source material is very strong. And secondly, none of the bands sound the same. Each artist really takes the track and makes it their own. So, as to be expected, Rufus Wainwright divas up "The Origin of Love," Frank Black raws up "Sugar Daddy," Spoon makes "Tear Me Down" into a song barely removed from Kill The Moonlight and Jonathan Richman takes a total 180 from Wainwright and tackles the reprise of "The Origin of Love" in a spare Spanish guitar, vocals and drums fashion.

But the highlight of the disc comes from 20-someodd member band The Polyphonic Spree tackling "Wig in a Box." It is such an overblow, dramatic version of the track, that you can't help but think somewhere in the time space contiuum, Hedwig his/herself is smiling and putting something new on her head.

Lame Tribute Albums, All-Stars, Links, Etc.

2006-07-12T09:47:00.000-04:00

Hey all, i'm back after a nearly two week hiatus. Let me get right back into it:

- - - - - -

Lame Tribute Albums

Yesterday, i was giddy as a school boy. I was downloading (legally, via the excellent emusic.com) a new tribute album to those masters of intellectual, silly indie pop, They Might Be Giants, with tracks by Frank Black, The Wrens, Self, etc. TMBG's unique brand of music lends itself perfectly to cover versions, as anyone who tries to do a straight cover will sound ridiculous, so it forces you to rethink the tune before recording. Or, so i thought...

Besides the Wrens turning "They'll Need a Crane" into a dirge and Frank Black turning "Road Movie To Berlin" into a western singalong, most of the people here seem to be content just playing the thing as if Flansy and Linnell were on either side of them. The other popular idea is to remove all energy and limp dick your way through the track. Which begs the question, why bother?

If you want to hear the definitive version of "Ana Ng," i don't think anyone would even think to reach for a cover - a song so bizarre, rhythmic and funny could only be done properly by the Giants. But a cover version sounds intriguing - how would someone else tackle this idiosyncratic piece of pop music? Ira Glass, host of NPR's superb This American Life, once said of TMBG (and i'm paraphrasing here) that he was upset that John and John were in the band, because their asthetic is so unique that if those two guys were to stumble on the band themselves, they'd love it! It's sad to Glass that they have to make that music in order to hear it. I'm not as well spoken as Ira is, but i think that same point is why this tribute album, and many similar tribute albums, fail: If you want to sound like TMBG, then step aside from the tribute.

This brings me back to the Gus Van Sant directed, Anne Heche, Vince Vaughn and William H. Macy staring remake of Psycho from the 90s. This was, at best, an idea that should've been left to stoners everywhere: "Dude, why don't we, check this out, film a remake, hear me out, of Psycho, but instead of changing anything, do it shot for shot of the original! Dude! Pass the j..." Why would anyone think that a new version of Psycho that is, pretty much, the exact same thing, be better, as good, or even close to the original?

This was my exact thought at hearing This Radiant Boy covered the classic "Don't Let Start," which coincidentally has one of the best music videos ever made (as does "Ana Ng" for the record). It sounds like a shitty garage band who learned the song earlier in the day running through the song for the 4th or 5th time, but trying to keep as close to the original arrangement as possible. Now, i could see the charm in doing a rough and tumble, balls to the wall, garage cover of this song, but this is so lame that it practically screams high school talent show.

Even the good (still not great though, sorry FB/Wrens, two of my favorite artists) covers on this comp sound rushed, which is also not unusual for the tribute album genre. Another near worthless tribute album, This Bird Has Flown: A 40th Anniversary Tribute to the Beatles' Rubber Soul, sounded like each band had about 3 hours to learn, arrange and record each cover. That album had a few decent covers (like the Reggae-ish "Michelle" by Ben Harper, Sufjan Stevens' totally out of left-field, nothing but lyrics remainging the same "What Goes On," the Fiery Furnances' Dylanish "Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)" and Yonder Mountain String Band's "Think For Yourself," even if the latter has a totally unnecessary distorted electric guitar in the background), but else erything felt like it was either going for a note for note remake (see the Donnas inept "Drive My Car" or the usually fun Ben Kweller's limp "Wait") or rushed (the energetic Ted Leo's "I'm Looking Through You" or Low's "Nowhere Man"). Why is it out of the question to call a band in March and say "Hey guys, we're doing a Beatles tribute and we need a track by October, can you do something between now and then? The feeling i get is that the fine folks who put out these albums, especially the TMBG one, said "Shit, we have 7 days til pressing. This Raiant Boy, can you do a quick "Don't Let Start?" Thanks, we owe you."

There are cover songs that have been nearly as good, or better than the original (very few - Mono Puff's "Oddball," Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" and the aforementioned They Might Be Giants' "New York Ciy"), but usually the covers are well though out, perhaps performed live for a period of time before recording, or done with enough joy and enthusiasm (like the "Oddball" cover) that it gives the track a new spin - which is why the 5 tracks i mentioned earlier work on the Rubber Soul tribute. But all Hello Radio: The Songs of They Might Be Giants showed me was how much i love those two Brooklynites.

- - - - -

Damn the Natinal League for blowing the lead in the 77th All Star Game last night. I'm sick of all this false AL pride. The NL is where the more exciting, pure brand of baseball is played. Period, end of story.

- - - - -

Two great new Popmatters artciles, here and here. I've long since been trying to master incorporating country-ish stuff into mixes, but fear that people will mistake me for a republican. I'm also interested in other one-man, or near one-man albums that they've forgotten. I list the self titled Foo Fighters album in that list for sure, as well as Petra Haden's Imaginaryland. Am i forgetting any?

Oh, and i should've pimped this long ago, but Simon's You Can Call Me Betty has had music samples from every nation in the World Cup over the past month or so. Many of the links may be dead, but there is some great info there. Cheers Simon.

- - - - -

More tomorrow...

Chaos and Creation In The Backyard is now officially depressing and more

2006-06-29T10:34:00.000-04:00

So much of the latest Paul McCartney album is about his soon to be ex-wife supporting him and how new this love was and all that. I guess that's what you get for marrying a gold digger your kids hate - an album outdated less than a year in.

- - - - -

I've been listening to a lot of music lately that has sort of an ambient/lethargic bent, specifically a new-ish band called Brightblack Morning Light. Long songs, slow building, with slinky guitar parts, strong basslines and breathy vocals. Also, i've been digging on the demos for Ghost Wars, featuring Foo Fighter/Sunny Day Real Estater Nate Mendel, along with the former lead singer of Juno. You can find them on myspace.

- - - - -

I've also re-committed myself to attemting the New York Times crossword puzzle each day. That's a real easy thing to do Monday and Tuesday, but by Thursday i'm feeling stupid as i'm out of practice.

- - - - -

Going up to Connecticut this weekend to hang with Mr. David Colemand and Ms. Laura Harrison. That should be fun. Then, on Sunday i have the wedding of the lovely Ms. Rebecca Wills and Mr. Timothy Kessler. That too should be a good time.

Gotta love a long weekend.

- - - - -

Oh, and i love my laptop.

Baseball Day in NJ

2006-06-26T15:27:00.000-04:00

A few Baseball-related thoughts to start this final week of June...

First of all, anyone who has even a passing remembrance of the Mets of the early 90s, or just wants to know just how egos can ruin a team should read this. Sorry Erin, but Bobby Bonilla was an asshole...

Second of all, shame on all of baseball for putting up with Ozzie Guillen. Ozzie is a fantastic manager and has done a superb job in Chicago, turning the White Sox away from nearly 90 years of failure to a 4-game sweep in the World Series. However, two gay slurs to the media in two years is cause for a serious supension. Now, i don't know if Jay Mariotti, writer for the Chicago Sun Times, is gay or not, but i can tell you that no matter what, he doesn't deserve to be called a "fucking fag" either. I may not like Mariotti (he's the smarmiest dude on Around the Horn), but he's a journalist who simply questioned the way that Guillen handled a young pitcher. That is his job; to analyze the moves of the sports figures of the Windy City.

On top of that, Guillen's apology was so half hearted and insincere - to give you an idea, he said he wasn't homophobic because he goes to WNBA games and has tickets to a Madonna concert. MLB and the White Sox should step in and severly reprimand Guillen and send the message that slurs just aren't welcome in baseball. For a sport that was at the forefront of breaking segregation and embracing players of all races, for a sport that donates millions of dollars to charity, and for a sport that fines people for throwing their helmets, a slap on the wrist doesn't work for a biggot.

The Mets are back in Beantown for the first time since beating the Red Sox in the 1986 World Series. I'm waiting for a ball to run through the legs of Kevin Youkilis tonight, even though there is no way he could catch Jose Reyes anyway. One day people will be talking about this 2006 team like people talked about the 1986 Mets - simply impressive.

And finally, the Tigers are for real. I wasn't a believer until recently, but watch out for this team.

Pop Matters, again

2006-06-24T07:53:00.000-04:00

http://www.popmatters.com/columns/abernethy/060622.shtml

Once again, Pop Matters has an extraordinarily brilliant article on bigotry, stupidity, the Constitution and gay issues. I really could link to them every day...

Plagiarism is the new Creativity

2006-06-19T22:30:00.000-04:00

Everywhere i look lately, famous songs are being ripped off. I thought that i was reading a bit too much into this, until Entertainment Weekly called out two of the songs that i had recently thought were too similar for comfort. Well, folks, hopefully i can illuminate you to some of this tonight, here at the Rant.

Case #1

"Mary Jane's Last Dance
Vs.
Dani California

First of all, titling your song a person's name, and then throwing in an alternate spelling (I'm looking at you Ms."Sk8r Boi") does not make you cool, hip, or anything other than what you are, which in the RHCP's case is washed up. Second of all, do we need another RHCP song about California? "Under the Bridge" was enough for me, and i have never once dreamed of Californication.

But the real insulting part about this is how close their new hit really is to the Tom Petty song of 13 years ago. The chord progression is damn near exact, and the vocal melody, down to the mentioning of a location in verse 1, is eerily close as well. Basically, Anthony, Flea and co. are getting lazy. I hope Mr. Wilbury sues the fuck out of them.

Case #2

Is She Really Going Out With Him?
Vs.
Steady, As She Goes

I first heard the Racounteurs on my recent trip to Los Angeles, and upon hearing this single i said "Somewhere, Graham Maby is pissed off." My friend Scott had no idea what i was talking about, but Maby was the bass player for the Joe Jackson band, proprieters of the hit "Is She Really Going Out With Him?," which Jack White and co. completely steal for "Steady As She Goes." For reals. Listen, to the introduction of the bass line and tell me it's not nearly a note for note rip.

Case #3

Wendy's Commercial
Vs.
"Take Me Out to the Ballgame"

Ask Erin, this one is going to drive me to an early grave. In a series of new Wendy's commercials, there is this whistling melody that is notes # 2-7 of "Take me out to the Ballgame." That is frustrating enough. But in all the commercials, this is randomly placed and played multiple times throughout the commercial, seemingly for no good reason. A guy is ordered food, CUE WHISTLE. Squirrels steal a car, CUE WHISTLE. Not once, but 3-4 times. It feels like the government put a chip in my brain that says "eat Wendy's Brian (which has worked well for the past 10 years or so)," and then whenever the commercial starts, some sort of electromagnetic field from my brain and the TV triggers that noise in my skull to remind me that i'm hungry for a #4 with a coke. Over and over for the remainder of the 30 second clip. I literally freak out when this comes on it bothers me so much. Fuck you, Dave Thomas. You haunt me from the grave you corpulant bastard.

AIDS Turns 25

2006-06-15T14:17:00.000-04:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/49521

Hi-larious.

If you're going to rip someone off, it may as well be Bowie

2006-06-13T10:05:00.000-04:00

As a music fan, i often hear/read about performances that i missed. Whether it be iconic for its size (Woodstock, the Beatles at Shea Stadium), or a surprise guest (when Dan got to see Sufjan Stevens guest at an Iron and Wine show), or just a really great set (like any number of shows by any number of bands). Well, this morning, whilst procrastinating, i was reading an interview with Dan Bejar, aka Destroyer, aka the Bowie sounding guy who does 2-3 songs per New Pornographers record. He was talking about the millieu of the live performance and said "I think the Merge showcase we played at the 2002 CMJ, during the This Night tour, might have been the best Destroyer show ever."

This may seem like another piece of Salvatore pining over a show missed, except for the fact that i was there - and i did not appreciate it.

Destroyer is one of the many bands i dismissed initially because of a sonic similarity. Bejar's voice is very David Bowie-circa 1972 (when Bejar was born actually). I know Bejar didn't align his DNA to purposely create a Thin White Duke-esque voice, but he certainly doesn't shy away from phrasing, singing and generally sounding like Bowie. After the aforementioned CMJ showcase, when Bejar and co. got a standing ovation, i wondered aloud to the strangers next to me, "Haven't these fucking people heard of Bowie?" To which they replied, "Who cares?"

Well, i did, dammit! In a world where conformity is encouraged at every level, indie rock should be unique and not instantly remind you of something as universal as Ziggy Stardust. Sure, every band has a song that sounds like someone else - but to my ears, every song in a catalog shouldn't be confused for an outtake of someone more famous. Especially if every song evokes the same guy.

So this begs a question. If you happen to have a natural tint towards someone famous, should you be blamed for emulating them? I mean, there are a dozen guys i can think of off the top of my head who would love to be compared to Bowie - people who spend their entire career trying to achieve a similar balance of credibility, instant recognition and financial success would kill for his voice. So is Bejar really doing anything other than simply taking advantage of a natural ability? If you are a great baseball player who can hit like Tony Gwynn, people would love you, not deride you for it.

And Bejar, on a personal level, does not play up the Bowie thing - he doesn't pull an Oasis and compare himself to his sound-sake. He's put out three Destroyer records since 2002, and each one has been unique and moderately successful. He is pushing his own boundaires with each release and seems to be genuinely commited to a career of idiosyncratic indie rock - albeit idiosyncratic indie rock that people will constatnly compare to Bowie.

What i believe we must do in cases such as Destroyer, is that we must look past the obvious to the subtle. This is, obviously, easier said than done. Frank Black, when talking about one of his favorite albums, Leonard Cohen's I'm Your Man, he says that you must think of the dated 1980s production as "the frame that surrounds the songs." Maybe the Bowie thing is just an ornate frame, that through careful studying, can reveal something really special within.

- - - - - - - -

I don't know if i agree with all the points made here, but it again shows that for good writing on the interweb, Pop Matters is king.

A Prairie Home Companion, Beirut, Etc.

2006-06-12T10:10:00.000-04:00

This past Friday, my father and i took in the new Robert Altman film, A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION, based on the popular NPR radio show. The film, much like the radio program, is fantastic, and really showcases what is so great about the show - it shouldn't exist. Radio drama mixed with traditional country/folk songs and old timey commercials shouldn't be on the same dial with the ClearChannel owned schlock that is 99% of radio. So Kudos Altman and Garrison Keilor, for championing something that most of the potential audience for this film will never understand, appreciate, or even know exists.

- - - - - - - - - -

While at my cousins' birthday party on Saturday, i came up with a brilliant idea for a new television show: Celebrity Beer Pong (Beirut). Think about it: In the age of reality TV, one hit wonders and terribly bland sitcoms, there are a treasure trove of young celebs who are dying for more tv exposure. Imagine seeing a Survivor pong tournament, with the winning team to face the Amazing Race team. Or you could go retro: Team 90210 Vs. Team Melrose Place. Spike TV will eat this shit up...

- - - - - - - - - -

"New Slang" by the Shins has been in my head now for 5 days straight. I'd be annoyed, but it may be a perfect song. So i can deal with that.

Quick Hits

2006-06-08T14:18:00.000-04:00

Just a few things to share today, of varying importance.

- - - - - - - - - -

First and most important, it is time (once again) to step in and save NPR and PBS. For those who like news, entertainment, education and muppets, you can't just sit there and watch public broadcasting have its funding slashed again. It is bad enough that after Charlie Rose or Tavis Smiley i have to sit through Toyota commercials, or how This American Life is brought to you by Volkswagon, but do you really want your kids to grow up in a world where there is no Sesame Street? I think not...

Just sign it, dammit:

http://civic.moveon.org/publicbroadcasting/

- - - - - - - - - -

R.I.P. John Tenta, aka pro wrestler Earthquare. This guy was so scary back in the late 80s/early 90s i used to have nightmares about him.

- - - - - - - - - -

To read an absolutely terrific article, click here and enjoy the always wonderful Pop Matters, and their take on the independent record store/book store culture.

- - - - - - - - - -

Couldn't these two hacks be seperated at birth?

Met's Pitching Coach Rick Peterson:

Beach Boy Mike Love:

- - - - - - - - - -

The Mets have only lost 5 series so far this year. They have tied/won the other 15 they have played. That is pretty staggering. Taking 1/2, 2/3, 2/4, 3/4, or an entire series 75 percent of the time? I'll take that anyday.

- - - - - - - - - -

And finally, check out the trailer for the fantastic film BRICK. One of the best films i've seen all year:

http://www.brickmovie.net

That's the Way God Planned It

2006-06-07T11:23:00.000-04:00

Billy Preston died yesterday at age 59. This name probably does not ring a bell for many people, but for a Beatles devotee like myself, his loss will be recognized as what it is: a very sad loss.

Billy was one of those musicians who seemingly was everywhere for a period of time, yet never really got enough credit for his work. He played with Little Richard, was a keyboard prodigy (like Stevie Wonder) at age 12, was the only artist ever credited on a Beatles single ("Get Back" by The Beatles with Billy Preston), he played at their final ever live performance on the rooftop of Abbey Road studios, played on 5 Rolling Stones albums, plus albums by Elton John, Bob Dylan (the classic Blood on the Tracks), a few Beatles solo albums, co-wrote the Joe Cocker classic "You Are So Beautiful," won a few Grammys, had two solo #1 hits and was the first ever musical guest on Saturday Night Live.

He was also a man who was always smiling - his big toothy grin was many times accompanied by a larger than life afro. His positive energy can be seen on this clip. This is from the famous Concert for Bangla Desh - the very first all-star charity concert. Billy manages to upstage Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan and George Harrison with his one song showcase of his Gospel hit, "That's the Way God Planned It." His vocals and organ absolutely smoke on this live recording, but the true legacy of Billy comes not with his voice or his hands, but with his feet. Watch, towards the end of the performance, as Billy leaps up from his organ, as if somehow beyond his own control and starts dancing across the stage. This is met by smiles in the band and roaring applause from the audience. You see a man who doesn't simply want to dance - he needs to move, the music is so within his body.

Some thirty one years later, Preston again managed to upstage everyone on stage at the Concert for George - a tribute to his friend George Harrison. Taking George's "Isn't It A Pity?," Billy sings and plays his ass off, in the company of Paul McCartney, Clapton, Tom Petty and more once again steals the show with his consomate musicianship. Sure, lots of Billy's records were less than fantastic. Sure, he had drug problems and served time in prison. But listen to his early 70s material, with or without other artists surrounding him, and you will be pleasantly surprised at just how talented this unsung organist was. You'll be missed, Billy. Rest in Peace.

I think it would make me MORE violent

2006-06-05T13:20:00.000-04:00

Manilow Vs. Crime

I'm Happier Will and Grace Is Off The Air Than Anyone I Know

2006-05-25T08:14:00.000-04:00

http://www.popmatters.com/tv/reviews/w/will-and-grace-060525.shtml

I've come down on this same issue for many years now - Will and Grace has not been the progressive becon of light for the gay community, it has been a sad, commercialized, thoroughly unfunny, celeb-guest star obsessed disgrace (no pun intended).

Now, i am not a gay man, but if i were, i think i would be quite offended at the portrayal of what a gay man in New York is. Do i have to be a corporate and label whore, like Will? Or must i be so sterotypical and flamboyant that i confirm all the opinions that middle America has about me anyway - that i'm a squeaky little man who oozes obnoxiousness, like Jack? (I do think that Will's character not being so flamboyant was a good move, but its like making a female character on a TV show who is a tomboy, has short hair, and says that she is a feminist, but at night has dreams of having a man come by and let her spend all her time in the kitchen and pumping out babies. I'm not saying that caring about fashion makes you a bad person, but i don't see why producers would create a seemingly anti-stereotype character, but then throw in yet another stereotype. Sure, i know there are people like Will out there, but if we're trying to break down boundaries here, then i think it would have made more sense to have left out as many potential sterotypes as possible.)

And what about the portrayal of the women in the show? The so called "hag" Grace is just a big sign saying "Hey Ladies! All (or at least many) of the good ones are gay, so just be content with being an old maid!" And Karen is flatly the most annoying character on TV in a long time - and let's not forget that Joey was on during its run.

I did not enjoy or regularly watch the show when it was on, but i've watched enough episodes with friends to have been offended by their sterotyping and, frankly, their exploitation of the gay community. I know there are many people who disagree with me, but i feel strongly about this. To get America to get its head out of its ass and realize that the Declaration of Independence had the right idea when it said that all are created equal, we have a responsibility to project gay men and women as diverse and unique as us straightees. Just like for the first 30 years of TV, all black characters had unfortunate ties to the stereotypes of the times. It wasn't until Bill Cosby came in, and was more white than a picket fence, that a black person on television didn't have to fall into the unfortunate place of comic relief vis a vis a borderline racist performance.

Now, i'm not saying that the proper way to assimilate the diverse gay character into the mainstream press is to make a character as straight as Cosby was white, because i think that Cosby has done a lot of both good and, to his own community especially, bad, but i do think that a brave producer has to do something that the Cosby Show did very well - it was never a show about being black. It was a show about being a family. We have to stop making all shows featuring gay characters to be 'gay shows,' or make the character nothing more than a shop-aholic. Gay people can, and do, interact with straight folks, just as blacks and whites and hispanics and asians all can co-exist, so can the gays and the straights. And there is no reason why we can't make some more characters who are normal! But until TV takes the punchline out of gay relationships, i'm afraid that this is the best we'll ever do. RIP Will and Grace, and may America's ignorance die with you.

No Boss? No Problem!

2006-05-15T08:35:00.000-04:00

(A quick note: thanks to great new technology by Napster, i can put links to full mp3s of songs on the Rant! Each user {that's you!} can listen to each song up to 5 times, so enjoy! Just click on the links)

So being from New Jersey, i have to at least somewhat respect Bruce Springsteen. He has done a lot of things in the music industry that he should be proud of, most of all launching the career of one Max Weinberg. Above that, he was the voice of a generation of Garden Staters, who still blast "Rosalita" with pride at every barbeque until they stop breathing.

Today's New Jersey doesn't have such a unified voice, but it still has a host of great musicians who call the Garden State home. But with the way popular music has been lately, there hasn't been on person stepping up to becoming the unifying voice of the region. And let us not forget that for a long time, Bruce became the voice of the USA. Which goes along with what i've always said - win over NJ, win over the world.

So who will be our generation's Springsteen? We don't have one, and frankly, we don't need one. There are three bands currently working in NJ who will do just fine for a Boss replacement, and each covers a unique piece of the Springsteen mythos.

Part 1 : The Hard Working, Socially Conscious, Prolific Bandleader

New Springsteen #1: Ted Leo/Pharmacists

The coincidences are almost too beautiful. Charmismatic lead singer with a dedicated and rock solid backing band. But beyond the easy comparison, we see a much clearer picture.

Leo, a strict Vegan, a Democrat who back in 2003 was wearing a "No War" guitar strap on Conan O'Brien, a man who argues the ethics of every business decision he makes (and some hypotheticals - he took a lot of shit from his fans for saying he'd buy a Hybrid SUV, despite detailing very good reasons why it made sense for him - lots of room for the band and equipment, no emissions, etc) on his website, is a working man's rock and roller. His songs are simple, anthemic and could be described as working class in terms of their bare-bones arrangements.

The Pharmacists' 5th album in 7 years is due later this year, making them as prolific as the Boss/E Street combo. Plus, the Pharms are road warriors, who i will FINALLY get to see in a few months at the Pitchfork Music Festival. Enjoy my favorite track by Teddy and Co, "Tell Balgeary, Balgury is Dead"

Tell Balgeary, Balgury Is Dead

Part 2: Captivating Live Audiences Everywhere

New Springsteen #2 - The Danielson Famile

Or Danielson, whatever they are going by today. In the E Street heyday, the shows were unique in the fact that they went on forever and featured an intense, energetic show that no one in the audience was likely to forget anytime soon.

Some Danielson live shows have featured leader Daniel Smith in an eight foot tall tree costume. All "Famile" shows have the band in matching uniforms with "hearts on their sleeves and names on their chests" and have at times meant nurse costumes for all.

No one going to a Danielson show is going to forget the show either. The bizare, unique and awesomely high vocals, the gang mentality, the pure showmanship and love of performing the Famile exhibit, even on a video taped live performance, send goosebumps and make you take notice. Part of Springsteen's charm was his insistance on making the live show matter as much as the record. Few artists can say the same today, but the Danielson Famile are one of them. Here's a taste of their unique sound.

Good News for the Pus Pickers

Part 3: Everyman

New Springsteen #3 - The Wrens

What made Bruce so easy to relate to was he was like you: not a beauty but not hideous, wears blue jeans, has a sometimes tumultuos relationship with his country after Republicans misusing his shit - you know, the typical American.

Well, the Wrens are more like you than you know. They all have day jobs. That doesn't stop them from playing all over - hell, they tour Europe over WEEKENDS so they don't get fired. Their songs are nothing that will instantly blow your mind like Radiohead, but they will consistently provide you with great pieces of indie rock.

Don't you hate it when your boss is a dick to you? Well, so do the Wrens. Their first few albums have been hanging around in limbo for years after their label screwed them out of the master recordings. They have tried for years to get them re-released but thus far, nada.

Don't you wish you had a little more scratch to make ends meet? So do the Wrens. They've been limited to only one new album this decade because they aren't so sound financially. Does that stop them, no!

The Wrens, like Bruce, refuse to take this shit lying down. They will continue to make records when they can, play when they can, and keep their dream alive. This is a Sprinsteenian message that could've come off of any of the Boss's classic albums. Doesn't "Can't Get Out of Secaucus" sound like the title of a BORN TO RUN outtake?

Faster Gun

So when someone says Jersey music is dead, throw these names in their face. There are plenty more great Jersey bands, but for now, try these three on for size. You won't be disappointed. We may not have a Boss, but i'm happy with what we've got.

PS - Peep their websites:

Ted Leo/Pharmacists
Danielson
The Wrens

Because Dan Actually Tries...

2006-05-10T08:40:00.000-04:00

...I'll post an email conversation between us based on something i wrote. Besides Matt's Islamic threats, no one ever comments anymore....

Dan:

Hey Brian.

About your rant... it's funny because I feel the opposite about track
info. Definitely nice to see the names of the songs, but I don't
really care about who is who and how long it is and who produced it.
At the same time, I would be among the first to read/enjoy/appreciate
that info if it was there (if not in the CD literature, I'll go online
and find out as much as possible about artists I'm into). I guess I
just don't think it's necesarry to say certain things, and I kind of
prefer the mystery. Knowing too much can somehow take away from it.
Like learning how to play a certain song on guitar can take away some
aspect of the intrigue, you know? But then again, I certainly like to
know if the person whose music I'm listening to is a Bush supporter or
something...

Like Beck being a scientologist.. not that I love Beck (minus Sea
Change) but that made me lose respect for him. How could it not?
Agree?

Brian:

I think your argument is very possible. The best
example that comes to mind, for me, is "Plowed" by
Sponge. When i was in middle school, i fucking LOVED
that shit. LOVED it. Once i actually saw the lyrics
i was like "this is it?" I totally understand the
appeal of mystery and "ignore the man behind the
curtain" aspect of music, but i think as i get older i
see music less as this abstract set of notes and words
and more as a process. A friend once told me that she
could never date another person in her field of work,
because she could never be impressed by someone who
did something for a living that she could do. I have
the opposite approach to music lately. I don't want
to hear Yngwie Malmsteen because i couldn't even come
close to approximating that - not just in skill level,
but in purpose - i don't wanna hear some guy
masturbating all over the fretboard. I see music as
something that i love, and that i am a living part of
(warning, it only gets more surreal and pretentious
from here).

The aforementioned DOG IN THE SAND by Frank Black for
instance. The whole record was recorded live to
2-track tape, no overdubs. So half the fun for me,
after really digging the songs a few times, was to try
and guess what the exact instrumentation was, and who
was playing what. I want to know how, in the
beginning of the song i can clearly hear six
instruments (elec. guitar, acoustic guitar, bass,
drums, electric piano, pedal steel guitar) can at the
end sound like there have been subs (i now hear a
second electric guitar)? Well, consult the liner
notes - they didn't cheat and overdub it, the pedal
steel player switched to lead guitar mid-song.

I like doing that because i can play the guitar, and i
can listen to it and marvel at the complexity of the
arrangement when a guy has to literally stand up and
change instruments. Or listening to a jazz record
with a great saxophone solo - i don't play the sax,
but i know how it works - the reed vibrates, yadda
yadda, but i'm interested in the process of making
music because i love to make music.

I don't know if there is a chef out there who is at a
wedding, tastes the Prime Rib and says "i don't even
care how this is so good, i'm just going to enjoy it."
No way! He's going to pour over every bite and get
the recipe right in his head. That's how i look at
music. I don't just love it because of the songs
(though i do love the songs), i also love the process.

Part of the reason that i respect the punk rock
do-it-yourself movement so much was that the message
was "hey, we're not Led Zeppelin - we don't write
songs about wizards and have smoke machines and have
mystical symbols for everyone in the band - we're
three guys from _____ who feel like there isn't a good
band that has hardcore style drums with slap bass and
acoustic guitar, so we created it." It was about
being individual and empowering people to do it
themselves that fueled that whole scene. And even
though i was far too young to feel that impact when it
happened, that ethos is what drives pretty much
everything i want to do musically.

And yes, that means at times our idols come crashing
down. It does suck that Beck is Scientologist, but
why doesn't it suck that Sufjan Stevens is an
Episocopalian? I mean, it is clear why (the Episcopal
church wasn't founded on a series of sci-fi novels),
but for some people that may be an equal turn off, and
that's ok. Sometimes we need to test what we can
accept as good art because of personal biases. For
instance, how would i react if tomorrow Limp Bizkit
put out a great song? I mean, a "The Oaf" by Big
Wreck great? Could i get past my biases and enjoy the
song? The same thing has to be asked when it comes to
religion, political affiliation, who they are/have
dated, etc.

In closing, i'd rather an artist give me all this info
for me to choose whether or not to delve into. This
is a great tie in to the Bush reference you made.
Even if the news is depressing (global warming, fucked
up war, phone tapping), i want the ability to get that
information if i want to. And if i want to be
ignorant, i can ignore it. There are plenty of albums
i have where the liner notes stay unread. But if i
really love an album, i want to understand not just
the songs, but the process that went into them, even
if i know i am playing with fire and may indeed burn
down the temple of song that i love - for me, it's
worth the risk.

Dan:

First of all, your refernce to "The Oaf" is hilarious. That is a
Great song.

If I really love a song/band there is no way I could not look into
them and find out more and more. I feel that I NEED to know. It's
like saying "Brian, inside this box is a photo of the second shooter
on the grassy knoll.. DO NOT LOOK." Do you want to know the truth or
roll with what you're told? It really does make a difference to me.
Me and you have talked about this before. I am going to need to bring
up Jose again in a second. Let me tell you a quick story, I'm not
sure if I told you before. I was at an open mic and a string broke
right before I was going to play, so I asked this guy who just played
(and whose mailing list I just signed in his presence) to borrow his
guitar.. he said no! I can't get over it. I'm not going to get into
it, but I can't forgive it. The point is that it would be really hard
for me to like this kid's music now (he's actually very talented)
because of how he treated me. Maybe he lent it to someone once and
they dropped it.. whatever. Guitars should be played, not babied.
Cars should be driven, stamps should be mailed, matches should be
burned. I really really wanted to tell him to take me off his list
because I don't share my email with people who don't share their
guitar. Jose is more forgiving, and it doesn't bother him as much. I used
examples of someone's character effecting what you think of their
music (I'm sure I cited Beck) and I said to him what if Blackbird was
"I rape babies in the dead of night"? haha that would change the mood
a little, no?

But I must say that if the music is really really good, then I don't
care who/what the artist is. Can't be a coincidence that we hate Fred
Durst AND Limp Bizkit. I have many guilty pleasures, songs that I
"shouldn't" like (according to my tastes and catalogue) but I do.
Great example is this one Linkin Park song that I think is really
really good. haha don't tell anyone!!

Brian:

I just did.

5 Non-Musical Ways to Ruin An Album

2006-05-02T15:38:00.000-04:00

All aspiring musicians/art directors out there, here are 5 ways to make me dislike your album before hearing a note of it:

1) Not numbering the tracklisting.

When i grab a CD from my shelt and i want to hear "The Humpty Dance," i want to know what track i have to go to instantly, and not count down from the top to find what track i want. This is the most common thing about CDs that drives me nuts.

2) Not having a tracklist/Having a hard to read tracklist on the back of your CD

This is equally stupid for many reasons. 1) In a store setting, if i'm looking for which Ramones album has "Judy is a Punk" on it, i'm going to flip over the CDs and check the back. If you don't put a tracklisting on the back, or put one so unbelievably hard to read, you're going to lose the casual customer. Plus, it's just plain annoying. Your album has plenty of places to be obscure and artsy, but a numbered, easy to read tracklisting is one place to be boring.

3) Have packaging that doesn't easily fit into a CD holder.

I'm cool with jewel cases or digipacks, or even the plain sleeves (super slim, CD slides right out) that some CDs come in, but if you think you're cool (cough Morrissey cough) by releasing out a CD in a sleeve shaped like a 7" picture sleeve, you're just going to piss me off. I bought my CD shelves to hold CDs, and you're not following with the program. This is like if a car company decided to come out with an inferior car that has no place lining up next to other cars because they are so big and guzzle so much gas and were brought over to this country bcause of an action star/governor...

4) Make it difficult for me to remove the disc.

There is a great avant-jazz label called Cryptogramophone that puts out records by Scott Amendola, Nels Cline, etc. and their albums all come in a fold-out digipack, which looks beautiful. The difficulty lies in the fact that the CD itself is not in a nice handy-dandy plastic doohicky that has the raise center w/ the teeth so you can just push the CD down on top of it. It has a sleeve to put the CD in - but you can't get to it from the open edge - only the edge that is attached to the rest of the case - therefore, getting a CD in/out is a pain in the ass, and to me, increases chances of scratching the disc. I've burned copies of my Cryptogramophone discs and leave them in my office so that i don't have to go through the daily grind of a difficult birth just to hear some weird guitar playing. It shouldn't have to come to that.

5) Have Shitty Liner Notes

I know not everyone out there scours liner notes like they're reading a treasure map, but i like to know who played what on what track, who wrote/produced/mixed each track, what the lyrics are, where/when i was recorded, and any other info you're willing to give me. One of my favorite album packaging is Paul McCartney's FLAMING PIE. For each song there is a track length (love it), extensive notes on the writing/recording of them, and a comment from Sir Paul on each track. Ditto for Frank Black and the Catholics' DOG IN THE SAND, which has a breakdown of who plays what on each track, as well as some photos and lyrics.

Follow these simple rules folks and you will quickly become on the road to pleasing Brian with every disc you release. Unless your music sucks.

ESPN vs. Brian

2006-04-30T10:49:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, i love baseball. Especially, the New York Mets. Despite loving the Mets, i also like to see scores/highlights/analysis from other teams in the league, not just for personal enjoyment, but also for Fantasy Baseball reasons, and to see how different teams are affecting the Mets whether it be divisional play, to see if a team is hot when coming to Shea, etc.

So where would i turn for such coverage? Well, i would, like you, assume that i could turn to the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network or, to friends, ESPN. ESPN promises comprehensive coverage of all major sporting events from bass fishing to NASCAR, as well as the non-white trash sports in between. However, of all of the "Big 6" of sports (NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, College Football, College Basketball), Major League Baseball gets the least screen time, as well as least analysis.

For instance, right now Barry "Hindenburg Head" Bonds is a few HRs shy of becoming the 2nd all time home run hitter in MLB history (i say this because there is a Japanese player, Sadaharu Oh, who is technically the all-time leader). On top of this, Bonds is currently under a grand jury investigation for perjury, and steriod allegations abound. Many people claim that "hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in professional sports." If that is true, than shouldn't this be a bigger story? The last week, ESPN has dedicated more time and analysis to the NFL Draft - a sporting event in name only - than any other news story. This is during both the NHL and NBA playoffs, during Bonds' home run chase, and during St. Louis Fist Baseman Albert Pujols' record breaking 14-homerun April. But no, focus is placed instead on whether or not No. 2 Draft Pick Reggie Bush's parents were involved in some innapropriate deal that may require him to forfeit his Heisman Trophy. Granted, this is a big story, but it is NOT bigger than the Bonds story.

Granted, the NFL has far surpassed MLB as the 'nation's passtime' despite claims to the contrary, and college sports only dominate the headlines for a small part of each year, but baseball seriously gets the shaft coverage wise. I have a few theories why:

1) Violence = Ratings

Despite the occasional hit batsman or outfield collision, baseball is a relatively peaceful game that doesn't have a lot of confrontational highlights. Slam dunking over someone's head is meaner and more agressive than a beautiful 4-6-3 double play, and gets thrice the coverage because of it.

2) Statistics

The average sports fan wants fodder to discuss over the water cooler, and seeing a home run, a strikeout, and the score of a ballgame is apparently enough to do that. We typically don't see a pitcher's WHIP, or a batter's OPS discussed on TV, because the average viewer doesn't care about statistics. The average viewer, like the average Yankee fan, cares more about wins-losses than any other useful statistic. However, to fully understand a 1-0 game, or even an 11-4 game, you need more than just that info. You need a least a line score, if not some analysis - was it the starting pitcher or the bullpen that gave up the majority of the runs? Were they all earned? Was the ball flying out of the park, or was it a slapping the ball in the gaps kind of day? You bet that you'll see the Lakers highlights talk about assists, blocked shots and technical fouls and during football season you'll see enough analysis to make you sick. So is it really the stats?

3) Pacing

Baseball is a patient sport - an at bat can last 7-10 pitches, plus throws to the first baseman, a catcher's visit to the mound, etc - ie. a good at bat can last a few minutes. Compound that by the minimum of 27 batters per team, and we're talking about a long game. There are not always easy ways to edit a game to make it into a fun, 25 second clip. Sports and the news have a lot in common this way - and that is why a serious sports fan and a serious citizen will read a newspaper for their news over a blurb inbetween the naming of Tom Cruise's baby and Bush taking softball questions from some hicks in Georgia on the evening news.

4) Baseball Fan's Literacy > Any Other Sports Fan's Literacy

Baseball fans pour over box scores, the blogs and the daily sports pages daily, as the huge number of fantasy baseball leagues will tell you. No other sports have really gotten as big fantasy wise as baseball has. Why? Because the fans care about the actual stats and dig deeper than fans of any other sport. I suppose this is also because baseball is simply a more complicated sport and therefore the fans will tend to be more intelligent, or else they wouldn't understand what consitutes a balk, or a quality start, or the difference between a curveball and a slider.

So because we read more, understand math more, and are more patient and peaceful, we suffer. I hope that perhaps we will see a sea change in this area, and come to a place (or a network) that will give more comprehensive analysis to those fans out there, like myself, who really care.

_____ of the Week

2006-04-24T22:16:00.000-04:00

Song of the Week - "Rubber Shirt" - Frank Zappa (What is so cool about this track is that if you listen to it, you assume that it is a drummer and bass player jamming. That is not really the case - the drums and bass are from two different live jams of two different songs, that were 18 months apart! Zappa simply isolated the drums from one and the bass from another, and randomly dumped one on top of the other. It sounds like an incredibly tight jam, but its just Zappa luck.)
URL of the Week - Global Warming - Not funny
IM Conversation of the Week - See previous post
Meal of the Week - Pork Fajitas at On the Border
The Onion Headline of the Week - (from their podcast) Fat Family Has Fat Pets
Beatles Song of the Week - "Hey Jude" (as performed by the Mutato Muzika Orchestra during the opening credits of the Royal Tenenbaums)

From the Desk of Ed Kelly

2006-04-23T07:11:00.000-04:00

So i texted Ed last night, "As much as a i hate the Mets black uniforms, the camouflage Padres jerseys are the worst," to which Ed hillariously replied "YOU HATE AMERICA." This is the IM conversation he had with my away message afterwards:

ZapRowsdower8: i hope you didnt take my "You hate America" text message to heart
Auto response from GringoStarrRock: ooh ahh
ZapRowsdower8: i know you don't hate america
ZapRowsdower8: JUST OUR TROOPS!!!
ZapRowsdower8: Go back to Italy where you belong!!!
ZapRowsdower8: (BTW I agree, Padres camo is worse than the Mets black) Love you!

I love you too sweet man.

(By the way, that is the less offensive of the two camo jerseys - i couldn't find the more sand colored one)

Hey...Bob drinks...so i should drink like an asshole!

2006-04-21T19:35:00.000-04:00

So last night i had the extreme pleasure of seeing Mr. Robert Pollard, formerly of Guided By Voices, at Irving Plaza ("New York's Premiere Rock Nightclub"). Bob is known for being quite possibly the most prolific songwriter working today (in 2006 Bob will release at least 5 full length records, plus probably some singles/EPs) and also for being quite a drinker.

Bob does not simply have a few beers on stage. On the drum reiser there is a cooler filled with beer, and a half-finished bottle of Jose Cuervo tequilla. The drinking only adds to Bob's mystique, along with his microphone-swinging, chain smoking, leg-kicking, jumping up and down routine that he still pulls off at 48 years of age.

Now, this is probably unhealthy, as well know, but it is Bob's deal and i respect his decisions. What i don't respect are the people in the front of the stage begging Bob and his band (featuring former Frank Black sideman Dave Philips) for beers and shots of tequilla. This was infuriating me for a number of reasons:

1) There is a bar 100 feet behind you. I know they sell beer, and i'm pretty sure you could get tequilla too. And yes, i know it is expensive, but don't you think that its somewhat rude to ask a stranger ("We're not strangers, we're Bob-heads!" Fuck you, you're fans, not the guy's personal buddies) for a drink that they paid for (or earned as part of their deal for playing the club).

2) All of these people had wristbands, ie. they are old enough to buy their own. Once again, i would not approve of a bunch of high schoolers shouting at a musician and asking for a beer, but i would understand the thought process: Uncle Bob is cool, he won't card us - bring on the free hooch! But no, everyone was of age, and i'd say they were all probably older than i am as well.

3) Shouting requests are something that bugs me to begin with, but shouting requests and drink pleads so much so that i couldn't hear Bob's famously hillarious between song comments. "HEY BOB!! TEQUILLA YOU FUCKING BITCH" Yeah, that was much better than hearing what song is coming next. Not only that, but you're calling the guy you paid $20 to go see a bitch. What is the thinking there? He's playing for over 2 hours, he's giving it his all, he picked NYC as one of the only spots he's hitting on this tour - what exactly makes him a bitch? Does he look like a bitch? DOES...HE...LOOK....LIKE A BITCH? (Pulp Fiction anyone?)

On top of all of that, there was a guy in front of me (i eventually moved over to stage left to get away from this guy) who was shouting in his friend's ear the entire time and dancing like he was at a club. He openly said he's never heard GBV or Bob's solo stuff, but he was there "to drink and have a good time." Once again, in theory this doesn't bug me, maybe he'd walk out with a new record or at least a respect for Bob, but the guy was also saying he only listens to hip hop. Now, i'm trying to understand why this kid would want to spent $20 on a ticket, plus drinks at the club, which are $5-6 a pop...hey, maybe i understand why THIS guy would be asking Bob for a beer - which he was doing repeatedly. I don't know who was more annoying - that guy, or the two frat guys to my right who were hugging so much and shouting for beer so much and just draping over one another that i swear these two macho ddues were about two seconds away from making out. I have a feeling their frat would NOT like that very much.

So this begs the question: Does the fact that Bob drinks on stage actually hinder his performances, but not for the reason of his own drunkenness, but because of the 'bad example' he sets for his audience? If so, that's a terrible consequence of Bob trying to unwind on stage. Reportedly, at a GBV book signing in the last year, Bob had a cooler of beer next to him even there. Maybe he struggles with stage fright, and the drinking is the only way he can bring himself to perform. Or maybe he really does have a problem. However, that is not my decision to make. Nor is Bob up there telling his audience to be irresponsible and be obnoxiously drunk. He didn't tell that girl right in front of me to get up on stage, and instead of stage diving, to simple step off the 2 1/2 foot stage. She, no doubt, fell to her knees in pain. And she crushed the poor girl next to me's feet. Is this the type of behaviour that i have to expect the next time (and hopefully there will be a next time) i see Bob perform? If so, i'll be safe at the bar, drinking my beer with the other quiet, respectful drunks who are spending their hard earned $6 for a Guinness in a can.

Why was Arrested Development cancelled? Because you are lame

2006-04-20T10:32:00.000-04:00

Dear America,

Last night, because i like to re-open old wounds (and because Erin hadn't seen it yet), i re-watched the series finale of Arrested Development. This is a shame on so many levels - yes, the last 4 episodes were great, but not as great as another season would have been. There are many reasons i could give for why the show wasn't more popular: the documentary-style camera work, the obtrusive voice-overs, the endless supply of in-jokes that carry over from episode to episode (and even season to season), but only one thing is really true: The show didn't succeed because you suck.

In a country that elected a man who fell off of a device even Gob could ride, where, like Buster, people enjoy watching Skating with Celebrities, and where people only think of Parmesan as a delicious cheese, not enough people watched this fantastic show. Blame Fox if you like, but really, blame yourselves.

Blame yourselves for not introducing others to the show - if every one of the 5 million weekly viewers told their friends about it (like i tried to do), maybe enough people would have watched or Tivo'd it weekly.

Blame yourselves for not writing letters to Fox demanding another chance.

Blame yourselves for not buying the DVDs.

Blame yourselves most of all for your lack of trying. People often told me "i can't follow the show, its too confusing." I'm sorry, that is bullshit. If you gave it the old college try, you could easily follow the show. Yes, it is extremely self-referential, but that leads to some of the best gags the show had.

If a show's guest stars tell you about its quality (which i don't really believe - see Will and Grace - every unfunny episode of that show has some decent celeb sitting in), then argue with this: Zach Braff (Scrubs, Garden State), Liza Minelli (adored by gay men everywhere), Henry Winkler (the fucking FONZ!), Martin Mull (the guy who tried to bed Terri Garr in Mr. Mom), Scott Baio (Chachi! Charles! Diagnosis Murder!). Not to mention the cast itself: Jason Bateman (Teen Wolf Too!), David Cross (general hillarity), Jeffrey Tambor (The Larry Sanders Show, Muppets in Space), Jessica Walter (PCU). The comedy gods gave us the perfect television show: smart, funny, subversive, well written, well acted, multi-layered and just plain funny. And what did we do with it? We squandered it, you fucking robots!

So basically, next time you hear someone bemoaning bad tv, punch them in the neck - you had your chance America, and you blew it. Enjoy your Freddie!

Love and Kisses,
Brian

The Best of the Internet This Week So Far

2006-04-12T10:15:00.000-04:00

From Do The Math, the Bad Plus's Blog:

Condi's PR piano

We are appalled by the classical music establishment's interest in Rice's music-making. (It's not just the NY Times. Recently, Some of our fav blogs have been guardedly respectful of her too.)

No.

When you are that personally connected and responsible for extensive murder and mayhem in the world, your amateur piano playing is NOT a news story.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Google's Quote of the Day:

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
- WH Auden

- - - - - - - - - - -

From Matthew Cerrone's Metsblog:

In 23 at-bats this season, Mets 3B David Wright is batting .435, with two HR, 10 RBI, a stolen base, two walks and he has yet to strike out…

- - - - - - - - - - -
From Popmatters:

JAZZ TODAY: The Strange, Mixed Fate of Steely Dan

- - - - - - - - - - -

And finally, a Catch-22 quote from Dan. I love this book SOOOOO much.

"Do you think it does you credit to have your chaplain hanging around
here every night? He's in here every goddamn time I come."

"You're right, sir, absolutely right," Colonel Cathcart responded. "It
does me no credit at all. And I am going to do something about it,
this very minute."

"Aren't you the one who ordered him to come here?"

"No, sir, that was Colonel Korn. I intend to punish him severely, too."

"If he wasn't a chaplain," General Dreedle muttered, "I'd have him
taken outside and shot."

"He's not a chaplain," Colonel Carthcart advised helpfully.

"Isn't he? Then why the hell does he wear that cross on his collar if
he's not a chaplain?"

"He doesn't wear a cross on his collar, sir. He wears a silver leaf.
He's a lieutenant colonel."

"You've got a chaplain who's a lieutenant colonel?" inquired General
Dreedle with amazement.

"Oh no, sir. My chaplain is only a captain."

"Then why the hell does he wear a silver leaf on his collar if he's
only a captain?"

"He doesn't wear a silver lead on his collar, sir. He wears a cross."

"Go away from me now, you son of a bitch."

The Emo Test

2006-04-06T08:52:00.000-04:00

1) Do you cry a lot?
2) Do you listen to Dashboard Confessional?
3) Do you dress like a jerk?

If you have answered yes to any two of these questions, you're emo.

The first _____ of the Year!

2006-04-05T12:25:00.000-04:00

Song of the Week: "Lady, Your Roof Brings Me Down" - Scott Weiland (anyone remember this song? Dan? Kenny?)
URL of the Week: Nintendo Sixty FOOOOOUUUUUR
Exchange of the Week: Brian: You know, Orson Welles was on the cover of TIME magazine at
24, i think. Maybe 25.
Kenny: Wow, that's depressing.
Scott: Oh man. I'm going to go shoot the president!
Meal of the Week: Sausage and Peppers at Shea Stadium
The Onion Headline of the Week: My Adopted Daughter is the Most Beautiful Child in the Third World
Beatles Song of the Week: "Wait"

Popmatters destroys me daily...

2006-03-28T14:45:00.000-05:00

Love the Doubleplay, Hate the Shortstop

Man, o man, Popmatters is fantastic.

When opinions attack...

2006-03-21T14:41:00.000-05:00

http://www.bob-rice.com/Music/CD-NO/CD-NO.html

I wrote a half-joking email to one of my favorite songwriters, and he posted it on his website!

Read on...

No. 5 in the National News

2006-03-16T12:58:00.000-05:00

USA Today ran a great article on my boy David Wright today. Check it out here.

Let's hope this season is where it all comes together for the Metsies.

Podcast?

2006-02-28T16:44:00.000-05:00

Survey: Would you rant readers download a podcast if i made a Rantcast? You could physically HEAR me bitching and moaning. Post a comment w/ YES or NO

Larry David makes me laugh

2006-02-20T12:35:00.000-05:00

Cowboys Are My Weakness

Art for Art's Sake

2006-02-06T10:33:00.000-05:00

If you are a creative person, please read this and think

This is a fascinating look at how not everyone gets into music (or any creative business really) for the reasons of making a million bucks because, sometimes, that is 100% unlikely.

The Rant is becoming more of a "Brian posts links to articles" lately, but i promise to be back with some pith and vinegar soon.

Oh, and good job Steelers!

How can his aides be even bigger asses than he is?

2006-02-02T09:29:00.000-05:00

Oh Boy

This totally ruined my day already. Literally the only policy Bush has ever pushed that i could have actually gotten behind, and he 'didn't mean it literally.'

Ah, David Rees:

2006-01-22T14:55:00.000-05:00

http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/images/gywo.xmas_wish.gif

(its too wide for Blogger)

The Top 30, Pt. 3

2006-01-16T15:21:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the delay folks...

10. Sleater-Kinney – The Woods

Raw, distorted electric guitars, booming drums, no bass and lovely female vocals: nothing all that new for Sleater-Kinney – ‘cept for the allegorical “The Fox” and the absurdly long for S-K guitar jam out “Let’s Call It Love.” Like all bands worth their weight in anything other than feces and Creed albums, S-K’s evolution continues without alienation (at least in my eyes). Another album produced with skill by Dave Fridmann (who shows that he can work outside of his comfort zone and produce something this fiercely raw), S-K remains inspiring not just for young girls out there who are looking for a musical role model that doesn’t lip-synch or suck, but for all fans of good music.

Representative track: “Modern Girl”

9. The King of France – The King of France

Another odd source for me finding this band: Edward Norton. Over a year ago, pure curiosity struck me when on iTunes I saw his celebrity playlist, which had several KofF songs on it. I investigated and liked what I heard. I subsequently saw them live, picked up their album and have tried to spread the word to others. Their drummer, Michael Azzerad, is one of the finest rock journalist alive as well, which makes up for the fact their singer is a cocky, self absorbed bastard onstage (I have no idea of his off stage manner). But I love ‘em anyway. Certainly a promising debut (as a band – singer/songwriter Steve Salad put out an album under this name a few years ago, but it did not feature Azzerad.

Representative track: "Watch Out For The Man"

8. Menomena – Under An Hour

From dancy, beat-driven indie rock to chamber music with a drum set, Menomena morphed between their first two albums like few bands I can think of (Liars and the Modern Lovers are the only two that come to mind). The three pieces that make up the album (quite literally under an hour – around 54 minutes) were commissioned by a dance troupe calling themselves The Monster Squad (awesome) and the band debuted the tunes live with the troupe last year. The album jumps out of your speakers with lots of horns, percussion and keyboards – it is truly an exciting cycle of songs. What is next, Menomena? Maybe they can convince me that deep down I really do like polka.

Representative track: "Flour"

7. Scott Amendola Band – Believe

Back in the day I hear what I thought was a new Pearl Jam song on the radio. It turns out it was some guy named Mike Watt, and his buddies Dave Grohl and Eddie Vedder were playing on that song, called “Against the 70s.” Well, that made me investigate Watt, and I’ve been a huge fan ever since. From Watt I discovered guitarist extraordinaire Nels Cline, and through Nels, drummer Scott Amendola. Nels plays guitar on Amendola’s latest album, Believe and the results are fantastic. Featuring Amendola’s vision of “strings and percussion” exclusively, the album features bass, violin, drums and guitars courtesy of Mr. Cline and Jeff Parker of Tortoise. I suppose you could call the music jazz, but it is really more than that. It is in the pocket yet loose, experimental yet familiar and just flat out good.

Representative track: "Oladipo"

6. Frank Black – Honeycomb

Solo for the first time since 1996, Black enlisted the help of Nashville producer Jon Tiven to bring this batch of songs to life. Tiven, in turn, brought together some of Nashville’s best – Steve Cropper (Booker T and the MGs, the Blues Brothers), Spooner Oldham (Neil Young), Anton Fig (The Late Show Orchestra), etc – to flesh out the recordings. The results are mixed – the songs are some of Black’s best, but the shotty production of Tiven leaves the album sounding flat and lifeless at times when the combination of talent should have burned through the tape. However, the songs are so strong, and certain performances so strong (like the extended Reggie Young guitar solo at the end of “My Life is in Storage”) that you can’t help marvel at the quality of the album even if, like so many other things, it could have been so much more.

Representative track: “Honeycomb”

5. Calexico/Iron and Wine – In The Reigns

Like peanut butter and chocolate, some things were just made to go together. Sam Beam’s downtrodden characters feel more optimistic than usual when backed by the southwestern sounds of Calexico – the pedal steel especially brightens up the arrangements. The added instrumentation may seem unnecessary to some, but this is truly an inspired pairing, and one that I hope continues in the years to come.

Representative track: “A History of Lovers”

4. Stephen Malkmus – Face the Truth

Equal parts of his chameleon-like debut and his jammy Pig Lib, Face the Truth feels a little bit like a crossroads for Malkmus – all of his other records (save Terror Twilight) felt like a progression from the previous, and this album feels a bit like someone taking stock of their back catalog of songs. Sure, there are a few tracks that really don’t reference his past (most notably “Kindling for the Master”), but for the most part we are in familiar territory. Which is NOT a bad thing at all – “Mama” is a bright piece of nostalgia pop, “Post-Paint Boy” sounds like the musical sequel to “Major Leagus” and “It Kills” should have been track 2 on Pig Lib. Will “Pencil Rot” and “Baby C’Mon” signal a move towards more loud guitar sounds in the future? Only time will tell.

Representative track: “Pencil Rot”

3. The Bad Plus – Suspicious Activity?

The world’s greatest jazz band slows down the pace on their 3rd Columbia record. There are only a few cases of the band getting up to its usual speed, but the record does not drag – it simply invites you in and then, like a lazy river ride at a water park, carries you around for awhile. There are a few more studio parlor tricks this time around as well – like the keyboard introduction to “Rhinoceros is my Profession” and the processed drums on “Anthem for the Earnest.” “Let Our Garden Grow,” my personal favorite, is at first (and even second) listen an uncontrolled mass that occasionally has something resembling a melodic structure, but upon further listens, the track becomes as straight forward as “Happy Birthday” – you just have to listen enough to figure out the password. For the unadventurous listener: stay away (especially because there is only one cover song here, “(There From) Chariots of Fire”)

Representative track: “O.G. (Original Gentleman)”

2. The New Pornographers – Twin Cinema

It is almost unfair how well A.C. Newman writes music. Simple songs that stick in your head all day long are not simple to write, but Newman does it with ease. This is by far the most diverse N.P.s album thus far, not that there are many songs that you aren’t singing along to half way through the second chorus, but the band has stretched out a bit. More ballads (if you can call songs about fables and human remains ballads), more diverse guitar sounds, and the most straight-ahead songs Dan Bejar has ever brought to the table. Neko Case, as always, is a doll face both in person and on record, and her voice lifts these songs to near-impossible levels. If the typical ‘every two years’ pattern of records is going to be the norm for this collective, then I’m a very happy man.

Representative track: “Sing Me Spanish Techno”

1. Sufjan Stevens – Sufjan Stevens Presents: Come on! Feel the Illinoise!

One word: epic. This album is densely packed with marching band-horns, guitars, percussion and voices but never once feels cramped. Stevens paints a large canvas here, with songs about serial killers, superheroes, first ladies, zombies and cities in his second of the 50 States project. I could go on and on about his songwriting, vocal and arranging skills, but there are enough people out there saying the same things I’m saying. All I can do is very strongly suggest you pick up this record, and if it doesn’t hit you right away, wait until the shift in track 3 – if you’re anything like me (or Dan D’Ippolito) from that point on, you’re sold.

Representative track: “Come On! Feel the Illinoise!”

The Top 30 - Pt. 2

2006-01-12T00:17:00.000-05:00

20. Happy Apple – The Peace Between Our Companies

Happy Apple is a 3-piece band consisting of electric bass, drums and saxophone. They play what most would call jazz. Their drummer, David King, plays in another band you may have heard of, called The Bad Plus. I am certain that the last item in the above paragraph is how many people have come to know Happy Apple; it is certainly how I did. Besides the fact that they share a member, the Bad Plus and Happy Apple are also classic deconstructionists – they take what you think ‘jazz’ should be and crack it open and mess with its insides. The Bad Plus do it in a number of ways – covering rock and roll songs, playing with rhythms and time signatures, all the while insisting they are not a ‘jazz’ band. Happy Apple see their bet and raise them: the music is, in some places so stark and empty that you may be lead to believe the record is a strict stereo mix and one of your speakers is out. The band at times (such as the first half of “Paulie’s Quick Temper Has Gotten Him Into A Few Jams”) appears to come out of the gate as a three-headed monster, with all three players playing seemingly in sync, before unspooling into the kind of controlled chaos that is both exciting and nerve-wracking.

Representative track: “Paulie’s Quick Temper Has Gotten Him Into a Few Jams”

19. 50 Foot Wave – Free Music

Even though they released a full-length album earlier this year, 50 Foot Wave’s most effective release was a 5 song EP that is found free at their website (www.throwingmusic.com). The band simply works best when the track listing represents the band: quick, lean and loud. The EP hits you hard and quick and leaves you wanting more, the way all good music should.

Representative track: “Vena Cava”

18. Liz Janes and Create (!) – Liz Janes and Create (!)

See if you can follow this: a San Diego based singer-songwriter with a folksy bent hooks up with a Los Angeles based free jazz collective and they record an album live in the studio using only acoustic instruments and they only play old spirituals, reworked and rearranged to fit the instrumentation. The result is a somber and sparse record that makes you feel like you were in the woods with the band as they recorded it. Janes’ voice sounds far older than her years and the song choices really show off her range, and Create (!) play it relatively straight (at least for a free jazz collective!).

Representative track: “Run, Old Jeremiah/Keep Your Hands on the Plow”

17. Paul McCartney – Chaos and Creation in the Backyard

Somehow, every ten years or so, Paul McCartney makes a good album. And it is usually hailed as a return to form. However, McCartney has not made 2 great albums back to back since McCartney and Ram, and it is doubtful that he ever will again. But this may be a good start. Produced with skill by Nigel Goodrich, most famous for his work with Radiohead, Beck, Pavement and other indie-rock types, the album is McCartney putting the lease amount of schmaltz on a record since the Nixon administration. Not for everyone (my parents thoroughly dislike it), but a very nice piece of music considered it was recorded by the same guy who wrote “Say Say Say.”

Representative track: “Anyway” (And peep the electric coda)

16. Clor – Clor

Still available as an import-only (I’m so ahead of you bitches I get my jams overseas), Clor’s self-titled debut is an energetic collection of synthy pop songs played with sharp guitars and great vocals. This is not one of those “wow, this is something totally new!” sounding albums, but it is a natural refinement on so much of the garbage 80s retread garbage getting modern rock airplay right now. It is tighter, better arranged and more exciting than just about anything you’ll hear on a modern rock station.

Representative track: “Love + Pain”

15. El Ten Eleven – El Ten Eleven

I never thought I would say this in this context, but thank you Entertainment Weekly. Your brief description of this band’s “Lorge” in the Download This! Section of your magazine got me to shell out 10 bucks for this CD, and it was well worth it. A duo from So. Cal that use a double necked guitar and lots of layering that makes really interesting, exciting and approachable instrumental rock (i.e. you won’t be intimidated by the shredding and/or atonality, because there is none of either). Apparently they can faithfully recreate it live – I hope they brought a few loop pedals. And I hope they tour the east coast soon.

Representative track: “Lorge”

14. Minus the Bear – Menos El Oso

In my college radio days, I was once at a party that Minus the Bear was playing at and I was thoroughly impressed. I somehow got a promo person at AAM to give me one of their CDs, but it got lost in the shuffle of what was a whirlwind week of drinking and music. Well earlier this year I rediscovered the band’s CD whilst moving, and was hooked all over again. I went out almost immediately and ordered Menos El Oso, their latest release and was again impressed. Gone are the long, silly titles and they have refined their sound a little bit, but all the exciting parts are still there.

Representative track: “Fulfill the Dream”

13. Devendra Banhart – Cripple Crow

“Freak folk” as it has been dubbed in the press, is something that is simultaneously attractive and repulsive: playing with the established pattern of songwriting (good), having a collective of like minded artists supporting each other (very good), singing more about nature (so-so), really unkempt musicians who don’t shower very often (not so good). Despite his matted hair (both on his head and on his face), Banhart is charming in every way on Cripple Crow. This is the perfect “wake up in the AM, make coffee, do a crossword puzzle and listen to a record” record. Funny, peaceful and sprawling, this record has something for everyone (well, everyone who enjoys lyrics like “if I lived in China, I’d have some Chinese children”) and should be the perfect soundtrack to your next hangover.

Representative track: “Lazy Butterfly”

12. Ween – Shinola, Vol. 1

The only “compilation” on my list doesn’t feel like a compilation. Ween has been scouring its archives for a series of albums focusing on their unreleased output. Somehow this collection of outtakes that spans a decade sounds more focused than Quebec, their latest album. Like most week albums, there are some hilarious moments, some great performances and overall, a lot of brown.

Representative track: “Boys Club”

11. Low – The Great Destroyer

Low further their reputation of being post-rock’s lowest flying satellite with this album. Dave Fridmann’s influence pushes this album into more conventional terrain, with songs like “Monkey” becoming far denser than previous Low albums would suggest. The theme of aging is heavily present on the record, especially the 2^nd half. That doesn’t mean that the songs are meditations on grey hair; they are interesting, complex and sometimes sad pieces that deal with the realities of playing rock and roll outside your 20s.

Representative track: “When I Go Deaf”

Tomorrow brings #s 10-1 - Same bat time, same bat blog.

The Top 30 - Pt. 1

2006-01-10T14:17:00.000-05:00

Well, that time is here again - Brian's Top 30 albums of 2005. This year i gave serious listens to the almost 60 albums in my posession released in '05 (and i missed a whole bunch i still wanted to hear - Art Brut, the Books, Digitial Ash in a Digital Urn, etc.), and narrowed it down to my top 30 (although i could have done a top 40, i thought that was a bit overkill). Nearly a third of the list is EPs, proving my theory that it is an equally appropriate way to deliver music and that the LP should share some love with its junior counterpart. I am sure many of you will disagree with my choices, so please, post your own favorites as comments. And if anyone would like my two-cd set of all the 'representative tracks,' IM me and we'll work something out. Or leave a comment. Whichever.

30. Animal Collective - Feels

Like everyone else in the universe, Animal Collective was listening to the Arcade Fire last year. This album still has a lot of the elements of Sung Tongs but on the whole has less found sound and more typical song structure. Overall, the album is an interesting refinement that begs the question of where will they turn next?

Representative track: “Grass”

29. Prefuse 73 – Reads the Books

The best way to describe this collaboration is to say that it is like if someone were to make a collage out of pieces of other collages. The Books are masters of manipulating field recordings and simple guitar and cello parts into beautiful soundscapes. Here, Prefuse 73 (Scott Herren) takes those pieces and chops ‘em up again and creates something equally impressive out of the parts.

Representative track: “Pagina Ocho”

28. Petra Haden – Sings The Who Sell Out

“Challenged” by Mike Watt to attempt this project, Haden (daughter of jazz great Charlie Haden and former member of that dog. and the Rentals) sang all the parts of the Who’s great Sell Out album – all the guitars, drums, bass and vocal parts. The result, you would expect, might appear silly or gimmicky, but the strength of Pete Townsend’s songwriting shines through to make this a unique and fun record.

Representative track: “I Can See For Miles”

27. Kanye West – Late Registration

Still not the most gifted MC on the planet, Kanye knows how to surround himself with top-notch talent. Co-producer Jon Brion brings sonic qualities usually not associated with hip-hop and, with a really great group of samples, works through West’s sometimes forced rhymes to make the best mainstream hip hop album of the year.

Representative track: “Gold Digger”

26. My Morning Jacket – Z

The album that now is the lowest alphabetically in my collection, Z brings out all the potential that MMJ has shown over the last few years. The songs are significantly stronger and more tightly focused than on any of their other records, and the band takes a few more liberties in the studio (even breaking out a synthesizer now and then!). As much as people loved their southern rock meets indie rock before, I don’t think anyone expected an album this sophisticated this soon. Oh, and if you don’t like reverb and beards, don’t pick this album up.

Representative track: “Off The Record”

25. Iron and Wine – Woman King

Sam Beam has had a consistently amazing track record since emerging on the scene. Two brilliant full lengths, equally (if not more) brilliant EPs, a successful collaborative EP (see later in the list), and of course, his cover of “Such Great Heights.” Woman King breaks new ground in its introduction of electric guitar into the mix, but the basics are still there – great, melancholy songs sung in the hushed whisper that he does so well.

Representative track – “Woman King”

24. Ray Davies – Thanksgiving Day

Perhaps the 60s act that’s work has dropped off the least, the former Kinks frontman puts out a short teaser for his full length solo debut, due in February. Both versions of “Thanksgiving Day” put it among the best songs released in 2005 and some of the best work Davies has done since the early 70s. The other tracks are all fantastic as well, and I for one am salivating for his album to drop.

Representative track: “Thanksgiving Day”

23. Broken Social Scene – Broken Social Scene

I avoided this album for a few months because I literally almost had a panic attack reading an article about it. The article interviewed 3 of the principle members of BSS and was focused on how long it took and how hard it was for them to complete this album. As someone who is starting to record an album himself, this really made me panic – if the 12 people in the band (counting their producer) couldn’t finish an album, how can one guy (me) do it? But once I grew up and checked it out, I am very glad I did. Perhaps not quite as strong as You Forgot It In People, but undeniably great. Plus, who doesn’t love that drum sound?

Representative track: “7/4 (Shoreline)”

22. Deerhoof – The Runners Four

The Bay Area’s Deerhoof combine early 60s rock and roll with avant-garde weirdness and some heavy guitars to create something that is pretty indescribable. Over the past few albums their songwriting has become more refined and accessible, but no one would ever accuse this band of selling out. ‘Cept maybe Yoko Ono.

Representative track: “Sirustar”

21. Bright Eyes – I’m Wide Awake, Its Morning

Every few years someone emerges as the “new Gram Parsons.” A few years ago it was Ryan Adams, and now it seems that Connor Oberst, a.k.a. Bright Eyes, is looking to fill that void (coincidentally, on both of their most Parsons-ish records, Parsons’ ex, Emmylou Harris, sings). This album features some of Oberst’s best work played in its most country-ish manner, and the result is a really stunning collection of songs played immaculately. Even though many emo-kids identify w/ Oberst, he is no Dashboard Confessional – his music won’t sound childish to a 23 year old the way that D.C.’s does.

Representative track: “At the Bottom of Everything”

Stay tuned tomorrow for #s 20-11...

High Five in O-Five

2006-01-06T00:25:00.000-05:00

2005 Wrap-Up (Stolen From Erin and Eileen)

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Worked a full calender year w/o going to school in between
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Sort of and yes
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I don't think so
4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes
5. What countries did you visit? The USA
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? A bit more money, a better vacation and some finished music to show for myself
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? this may sound sad, but there is not one singular day this year that stands out all that much. that is a bad thing
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Successes at work
9. What was your biggest failure? Failures and work/not playing enough music
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just the usual stuff and wisdom teeth
11. What was the best thing you bought? lots of good music and some good concert tickets
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? The Bad Plus, Ira Glass, George Clooney and Sufjan Stevens for advancements in the arts
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? W.
14. Where did most of your money go? Rent/bills
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Good music and good times with friends/family
16. What song will always remind you of 2005? "Love and Pain" - Clor (no subtext here - its just a damn fine piece of music)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? about the same
richer or poorer? a little richer
thinner or fatter? about the same, maybe a bit thinner
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? music and traveling
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? eating
20. How did you spend the holidays? working (sort of) and with family and friends
21. Did you fall in love in 2005? already was
22. How many one-night stands? i watched two episodes of the HBO stand up comedy series of the same name if that counts
23. What was your favorite TV program? Arrested Development
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No
25. What was the best book you read? EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE - Jonathan Safran Foer
26. What was your favorite film of this year? GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK
27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? slightly beyond college
28. Whom did you miss? friends and the p'zone tv commercial
29. Who was the best new person you met? i either have a bad memory or i didn't meet that many people this year
30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: that i'm too old to get petty over small things.

The Cult of Beck

2005-12-13T10:14:00.000-05:00

http://www.lermanet.com/beck/

If you have some time and want to read a fascinating article on Beck and Scientology (Beck has in the last year 'come out' as a practicing Scientologist), click above. It is incredibly well thought out and, frankly, a bit scary.

I hate to subscribe to conspiracy theories, but Beck's latest album, GUERO, was pretty shitty, and there are a lot of theories about its Scientology roots and how he has stopped reaching out to new forms of music (for the uninformed - Beck's albums up until GUERO had very little to do with one another musically - the dense, sample based ODELAY was followed by the 'band' record MUTATIONS, which was followed by the party-funk-Prince-worshiping MIDNIGHT VULTURES, which was followed by the somber and mostly acoustic SEA CHANGE) for the inability of Scientologists to interact with non-Scientologists. Fascinating stuff if you have a few minutes to read.

The best article ever written on Eminem

2005-12-12T11:42:00.000-05:00

http://www.popmatters.com/music/reviews/e/eminem-curtaincall.shtml

For good music writing, read that. Quite impressive.

My blog was jacked...

2005-12-08T20:56:00.000-05:00

...by Miss Erin Averill. She thinks she's funny.

I know otherwise.

-B

Justification for my sad life

2005-10-13T00:06:00.000-04:00

Charles Thompson = Frank Black

hi charles, brian here (from last week's interview) - it should be transcribed and up here soon! i guess that cat is out of the bag now...

thanks again for your time! and i wish i had better questions...

-Brian

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

twas a fine interview. a fine chat. looking forward to the piece. i enjoyed it. i ripped apart some of the questions, no? don't take it personally. just curious. wanna rip 'em open sometimes and see what's inside. it's bigger than both of us.

fb

The Mainstream Hip Hop Battle, Or, How Can I Justify Blasting Anti-Woman, Slur-Filled, Greed-Based Music?

2005-09-02T10:03:00.000-04:00

One of the undeniably great songs of this past summer has been "Gold Digger" by Kanye West. It samples an interesting source (Jamie Foxx singing Ray Charles), it has a great beat and it is catchy as shit. However, in the first 20 sections of the song, i have a problem with it - the "n" word (which i won't use here, but y'all know what i mean). Now, i understand that Kanye West saying that word and me, fat white guy, saying it are totally different things. However, it is a word that i feel does NOT make a positive difference being put in that song. The point of the song is that woman is using a man for his money - the guy's race has no place in the song ('cept for a white girl {not WHITE CHICKS, sorry Vin} joke at the end). We all know gold diggers both white (Anna Nicole Smith) and black (Lil' Kim) and let's not kid outselves here, it is not like Kanye is making his records for just black people or just white people. That track was produced by Jon Brion, who is a very white dude, and this white dude heard the song without having to go undercover to Compton. So why does West have to throw in this slur?

And i wish i could say that on the entire LATE REGISTRATION album (which i love by the way) that was the only slur. But 'dyke' and 'ho' are thrown around like the football at Christopher Walken's house in WEDDING CRASHERS. For music that has broken down so many boundaries (Wesley Clarke, in his presidential bid, was known for saying things like "Now i may not know much about rap music, but i do know that Outkast wants me to shake it like a polaroid picture!" or the fact that TIME magazine recently had the aforementioned Mr. West on the cover), rap is still pretty much a straight black man's club, in terms of what is discussed in the lyrics. I would assume that if you polled all people who write/produce rap music, they have the highest Democratic voting allegiance of any musical genre, yet their lyrics are the least liberal and accepting of any style of music. How many girls who call themselves feminisits dance at the club to lyrics that pretty much knock women down to being fuck holes and worthless baggage. Heavy Metal, Rock, and Pop Music have all succeeded in bringing gay artists into their genres and accepting them for who they are (Judas Priest's Rob Halford, Husker Du's Grant Hart and Bob Mould, George Michael, Elton John and the Indigo Girls just to name a few), but could imagine rap music (or country music for that matter) embracing an openly gay emcee? I can name more than a few times in some pretty popular rap tracks that gays have been openly bashed - could you imagine Hot 97 playing a song where a man sang about another man, even if he didn't really specify gender - if there was an openly gay rapper, any 'love' song he wrote would be burried deeper than Jimmy Hoffa.

Now, not all hip hop is like this, it really tends to be only the mainstream stuff that goes into this bashing. I've never heard Mos Def come out and call someone a 'fag' on record, and i probably never will. Now, Mos Def does not sell even one fraction of Jay Z's records, yet the Jigga man takes a misogynistic approach towards women CONSTANTLY in his records. Even in the song about how he loves his woman, "99 Problems" he still calls her a BITCH. Does this mean that the mainstream culture wants bashing of women and gays and to keep racial slurs alive? Well, look at who our president is...

So how do i, a liberal guy who considers himself both a feminist and someone who believes in total equality of all based on color and sexual orientation, justify blasting Kanye, or the Black Album (Jay Z, not Metallica) with those type of lyrics? I don't know - can anybody help me with this?

And don't even get me started on how someone with such good intentions to write songs about his FAITH (i'm still talking to you, Mr. "Jesus Walks") get away with this? I have a headache.

-------------------------------------------

And my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who has been effected by Hurricane Katrina. Please, if you can afford to, donate some time or money to helping people in our own country. For everyone who went to a LIVE 8 concert, or watched them on TV, look around and realize that we can't just be supportive and sympathetic to people overseas.

Excellent Article

2005-08-22T14:56:00.000-04:00

Lately, i've been posting more music stuff and more stuff that is interesting to me. This falls into both categories:

Blogger is a bitch, so i have to make this two lines so people can view it:

Fuck you, Blogger.

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/features/
weekly/05-08-22-the-chumbawamba-factor.shtml

Enjoy

Garth Brooks: The Antichrist

2005-08-19T10:01:00.000-04:00

http://www.billboard.com/bb/daily/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1001018037

For those too lazy to quickly peruse that article, i will sum it up. Garth Brooks has officially aligned himself with Walmart for their stores (along with the Walmart owned Sam's Club, as well as both websites) to EXCLUSIVELY sell his music. This means that if you want some shitty faux-country played by a chubby guy in a two-toned shirt and a cowboy hat, you have to trek your ass to Walmart. Not only does this align him with, arguably, the most evil retail-corporation in the world, but i also believe that this is proof that Garth Brooks has absolutely zero concern for his fans, and is effectively, shooting any chances of a comeback in the foot.

Let's tackle this in order, shall we?

First of all, this was done soley for money, which must be a large upfront check, along with a higher percentage of record sales. However, let's think about the logistics of this: Walmart has 4,700 stores world wide (http://www.larouchepub.com/other/2003/3044wal-mart.html). While this sounds like a good ammount, some quick math and internet searching has come up with the fact that this number isn't neccessarily all that important. Just looking at the currently most sucessful Internet and 'brick and mortar' stores, there will be 1200 Best Buys in North America by the end of next year (http://www.stores.org/archives/cover.asp), and Amazon.com, in 2001, had over 4 Million visitors during the Christmas rush (http://www.boxesandarrows.com/archives/the_evolving_homepage_the_growth_of_three_booksellers.php).

Now, certainly Amazon.com's business has grown since 2001, and on top of that most visitors that go to Amazon.com, even more so than Best Buy, are looking for a specific product. If you want the new Artist X album, you can type in Artist X, or the title of the record, and immediately you are seeing a price, a picture of the album, a review (or more), sound samples and customer comments. Now, this is not saying that someone looking for a new Artist X album may not wander into a Walmart for the same product, HOWEVER, only 2% of Walmart's total sales are music related (http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/6558540/thekillers?pageid=rs.Home&pageregion=single1&rnd=1097616001120&has-player=unknown).

The disturbing fact is that this still accounts for almost 20% of the music purchased in the United States.

However, if pure numbers are we are looking at, let's say that Garth Brooks sells even more than 20% of his records at Walmart - i'll be unrealistic and say he sells 50% of his records there. Well, how many people that make up that other 50% will travel to Walmart to buy his records? Compound that with the fact that he has retired from the music business until 2015 (when his youngest child graduates high school) so the only 'new' records in the realistic future would be live recordings and/or outtakes/rairites, both of which routinely sell worse than a new album. The only truly marketable record would be a new greatest hits record, which i am SURE you will see at Walmart registers within a year.

So besides from the die hard Garth Brooks fans, who will hear of his new releases via his website, or the casual Walmart shoppers, how will his fans get his music?

Now i am a bad example of this because, most people i am a fan of, i am a FAN of - i know when their new records come out, i preorder them and i occasionally buy multiple copies to give to people who i know will like it but wouldn't think to buy it. But let's take my lovely girlfriend, Erin, as an example. She is a big Ben Folds fan - seen him live twice, owns most of his records, and i'm sure would classify herself as a fan. Until i told her, she did not know there was a new Ben Folds record out. So, let's suppose that she now wants this record. Where is she most likely to go looking for it? Guess #1 - the mall - now, if Folds had pulled a Brooks, then she'd be shit out of luck. Try #2 - the local record shop - whether that be an indie retailer (like Rock and Groove {soon to be closed} in Closter) or the Sam Goody down the block (like in Wyckoff or Englewood) - sorry, no go. Or maybe when you stop by your 'more than a bookstore' chains like Borders or Barnes and Noble - nope, sorry. If Ben Folds sold exclusively through Walmart, Erin would be shit out of luck unless she ordered from Walmart's website, because there is not a Walmart in or near Teaneck, NJ until you go out to either Saddle Brook or Seacaucus, neither of which is exactly a stroll down the road (even though they are deceptively listed on the Walmart website as 4.38 and 6.90 miles from Teaneck, respectively).

Finally, the reunion business is big money these days. Bands that were only (at best) marginally financially successful during their original inception are making a boat load of money on the touring circuit these days. Bands like the Pixies, Dinosaur Jr, Gang of Four, Mission of Burma and the New York Dolls are making at least ten fold what they used to touring, because over the years since their demise, their catalogs remained (mostly) in print, and word of mouth brought new people to discover their music, even when radio didn't play their records. There have been plenty of artists (including the aforementioned Pixies) who i really got into after their breakup, whose catalog i have purchased, and who i have paid a LOT of money to go see live since their reunion. This doesn't take into account bands that never really left, like the Dead (previously the Other Ones, previously the Greatful Dead) and the Rolling Stones, or the reunited supergroups (The Eagles and Cream) who have put their kids' kids' kids' kids through college with their touring revenue. Even though the Stones release new records every few years, their catalog is what makes them all their money. If a kid gets into the Stones, what's he going to buy? Bridges to Babylon or Exile on Main Street? The big albums of the past are still the big albums of the present for so many of these bands.

So when, and if, Garth Brooks decides to start touring again, will his fan base even be there anymore? I can see many country music radio stations phasing him out a) if no new product is released and b) simply out of principle. If a radio station is owned by a parent company that owns a music store (which many, many do), are they really going to advertise a product that they have 0 chance of selling? Brooks' catalog will only drop in sales while being exclusively sold at Walmart, and yes, while sporadic projects (like a new box set or compilation) might sell even millions of copies, Brooks will likely make a good ammount LESS new fans by not having his records out there.

So basically, Garth Brooks is a whore who doesn't like his fans and who is putting the final nail in the coffin he bought with an extra large cranial area to fit that hat.

Best Anecdote Ever

2005-08-08T13:06:00.000-04:00

From the Violent Femmes Website...

"[Bassist] Brian Ritchie went to Femmes booking agent Frank Riley's office. Upon leaving he entered the elevator where he was joined by actor Sly Stallone. The elevator door did not close immediately, which visibly agitated Stallone. Rather than pressing the 'Door Close' button Stallone issued the following instruction,"Fuckin' door, CLOSE!"

Convent Life #1

2005-08-02T11:18:00.000-04:00

Well, for those who don't know, i am no longer in my tiny hovel of an apartment, but i live in what was used, for years, as a convent (yes, a house for nuns). As it is now empty, my boss offered me the place, which i accepted. I'm now pretty used to it, but its always funny showing the place to friends for the first time, because they tend to get a kick out of certain things that i have aquired with the place. A short, and by no means complete list follows:

1) An old, unused tabernacle.

Need a place to store some concecreated body of Christ? Let me know

2) This awesome, 1970s couch

Once a centipede crawled out of it, but i've inspected it and think that was an isolated incident.

3) A Geode

Because Geodes are awesome.

4) A clock from a religious supplies company.

It's always a good time to buy a new thurable.

5) A former bedroom, converted into a closet.

I spread out my clothes as much as possible and it still takes up less than 1/3 of the closet

6) This creepy, creepy doll

Maybe i'm just sick, but this seems like the kind of doll they would use in court for little girls to point to where the bad man touched them.

SU-ER -R-UP

2005-06-26T14:58:00.000-04:00

So this past Saturday i saw the New Pornographers in Brooklyn w/ Erin. Now, the show was great - they played a good ammount of new songs, and covered a lot of their first 2 albums as well (highlight by far: "Testament to Youth in Verse"). However, something about the show really really bugged me, and it's had me thinking ever since they started until now.

To fully understand the thought process, you must first know a little bit about the New Pornographers. They are a sort of indie rock supergroup. Fronted mainly by former Zumpano member A.C. (Carl) Newman, the group also features Destroyer's Dan Bejar, solo sensation (and #1 on Brian's 'Celebrities I'd Cheat On My Lady With' list) Neko Case, as well as members of lots of other Canada-based bands.

For this show, neither Bejar nor Case were present. This can be understood, as both have other projects/schedules, however it is still somewhat disarming. The show was advertised as the New Pornographers - and to a certain degree it was: John Collins, Kurt Dahle, Blaine Thurier, and Todd Fancy were there with Newman. But when it came time to play "Jackie," a Bejar tune, Dahle sang it. Newman also sang Bejar's "Testament to Youth in Verse." Now, this to me is quasi-acceptable, b/c they are active members of the band handling the songs.

However, Case's parts were sung by newest member Kathryn Calder. Not only her parts, but also her 3 'showcase songs' on the first two records, "Mass Romantic," "Letter From an Occupant" and "All For Swinging You Around." Now, Calder sang the songs fine, as well as i'm sure she could. But none of the scab singers could replace the vocals on the records by Bejar and Case, which begs the question: Was i duped that night?

Is it better to have seen 'The New Pornographers' on the Celebrate Brooklyn website or for them to have advertised it as "Most of the New Pornographers?" I still would have gone and seen the show, even if it was a Newman solo show. Or is it better that i got to hear all those great songs in a live context, even if it wasn't really the band playing them? As i said before, the best song of the night was "Testament to Youth in Verse" and that was one of the songs not sung by its intended vocalist.

Back in the mid-1960s, Brian Wilson stopped touring as a member of the Beach Boys and instead worked on writing/arranging/recording their music and then letting the other guys sing their parts whenever the tours would end. Did my dad feel the same way when he saw the Beach Boys in the early 70s? Did Dad feel that it was blasphemous to hear someone else sing the falsetto part on "I Get Around?" I called and asked, and here is what he said: "I always felt cheated when Bruce Johnston sang Brian Wilson's parts. Every time. But i knew what i was getting - by that point Brian Wilson had stopped touring with them for a few years and it was well known." However, when i asked him if he had wished they didn't play songs sung by Brian Wilson, he said "No - I'd rather hear someone else sing it with the band than not hear it at all."

So, Dad and i were on the same page. But we take our music pretty seriously (and our film, baseball, cooking and politics), so was this just a nerd thing, or did people who weren't so obsessive with their arts similar in their feelings?

I decided to call someone who enjoys music that i don't - teen-pop. I called one of my resident Rant fans and also a fan of choreographed dance moves along with songs sung by borderline straight men with headset mics, Eileen Nagle. I presented her with a similar scenario - she goes to see NSync, and JC Chasez (the member she said sings the most non-Timberlake songs) was not there. Now, with a group as popular/money making as NSync, this probably wouldn't happen (and despite the claims some who read this might make, they ain't a supergroup), plus with the internet being what it is, i'm sure Eileen would have heard about it by the time she approached the show. I, on the other hand, did not hear because it was such a short tour, and because i was away for most of the week before the show, so i didn't really poke around their message board to see who was actually playing with the band. Also, the missing of one of their members on tour is not big enough news to make Rolling Stone.

But anyway, Eileen was surprisingly the most ardent on the points that a) you should get who you paid to see and that b) unless the songs are changed to be dramatically different without the missing member, they should not be played. When asked if she'd want another member to sing them, she said "Well, I'd rather Justin [Timberlake] sing it over some nobody, yeah, but only if they changed it around." So just playing the song with the replacement singer singing it would piss you off? "Oh, yeah."

For once, i am actually the most leniant on something! Like i said before, i would have much prefered to hear Case or Bejar sing their songs, but given the circumstances, i think i would have felt more jipped by the whole experience if i hadn't heard any of those songs. I suppose my whole problem with it is the billing: Are they still The New Pornographers without two of their key members? Bejar is sort of expected to not be there, as he usually doesn't tour with them, but Case's voice is all over these records, on just about every song they ever recorded. And if you go to the NP's website, unless you dig into the message board, you would have no idea that Ms. Case would not be present. In the photo gallery there are "new 2005 pictures (one of which is posted up top)" of the band that feature Neko Case, and nowhere to be found is this new lassy, Ms. Calder. Which leads me to believe that she is a touring replacement, and therefore, somewhere on the main website it should say so, correct?

However unhappy i was, i'm going to see them again (I hope) at Webster Hall in December - Destroyer is opening so i assume Bejar is going to be there, and if Case is there, well, i might have to bring a clean pair of shorts.

When i was 15...

2005-06-08T14:06:00.000-04:00

When i was talking to Eileen last week, i mentioned how there were some things i wish i could tell my 15 year old self now to save him some grief/enlighten him about his future. Here are some of them:

-Hey Brian, what's up. Shave your head. People will respect you more. Then grow it long again just to piss them off. When you're 23, you'll have a job and the long hair just won't be so appropriate any more. Shave it to gain their respect, then fuck w/ 'em by growing it even longer. Oh yeah, and freshmen year of college, go mohawk. Don't pussy out like i did. DO IT.

-Believe it or not, one day you will have "El Shaddai" on your iPod. Oh, don't worry about trying to figure out what an iPod is.

-Avoid trying to date girls not named "Erin" - it'll just save time.

-Be cooler when meeting musicians you respect. Don't be obsessed with being their best friend, and take better photos with them. Wipe that wine lip off when you meet Frank Black the 2nd time, don't get drunk before taking a picture with Sufjan Stevens and whatever you do, don't allow the ridiculous number of chins in the photo with David Lovering. I still have never shown that to anyone i look so fat.

-Enjoy every fucking minute of college - i'm serious - if you don't, i'll go back and tell 14 year old Brian to punch himself in the balls exactly one year from that day

-Go on Habitat for Humanity w/ your junior class. I didn't feel like arguing with my then movie theater manager and skipped it, and i'm still kicking myself for not hearing Chin say "Shake the Milk Genius!" in person.

-Even though it may seem stupid now, believe me when i say that you should invent this sort of yo-yo thing that has a big, elasitc-y ball filled with water w/ sparkles in it, and attatch it to a long, elastic-y string with a loop around it. Call it a yo-yo ball. Copyright the idea and make millions.

-Pay more attention to Saved By the Bell - one day it won't be on all the time. Wait, thats a lie. But seriously, respect the post-dinner Growing Pains episodes. Those don't last.

-Get used to hanging out in Vinny's room.

-Go easy on Mark a little bit. One day he'll be taller than you. Actually, fuck that - hobble him so he can never be taller than you. MUCH better game plan.

-Take lots of video of Brandy while he is young and wild. One day he'll shit everywhere and have a hard time climbing stairs. Try and remember him the way he is.

-I just realized that last one sounded emo, and for that i apologize. But dogs choke a brother up

-I just realized you don't know what emo means - never learn.

-Get in better shape. That way, 23 year old you doesn't have to deal with the gut. Or, at least not as big of a gut.

-Don't even go see the Star Wars Prequels - in fact, if you can, stop them from happening. We'll call that "Operation Save Your Childhood." See the manilla folder under your bed.

-Try and care about cars. Really

The Five Stages of an Indie Music Snob Accepting Pop-Culture Acceptance of His Music, OR, Why The O.C. is a Double Edged Sword

2005-06-07T10:12:00.000-04:00

So this past weekend i was at a BBQ at Cranford, NJ's own John and Jessica Buonocore. A good time was had by all, but early in the party something struck me. As i was downing my first beer of the afternoon, i heard some music coming from inside. The chords sounded familiar, and by the end of the song i fully recognized it: "Popular Mechanics for Lovers" by Beulah.

Stage 1: Elation:

This is a great song! The tune is very catchy, the lyrics are top notch, and some good falsetto vocals get me every single time. How awesome is it that in a totally unexpected place i get to hear this great song.

Stage 2 : Confusion:

Now, while the Buonocores are very nice people who have good taste in friends (obviously), champagne, relish-burgers and houses, i had never known them to be big fans of recently disbanded, John Vanderslice befriending San Francisco-based indie rock. So i asked John, "Are you playing a Beulah CD?" To which he replied "No, its an OC Mix CD."

Stage 3 : Rage

FUCK THE OC! FUCK THEM FOR STEALING MY MUSIC! HOW DARE A FOX SHOW TAKE GREAT ARTISTS LIKE BEULAH AND EXPLOIT THEM!

Even worse is their inclusion on their latest "Mix" of a Sufjan Stevens song. Sufjan was totally my 'i know 100x more about music than you' card for the last 18 months or so. Not only do i own all of his records (btw, you can preorder the new one and get it almost a month before the street date - go to Sufjan.com and poke around the Asthmatic Kitty section), but i've seen the guy thrice, taken a photo with him, and i own a vinyl copy of one of his albums. This was my guy i turned everyone on to (when Ed Kelly, Eileen Nagle, Erin Averill, Dan D'Ippolito, and I all agree on an artist, you know he's great), threw on every mix i made, and generally talked up to everyone i met. Not only that, but the song they used on the O.C. is about Jesus. And it was used in a love scene. Talk about killing the mood...

Stage 4: Rationalization

Well, even though i don't like the idea of teeny boppers digging on my music, its great that someone like John could hear a Beulah or a Sufjan song and then go out and explore more. Who knows? Maybe he bought the OC Mix through Amazon, and since Beulah records at Tiny Telephone studios, it'll suggest to him that he should get a Spoon album, and through Spoon he finds other Merge artists like Destroyer, which leads him to go buy an old Bowie album, and now John is practically Lester Fucking Bangs.

Or maybe some teeny bop emo fuck who is all into Taking Back Sunday will hear Death Cab for Cutie and discover something is out there that doesn't involve whiny screams over distorted power chords. And that will lead him to the Postal Service, and obviously, to enlightenment.

Stage 5 : Acceptance

Even though i like to think that bands i like exist in the Brian/Internet/College Radio bubble, occasionally these bands break out. The reason i flip out when people start catching on to these bands is because there is something special about being 100 people in a room hearing someone playing a banjo. And its like finding a long lost brother when you see a car on the highway with a WFMU bumper sticker, or see a guy sporting a Sounds Familyre button on his messenger bag. These are little things that say "hey - you're in on the secret club too! Nanu nanu!"

Not only that, but bands when they get a certain taste of success, many times start compromising their music and losing what made them special in the first place until they become parodies of themselves (see all 2000s Weezer albums, the new Spoon album, even to a certain extent the last two Pixies albums, even though those are better than your mom). It is nice to a see a slow, steady progression of an artist, someone like Pavement, who's fans kept growing and growing steadily, and each album sold more than the one before it. But with Pavement, it was never "let's make a pop record and forgo the silly lyrics." They adapted and changed, but only to pursue their own muse (detractors of Terror Twilight will surely argue with me over this, but that album is incredible. Better songs does not equal selling out!). Also, Pavement disbanded quietly and set course on solo careers before becoming bad. Note to all bands out there: break up before you suck. Then you'll enter the realm of immortals like the Beatles, Pixies, Pavement, Nirvana, and The Clash (let's just ignore Cut the Crap, shall we?)

Luckily, the artist that spawned all this, Beulah, has already called it quits, so the O.C. won't be ruining their discography anytime soon. But if this new Sufjan album has O.C. written all over it, i'll be pissed. I don't see how it can though, with some song titles being 3 sentences long, the fact that there are lots of reed instruments, oddball percussion and banjo on the album, and the fact that it is 2/50ths of his ambitious "The Fifty States" project - can you really sell out when you are making an opus about Illinois?

Meet Middle America

2005-05-31T17:57:00.000-04:00

VS

So this weekend, not by my own choice, i watched Meet the Fockers.
Now, i publically and openly HATED Meet the Parents, and had no desire to see this film, despite the presence of some fine actors (Dustin Hoffmann, Robert De Niro). However, i was in good company with friends and decided, what the fuck, i'll sit through it. And i am glad i did.

Oh, don't get me wrong, i didn't enjoy it. Not in the slightest. But, the film did give me an insight into something that i don't often get...the Middle America side of the coin.

Now, in this hopelssly predictable film, Ben Stiller and his ugly-bangs wearing finace bring her parnets (De Niro and Blythe Danner) to meet his parents (Hoffman and Barbra Streisand). Now, in the O.G. Meet the Parents, Stiller's normal guy was rendered intimidated by De Niro's ex-C.I.A., human lie-detecting, teaching a cat to use the toilet-self. The joke was that "here is this normal guy, in a proto-military household, awkwardness and, therefore, hillarity ensues." Ok, as cheap as the laughs were, i can buy that theory.

But in Fockers, this theory is turned on its head: the ultra-Conservative De Niro meets the ultra-Liberal couple of Hoffman (who was a Mr. Mom) and Streisand (a sex therapist). As you can see, this will present more awkward, cringeworthy material. However, herein lies the part that interests me.

Throughout the film, we see Hoffman and Streisband being quirky, but generally nice and always well-wishing. We also see De Niro as distrusting, frightened of intimacy, a spy, a smothering grandfather, a cold husband, and a cynical and horrible father.

HOWEVER, at the end of this film, there is a sequence set up to show the two fathers (De Niro and Hoffman) BOTH apologizing. Hoffman apologizes for being 'smothering,' when all he has done is loved his child for who he is and expects nothing of him. If this is a crime worth apologizing for, then i suspect most parents should be going to confession tonight (well, the Catholic ones...the rest just go straight to hell).

What this shows me is that to Middle America, being a liberal, perhaps OVER-caring person is on par with someone who lies, cheats, spies, and generally conspires against everyone within sight. Is this how Red States see me? Because i voted for John Kerry, am i comparable with a moster?

If this is the case, if there are a good number of people who really think this way in America, then the last presidential election makes a lot more sense to me.

Why I Love Matt Popovich

2005-04-14T23:49:00.000-04:00

mattpopovich: Have you heard about the new Pope comic book in Columbia?
GringoStarrRock: no
mattpopovich: He fights demons with an anti-devil cape and has special "chastity pants"
GringoStarrRock: that is awesome!
mattpopovich: I must have got a bunch of chastity pants by mistake because I can't seem to get my dick into anything
mattpopovich: that's what I get for letting my mom buy all my pants

Leading Candidate for a Full Chest Tatoo

2005-04-14T09:39:00.000-04:00

Some days you just can't get rid of a garbage can

2005-04-12T09:57:00.000-04:00

How would one go about throwing away a garbage can? My current kitchen garbage can has once too many times been sullied by cheap garbage bags breaking, and no Lysol can eliminate its disgusting odor, so i want to get a new one, and throw this one out.

As far as i see it, my only option is to take it to a dumpster and throw it there. Otherwise, if i have a garbage can left out for the garbage men, they will assume that there is trash therein and open the lid and dump the non existant remains into their truck, eschewing my kitchen can to the curb with my proper, outdoor cans.

I thought about leaving a note "Take Me Mr. DPW!" (i think they would respond better to that than "Take Me Mr. Garbage Man/Mr. Waste Management/Low Level Mafioso!"), but if i were a garbage man, that note would appear suspicious. Perhaps i have a vengeful neighbor who would delight in nothing more than me losing the approx. $9.98 a new garbage can would cost me, and therefore has planted a note on my garbage can. Plus, let's be realistic here - are the garbage men really going to take the time to read every note they come across? I think not - they have a schedule to adhere to, and note reading just isn't part of that schedule. I would assume that a very long and thorough shower would be though. I gag just thinking of the smell of a garbage truck directly before "doing the nasty" (that is cleaning it out with push brooms, for those not familiar with the cinematic classic Men at Work staring brothers Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estavez as garbage men who fall into hillariously cooky situations involving a corpse wearing a Richard Nixon mask, a french fry loving/cop hating Keith David {whom many of you know from his role in There's Something About Mary - "Is it the frank or the beans?"}, and 80s stalwart character actor Dean Cameron, who is most famous for his role as Francis 'Chainsaw' Gremp in Summer School, who here plays a pizza man caught in the middle! In case you haven't seen it, now i know you understand its mastery of the art of the motion picture. Add it to your Netflix queue NOW!).

The other option i thought of was putting the can inside of a LARGER garbage bag, and leaving it out on the curb. But then i have to either a) buy a whole box of uselessly huge bags or b) steal one from work. And i'm no thief, so i guess it's either buy a huge garbage bag, or walk around back and throw it in the Pool Store/Christmas Gift Store (i shit you not) and use their dumpster. To quote Adam West, "Bon voyage, pussy." Oh, i mean, "Some days you just can't get rid of a [garbage can]."

Atom and His Package

2005-04-09T11:52:00.000-04:00

This is Adam Goren, aka Atom.

His package is a sequencing synthesizer.

Together they made music until 2003, when Adam retired Atom for good. Atom and His Package are a band (if you can really call it that) that truly divides people - you love 'em or you hate 'em (I remember freshmen year of college Sean Williamson openly hating A&HP). Adam's voice is shrill and not very good, the Package's sounds are cheesy and computerized but if you begin to look deeper you find something really interesting.

First of all, a lot of Atom's songs are very funny. "Happy Birthday Ralph," "Pumping Iron for Enya," and "Mustache TV" are all hillarious in their own ways ("Ralph" is about his once fat friend, "Enya" is a love song for the New-Age artist, and "TV" is about how if you take a piece of scotch tape, draw a moustache on it and place it in the middle of your television set, hillarity ensues). However, many of the "funny" songs really have serious social commentary found within. For instance, "Hats Off to Halford" is a song about Judas Priest singer Rob Halford coming out of the closet, and how this will be a good thing on the macho, homophobic world of heavy metal. Or Atom's take on stupid punk rock ethics "Anarchy Means I Litter," which talks about how at punk shows you see people wearing anarchy t-shirts and who think that gives them the right to piss on the floors, not use a garbage can, etc. He also has a song about racism "If You Own the Washington Redskins You're a Cock," a song about the conservative media's claim of a Jewish agenda called "What we do on Christmas," a song about the trials of moving "Possession (Not the one by Danzing)," and a pro-Metric system song (of which i totally relate) "(Lord It's Hard to be Happy When You're Not) Using the Metric System."

I'm glad there are people like Goren out there making music, because i'm sure that a large chunk of his audience doesn't know they're singing about the mistreatment of non-atheletes in "Punk Rock Academy" or that so many of the lyrics are socially relevant, but after awhile the point has to get to them, and hopefully, some of them will change for the better.

He's not for everyone, but Atom (and Package) are already missed.

Cheney Piñata

2005-04-03T23:17:00.000-04:00

Haircism

2005-03-30T14:27:00.000-05:00

Before:

After:

As you can see from these lovely before and after photos, i have cut my trademark shaggy hair (actually, it happened way back in October, and then again in December, and is scheduled for next week to happen again). To me it was a simple thing - i wanted a change, so i acted on it. My character has not changed, i am not a "new man" or any of that bullshit - i used to have longer hair, and now it is short. Case closed.

Well, not exactly.

Apparently, everyone in the world, 'cept me and my smart friends/family, thinks my haircut has had an impact on the world the likes of which have not been seen aside from some very famous structures coming down (the WTC, the Berlin Wall, etc). People all the time say things like "I cannot BELIEVE that you cut your hair - that is insane!" Why is it insane? Why is it inconceivable that i could want to change how my hair looks?

However, worse yet are the people who make totally ignorant, shitty comments like "Oh Brian, i just respect you so much more with your hair short. It's like i can relate to you so much more now!" Fuck you shallow ho - where do you get off telling me that appearance has a damn thing to do with how people relate? Do you like me better than an even uglier person? Do you repsect me more because i can walk on my own two feet and i'm not in a wheelchair?

Just this past Friday someone came up to me and said "Excuse me, are you the same youth minister who started last summer?" I said "Yes." So she says, "Oh my. I didn't even recognize you. The last time i saw you i couldn't even pay attention to what you were saying because how you looked. This is much better!" And this came from someone IN CHURCH. What happened to the whole no judgement thing that guy Jesus was all about? And i'm sorry to break it to you folks, but i didn't have a 70s Afro or a 80s CeCe DeVille coif, i had shaggy hair. Its not like i pulled off some wig to reveal my bald head. I just cut my hair! I really cannot see how people can get away with such blatant discrimination based on someone's haircut. If so, that dude from A Flock of Seagulls must have never been able to do any sort of banking, food shopping or eating out, because his hair clearly looked stupider than mine did, and mine apparently made people tune me out and become incapable of relating with me.

The lesson i learned from all of this: Shave your head and see how people treat you. Then you'll be able to see who in your life is a total moron. And its cheaper than giving them all an IQ Test.

Random Thoughts

2005-03-29T00:03:00.000-05:00

Random Thoughts:

Andre 3000 is awesome. Tonight i listend to The Love Below for the first time in probably close to a year and its fucking impressive. Its a 'concept album' that doesn't feel forced and there is really some great playing on it. The bassline on "Prototype" for instance - it smokes. Plus, who doesn't love a cameo from Farnsworth Bentley?

Easter candy might slightly surpass Halloween candy as the best seasonal candy. I guess there are just more specific Easter candies: Cadbury Eggs (the best candy on earth), Peeps (although they have begun to infiltrate the rest of the year), plus all sorts of assortments of the usual beloved candies in egg form.

Pavement's "Carrot Rope" has not been out of my head for like 3 days. But its a great song. I think that and "Stereo" might be their two best songs. And i still maintain that Malkmus solo is better than Pavement 9 times out of 10. But those two songs blow away any solo Malkmus song. Oh, and i'm going to see him in June @ Irving Plaza. Yeah for me. Viva la Jicks

I am starting to get really antsy for spring (and not for the same reason as i liked spring in college Erin). Fuck this cold weather. I'm sick of it.

I'm determined to learn more banjo chords. I keep saying that, but lately i've REALLY wanted to learn more. So yeah - everyone get on me about learning more banjo.

If you're on myspace, add my record label as a friend. Trying to spread the word. http://www.myspace.com/thefranklinrecordingco

Let's go Mets!

My whitetrash neighbors are really taking it to new levels lately. When the weather is a little warmer than freezing, the one guy busts out his HOT leather jacket w/ the sleeves cut off with a wonderful embroidered American flag and the word AMERICA on the back. Now that is class. As are the 50+ items my mom counted on their back lawn once.

Anyone else see the daytime TV commercial featuring the dog telling you about insurance.com? It might be the stupidest commercial on principle of all time.

More later this week...

BriFlix

2005-03-03T21:12:00.001-05:00

Hey everyone.

Sorry for the relatively quiet week. I've been busy, dammit! Anyway, lately i've seen a lot of movies, and i've notcied that a lot of these films are quite similar to older films that perhaps many people aren't aware of. So, here goes the first edition of BriFlix!

If you liked...
Napoleon Dynamite

Then try...
Ghost World

As most of you probably know, Napoleon Dynamite follows a boy named, well, Napoleon Dynamite through those award high school times. This film depicts a person so bizarre that it is almost impossible to relate. This is not a criticism of the film, just a fact (i enjoyed the film a lot).

Ghost World also follows a socially inept person, this time named Enid, through the summer after graduating high school. This is a much more, i suppose, realistic story and the characters are all much easier to relate to. Plus, you have the sweet eye candy of a pre-skank Scarlett Johanson, the underrated Thora Birch, and my personal favorite actor, Steve Buscemi. Plus both films feature nunchucks. How awesome is that?

If you liked...
Shaun of the Dead

Then try...
Evil Dead 2

Pretty much one of the first attempts to bridge comedy and horror, Evil Dead 2 is just plain awesome. As is Shaun of the Dead. What Barry (Jack Black) says in High Fidelity can easily be applied to both films: "Its so funny and violent, and the soundtrack kicks fucking ass." If you enjoyed Shaun's mixture of humor and blood, see where it all started. And if you want a straight up low budget horror movie, rent the original, The Evil Dead.

If you liked...
Million Dollar Baby

Then try...
Raging Bull

First off, if you liked Million Dollar Baby, then you either a) bought the hype, or b) are an asshole. The only accurate review of the film can be found HERE.

But seriously, if you thought that Million Dollar Baby was a good boxing movie, watch one that really hits all the important points - the violence of the sport (which MDB never really shows you), realistic fight sequences, and actual good acting (minus Hillary Swank, who was excellent. But c'mon, Morgan Freeman is the same in every film, and Clint Eastwood is a prune with lips). Plus, DeNiro gained 60 lbs for the scenes when he is the older Jake LaMotta. Now that is method acting, biotches.

Stay tuned for more BriFlix.

From the desk of Ed Kelly...

2005-02-24T16:31:00.000-05:00

ZapRowsdower8: have you ever wanted to sleep with a blonde hair blue eyed woman just so you can find out what recessive genes you have?
GringoStarrRock: no but that is brilliant
ZapRowsdower8: i was thinking about that today during school
GringoStarrRock: it is interesting
ZapRowsdower8: i would have to have at least 4 kids with her though
GringoStarrRock: yeah, just to make the punnet square
ZapRowsdower8: so maybe rape would be a better choice
GringoStarrRock: why?
ZapRowsdower8: i'll wear a ski mask, and check up with the victim 9 months later
ZapRowsdower8: I dont want to take care of 4 kids
GringoStarrRock: and then do it 4 times?
ZapRowsdower8: you know it
GringoStarrRock: chances are she'll either - a) abort a few of them or b) kill herself for being raped so many times
ZapRowsdower8: thats a risk I am willing to tkae

Fantasy Baseball

2005-02-24T10:02:00.000-05:00

I am a huge baseball fan, for those who don't know. For the last 5 years i have done a Yahoo! free league, and this year will be no different (i'm actually doing 2) along with a bigboy pay league (through Baseball Manager).

Anyway, my one Yahoo! league, the Ben Franklin league, still has spots open. So rant friends, if you're interested, shoot me an email and we will get you signed up.

R.I.P. The Jayhawks/Local Racism

2005-02-22T17:44:00.000-05:00

So apparently the Jayhawks have broken up. This makes me sad. Rainy Day Music, their swan song, is a fantastic record, and i had just started to dig through their back-catalog to discover some more. This upsets me.

What doesn't upset me is that Blink-182 has gone on "indefinite hiatus," which pretty much means that they broke up, but their label doesn't want to admit it. This is a very good thing. Not that i dislike the members as individuals (in fact, i quite liked Travis Barker's work with the Aquabats, and to some degree, with the Transplants, and i have found Mark Hoppas to be surprisingly well spoken when seen him interviewed for Gigantic, the They Might Be Giants documentary, and hey, that other guy whose name is escaping me campaigned for Kerry - so even though i may not love their music, they seem like good guys), but their music was getting to a point that i really couldn't hear them and like it at all. There was a time when i really dug their stuff, back in my pop/punk days, and their last album just seemed like 3 guys who were bored trying to bring their love for The Cure into a Buzzcocks rip-off band, and that just wasn't going to work.

And apparently one of the guys from Korn is a born again Christian and quit the band.

This has been a volitile day for music.

PS. I'm on facebook now. It's sort of lame but hey, it got me in touch with some old friends, so thats cool.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Actual sentences spoken to me while sitting at the bar tonight @ Timbers when i was eating dinner:

"I hope this black bastard (Barry Bonds) has a huge fucking asterisk next to his records"
"Back in my day there were real ball players, like the polack!"
"I says to him, 'your car only has two things going for it: its not a Kraut car, and its not a Jap car' - and he gives me the sign of the cross!"

Ah, nothing like a little local racism to boil my blood.

It was 19 years ago today...

2005-02-21T09:16:00.000-05:00

Happy 19th Birthday to my brother, Mark. Here is a creepy picture from his myspace:

Here is one of my favorite Mark stories:

Once he hit me in the throat with a whifflebat when i was taking a nap. So i threw him down a flight of stairs. I was maybe 12.

Happy Birthday!

__________ of the Week

2005-02-17T11:08:00.000-05:00

Song of the Week - "The Man Who Loved Beer" - Lambchop
URL of the Week - www.nymets.com - i've got spring (training) fever!
Quote of the Week - Ed Kelly, "ZapRowsdower8 (11:04:48 AM): i wish their was an emoticon powerful enough to display my disgust"
Away Message of the Week - Kenny having something about Joe Fabian in it
TV Event of the Week - Me knowing like 3/4 of the questions on the Jeopardy ULTIMATE tournament of champions yesterday
Meal of the Week - Blue Moon Cafe w/ Erin
Letdown of the Week - No one commenting on that awesome picture ('cept Ed who represents)
Beatles Song of the Week - "Think For Yourself" (2 Harrison songs in a row)

Best Picture Ever

2005-02-14T15:14:00.000-05:00

The Catholic Larry David

2005-02-08T21:55:00.000-05:00

So today i had an experience that i can only qualify as Larry David-esque. For those who are not familiar, this is Larry David:

Mr. David is the star of HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm, and has a penchant for getting himself into totally uncomfortable situations.

So, let me first explain what got me here.

About 5 months ago, i purchased a second cell phone charger so that i could leave a charger at my parents' house in Cresskill and/or at my office and not have to worry about bringing my sole charger everywhere with me. I went to a store in my lovely town of Oakland called "Phones 4 U" which is apparently an authorized Verizon dealer (or so their 3 huge signs would have you believe).

Well, the first charger i bought there stopped working within a month. It was the type where you had to pull the prongs from their home on an adapter and then stick them in the wall (this all sounds vaguely sexual). Anyway, not only did this charger turn the phone off whenever it was unplugged, but it was unplugged often, since the prongs did not stay extended at all. So unless it was plugged into a power strip/surge protector, it could not stay plugged in. You put it in the wall, it falls out, it turns the phone off. Very frustrating.

Anyway, so i go back to the place two weeks ago to buy a new charger. I specifically asked for a kind where the prongs are always "out" and told them how the last kind didn't work. The clerk was very sympathetic and gave me $5 off the price. However, i did not get a receipt and for the second time buying at this "authorized Verizon dealer" i did not have a Verizon product. In fact, neither charger had a brand name i have ever heard before.

So i use this charger for 3 days or so, and then take off for a ski trip at Gore Mountain in NY State. I was staying in Glens Falls, which is about 40 minutes from Gore. Friday night i get up there, plug my phone in and go about my merry way. The phone rings (it was Erin) and as i pick it up, i get a slight electric shock, and it blows out the charger. Now, i'm talking the kind of shock that you get pulling a sweater off your head. This was not a "you could see it in the dark" kind of shock.

So, today i bring the charger and its box into Phones 4 U to get my money back. I've decided that anything they sell me will be shite, so i'll just ask for my money back. To me, this is not ridiculous. If i sold you two CDs, both of which broke after the 3rd listen, i would have to refund your money.

Before i get to the confrontation, this needs to be made clear: The proprieter and all the employees are Indian, and wear the traditional turbans. They always are quite shady/suspicious when i come in. So, i walk in and the dude is glaring at me something fierce. He says "can i help you?" and i explain the sitch. Eventually he says "well you must have done something wrong or plugged it in to the wrong kind of socket."

Now, what i meant to say was "No, i didn't leave the country, and i know how to use an outlet, i do it all the time." Somehow that came out as "I'm an American citizen, i know how to use an outlet." Now, this was caused by a combination of me being borderline retarded, nervousness and the fact that this guy was already trying to imply that i was a biggot by the way he was talking to me. For instance, when i said "You sold me shotty merchandise, TWICE" he said "well i don't make it in the back you know, i don't have my whole family in the back making electronics" or something like that, as if implying thats what i thought.

So, needless to say, this guy FLIPS out. "So you are saying that because i am Indian i do not know how to use a simple socket?" Now his two buddies (one in turban, one sans) come out from the back. So there are three large Indian men staring me down like i called them some sort of slur. I immediately started apologizing, as i really did not mean it that way. What i meant was that as a functioning member of society, i know how to, and use, sockets all the live long day.

Well this sent them on a shitstorm for at least 2 minutes about how i'm racist. Anyone who knows me (i would hope) knows that i am not racist at all. I try and explain to him what i meant, but it was clearly too late for that. So i keep telling him that i did NOT mean it that way, and whatnot, and i think he starts to believe me, but is still giving me shit. So he eventually says "i'm not an American citizen, but i'm not some kid who thinks he knows everything."

Nothing bothers me more than being called a kid in a condescending way by people who are well older than i. Yeah, i might look young, but fuck you - i spent $35 in your store for two products whose entire worth did not last me 30 days when both should have lasted at least 6 months. So i say "I am not 'some kid,' i own my own business, i work a full time job AND i'm a tax paying citizen." Snap, i did it again.

I was saying that i am not a child, and once again i have offended this guy's country of origin totally unknowingly. However, this time he did not either notice, care, or misunderstand what i said. Well, at least he didn't let on that he hated me even more. Eventually, i got my phone back (which he was holding the whole time, as he had to check my charger to make sure i wasn't full of shit) and walked out.

I'm still going to report the store to Verizon and the Better Business Bureau, because shit merchandise is shit merchandise. What i feel terrible about though is how this guy is going to go home to his wife and kids and talk about this cracker who called him a towel head, or imply something that i meant to insult this guy's immigrant status, which couldn't be further from the truth. I really wanted to say "i have Indian friends!" but i felt that it was a) too cliche, and b) i'm not really GOOD friends with any Indian people, and he would somehow know this ("you haven't hung out with Roy Joseph in over a year!").

Anyway, tune in tomorrow as i accidentally offend more people.

The Worst Gumball of All Time

2005-02-06T14:57:00.000-05:00

so today i was going to the bank, and on my way out, i spotted out of the corner of my eye a gumball machine in the local blockbuster video. This should have been my frist clue to stay away, but who am i to listen to reason?

i go inside, place my quarter in the slot as the clerk is staring at me literally slack jawed - his mouth was wide open as if no one has ever bought a gumball from there. after this experience, i now know why.

so, the ball starts its descent - sour apple, yes! of all the flavors in this machine, i was hoping for either a sour apple or a blue one (blueberry? blue raspberry? do i care?). so, i take the ball out of the metal dealy and place it in my mouth.

briefly i thought "man it would suck to swallow one of these." luckily that tragedy didn't befall me, but one surely did.

so i bit into this gumball, and it exploded into roughly a dozen SHARP pieces. enough for me to say "ow!" and spit them into my hand. this gumball was apparently 100% hollow, and therefore cracked like a ceramic golfball in my mouth.

(by the by, i have never bitten a ceramic golfball, i am just assuming)

so, i place all the pieces, one by one back in my mouth and mash them into a workable piece of gum. and for about 10 seconds it was quite flavorful. then it died. it became work to chew this flavorless chunk of goo, so i spit it out.

worst two bits i ever spent.

'05

2005-02-02T21:20:00.000-05:00

Things I am looking forward to in 2005, now that we are a month in:

-Traveling more. Ed and i were talking tonight about taking a long weekend to San Fran/Oakland to take in some baseball/music during the summer, and that is getting me excited to do some more traveling this year. Even if its just getting up to more of New England, or taking the long rumored Fury-Us road trip.

-Less TV commercials featuring George W. Bush. Sure, he's still the prez and that sucks, but at least we get 100% less "I am George W. Bush and i approve this message."

-Writing more music. This year i've actually been good so far with capturing small little ideas on tape and sorting them out later and building them into songs. Usually i would force myself to finish things as soon as i started them, but thats just stupid. This way the ideas grow, breathe and have time to adapt before i force them into a 3 or 5 minute structure. I hope to write more music in '05 than in this entire decade combined (which really isn't that hard considering my most productive year {'04} only had like 7 or 8 keepable songs, and 6 of those were written w/ Jeff for our dormant band.

-Less playing Tetris on my cell phone. Yes, i love it, but i play it too much. Seriously - some days i'll lie in bed for another 15 minutes after waking up playing a game on a telephone. It is time i get a life and at least invest in an old school Gameboy.

-Seeing more interesting films. Netflix is my boo, and because of it i have been able to view so many great movies that i just would not have had the means to see a few years ago. I hope to get more and more into foreign and independent film, as well as catch up on all the American classics i've missed. Plus the new films that tickle my fancy (Batman Begins, Everything is Illuminated, Sin City, etc).

-An end to the constant shitting on of the Star Wars legacy by George Lucas. Hopefully with this new film, he can retire happy and i can enjoy the old trilogy without having to have any more pointless new parts put in.

-Hearing more music. Every month i find new albums, artists, songs, and genres that i enjoy, and that is fantastic. I wish everyone shared my insatiable thirst for new music, but alas, i am mostly alone in my consumption of indie rock/bossa nova/post-bop/tropicalia/pop/psychedelia/classical and just plain rock music. I am specifically looking forward to new albums from Frank Black, Stephen Malkmus, Superwolf, the Breeders, the New Pornographers, Robert Pollard, Sufjan Stevens (hopefully), Spoon, Queens of the Stone Age and hopefully a return to their 90s form for Weezer.

-Learning to bake more desserts. Because really who doesn't love desserts? Ditto for getting a microbrewing kit.

-More time with friends. This is a complicated one. Many of my good friends i don't get to see as much because i have returned full time to the Garden State. However, i still talk to many of them frequently, and 2 or 3 daily. Plus i have spent more time with some of my NJ crew more in the last 7 months than probably the last 4 years, so that is cool. I want to make an effort to have more meaningful hang outs, whatever that means. Not so much just sitting on my couch watching reality tv, but actually doing things. Lately, i've been very into board games, and that always makes for good hangs.

-Distancing myself more from crazies. These crazies in no way are limited to, but include: Bill Donahue and the Catholic League, Ryan Schwoeble, the entire Comm. Dep't of DU (minus Roy Joseph), anyone (minus Ken Beck) who goes to 44 East Madison in Cresskill, people who swear by everything Pitchfork says, people who don't distrust the government, people who actually liked Episodes I and II more than the original Star Wars trilogy, people who like Wings more than the Beatles ('cept A.C. Newman), people who claim to be part of a "scene," people who don't even attempt to be creative, and smelly people.

-Playing more banjo. Pretty self explanatory.

More feedback please!

____ of the Week/Feedback/Randomness

2005-01-31T20:18:00.000-05:00

Song of the Week - "Carrot Rope" - Pavement
URL of the Week - www.thislife.org - the website for the world's greatest radio show, This American Life. Check out EVERY show they've done via RealAudio. I can't recommend this highly enough.
Quote of the Week - "I have to remember I'm not at school" - Armac being a dirtbag
Away Message of the Week - "CHILDREN" - Ken Beck, who has had the same one every day he's worked at a school
Television Event of the Week - This AWESOME lecture i caught about the Big Bang Theory - i'm totally serious
Meal of the Week - The self proclaimed "Schmorgasborg" at the Queensbury Hotel
Letdown of the Week - Me being a predictably shitty skiier
Beatles Song of the Week - "I Need You"

-----------------------------------------------

Feedback from "Dear Landlord"

(no one noticed that i nicked this title from a Dylan song - uncultured swines!)

Anonymous said...
I am NOT a ho!

Jeff

BVS - do you prefer tramp?

Anonymous said...
Oh man this was fuckin' hilarious rant-action. Am I allowed to say fuckin' on this site? I am pretty sure you have dropped the F-bomb, but now that we're on these reply-page, I can't check. I guess we'll see, shant we?As addendum to subject 1, I would like to present that the children of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore are named Scout, Rumer, and Tallulah.Also, I would like to apologize for laughing my ass of at this rant, because these things are doubtlessly quite the hassle on you.

-Sean

BVS - Please Sean, i post these because laughter is the greatest medicine, and i have always had a secret ambition to be a pharmacist.

Anonymous said...
For the millionth time get the damn dog whistle. It may seem cruel at first, but it's a form of conditioning for the pooch

oh and also, i hit the "next blog" button on the top right hand corner and got this:
http://rvcampingsecrets.blogspot.com/hilarious.

-kenny

BVS - the dog whistle is a brilliant idea, but i'm reluctant to do it because i'm going to have to hear the dog barking even more. Yes, 4am, during dinner, and when her family is over will make the barking hillarious, but still noisy. And that blog is fantastic.

Feedback from "It's Educational!"

Anonymous said...
Pixies note - I was at Dee's on the South Side last night when the Pixies came on the jukebox, I squealed like a little girl.Kind of relating to the whole red state thing, are you pissed off reading about how people are mad that "The Passion of the Christ" wasn't nominated for best picture? Of course they believe it is Hollywoods bias towards Christians. I think it might just be The Academy's bias against nominating average films for their highest award. (Of course there are examples going against that as well... Gladiator) What are your thoughts on these peoples complaints?

- Ed

BVS - Ah, Dee's, my second favorite establishment on the Southside. Next time i'm in town, we have to hit up there and Jerome's for some nectar from heaven. And i think that the Passion of the Christ and Farenheight 9/11 both suffered the same fate for essentially the same reasons. 1) the people who were old school, pre-Vatican II Catholics before, or who were already voting against Bush, LOVED the films. However, this is like wondering why the Grateful Dead never crossed over to the easy-listening crowd - because only stupid stoners liked their music - "normals" didn't. Well, Joe Sixpack who is a Protestant middle of the road politico doesn't want to see either one of these films. And if he did, he'd probably be disappointed. These were both "good" films that certain groups had "great" experiences with - i've had great experiences with Death Wish, but you don't see me crying that Bronson wasn't given an Oscar for it.

Dave said...
Hey B, It's funny that you talk about the gayness of SpongeBob. Here's a site that I think you will fancy.More SpongeBob silliness.Make sure you check out the video section of College Humor and look for "the Gayest Ref". It would even make Hitler laugh. (lil' joke there cuz Hitler was a closeted Homosexual)Anyways, good luck skiing. Have fun. Don't fly into a tree. And talk to you soon...you "Blogmaster".
Dave

BVS - Ah, Hitler humor - the great uniter.

Erin said...
Clearly you do not recall the VERY similiar forward sent around in highschool involving the sesame street gang. Things are only funny when they're original (or when it's me saying your jokes)

BVS - I think this is better written than the Sesame Street FWD, plus it has a more colorful cast of characters.

-----------------------------------------------

Randomness

Name the movie: "Stop your job, look at the insenstive man! That's what they're paying you for!"

I really love Netflix with all of my being.

I'm almost as bad of a skiier as i am an ice skater, but not that bad. Nothing i do is that bad.

I neglect my banjo too much - so i'm making a pact that February will be "use the banjo more efficiently" month

It's Educational!

2005-01-27T09:03:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you can hear/know/love a song for years before it really sinks in. I'm sure you all know what i'm talking about here - you could write out the lyrics, and tell someone what it is about, but one day it just hits you differently. Well, last night that happened to me with the song "U-Mass" by the Pixies. As the title implies, this is a song about the University of Massachusets. However, when you really inspect the lyrics, it really is the perfect anthem of every Northeast liberal arts university:

"In the sleepy west
Of the woody east
There's a valley full
Full o' Pioneer
And they're not just kids
To say the least
We've got ideas
To us that's dear
Like capitalist
Like communist
Like lots of things
You've heard about
And redneckers
They get us pissed
And stupid stuff
It makes us shout!
Oh dance with me
Oh don't be shy
Oh kiss me cunt
Oh kiss me cock
Oh kiss the world
Oh kiss the sky
Oh kiss my ass
Oh let it rock
Of the April birds
and the May bees
Oh, baby
IT'S EDUCATIONAL!"

It's amazing how those few words can really sum up the typical white college student's experience in a blue state.

Speaking of blue and red states, everyone and their sibling has something to say about SpongeBob being outed before he was ready. Obviously, this is horseshit. Many smart people have already commented on this, but by far the funniest account of it happens right here: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/1/27wayne.html

I'm going skiing this weekend - i hope i don't pull a Sonny Bono!

Dear Landlord...

2005-01-26T10:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Landlord,

Hi! It's Brian, your tenant in the other half of your duplex. I have a few complaints that i'd like to make known now, as i have just passed the 6 month mark on living here.

1 - Silence your dog.

Now, i am the biggest dog lover in the world, but this thing has got to shut the fuck up at some point. I mean, the dog barks constantly, at nothing. Sometimes when i close the oven, he barks. Other times i'll turn the TV on, and that will set about a 20 minute barking spell if no one is home in your unit. How do i propose you silence your dog? Any way possible. I don't condone killing it, but kicking its ass and ripping out its larynx sound perfectly reasonable to me. I just lowered the blinds on my window and he barked. Plus, his name is Christopher - what kind of name is that for a dog? Dogs should be named the things you'd name your kids if you were a celebrity and could get away with ridiculous things like naming your child Prince.

2 - Lawn Ornaments = White Trash

I don't care how nice you think the little gnomes, ducks and does look on our lawn, they make us officially white trash. Not only that, but you keep them up during the winter, when snow covers them and makes them look even stupider. Now it just looks like some moron tossed random oversized hummels into the snow - which, come to think of it, is pretty much what happened. Here is photo evidence of how stupid this looks :

While walking to my front door to take that picture, the dog started to bark.

3 - False Advertising

Advertising that your apartment for rent has a "working washer and dryer" would imply that the washer and dryer work. Oh lordy, is that not the case. The washing machine jams if anything more than 3 or 4 items are placed inside of it, and on top of that, the dryer took over 2 hours to dry 4 pillow cases that i had put in there last week. This is not my definition of a successful washing/drying situation. And remember how you blamed me for not cleaning the lint trap, only to reveal that the link trap was replaced by piece of a screen door? That was classic.

Also, if the stove/oven is plugged in, there is no way to stop it from BEEPING ever 59 minutes, until you set the timer back at 59 minutes. This isn't even when the oven is on, just if it is plugged in. I have had at least 5 people inspect this (including the work matinence man who used to work in the appliance department at Wal-Mart), and all their conclusions are the same - it is a falty range. Also not noted in the listing!

Oh, and the carpet used to smell like cat piss until i Febreezed the shit out of it.

4 - The Internet

How come you and your wife have no idea about the internet? And i'm not talking about being a whiz at it or anything, but just general knowledge of what it is. Both of you looked dumbfounded when i explained that no, i did not have 2 cable television lines coming in, but one cable tv line and one internet line. "Inter-net?," you pondered. Yes, the invention that has changed the world more in the last 10 years than just about anything else save cell phones (which also confuse you to no end - you don't understand how my cell phone doesn't have an Oakland prefix since i LIVE in Oakland).

5 - Simple Physics

If you have the TV up so loud that i can hear it in the other unit, then is closed captioning really needed? I would think that if you had them both on, you'd be confused as the captioning takes a good 10-15 seconds to catch up to the talking heads, so you're hearing it at 12:01:00 and reading it at 12:01:15. I don't know about you, but that would drive me nuts. So, the scenario must follow as such: either you don't read the captions or you don't hear the volume. So, ELIMINATE ONE OF THEM. I sympathize with the hard of hearing, but this is just pointless. You don't see people who are legally blind sitting an inch from the screen while blasting the volume, do you? NO, because that would solve nothing. This is not a one time occurance either - whenever i have to venture over to that barky, old person smelling hovel, the TV is up full blast and the closed captioning is on.

I hope that you consider these suggestions and work through them so that the next tenant does not have to deal with these little perdicaments.

-Brian

PS. For the 5th time, i have never flushed condoms, tampons or paper towels down the toilet as you insist i do every time. Trust me, i would love to do nothing more than clog up my own toilet and make my sink gurgle like a motherfucker every few hours, but i sadly am not responsible. Perhaps it was the ho who lived here before and left two of her thongs in the barely working washer.

______ of the Week +Some Feedback Answered

2005-01-24T10:17:00.000-05:00

Song of the Week - "There Is No There" - The Books
URL of the Week - http://stephenalsa.blogspot.com
Quote of the Week - "I knew you were going to do this. You are dead to me. Dead like Jen..." - Matt Popovich
Away Message of the Week - from the lovely Ed Kelly - "All I want to do is watch "The Price is Right" but I can't becasue that assmunch Bush is on."
Television Event of the Week - I Love the 90s Part Deux - it slowed my Netflix queue down to a crawl
Meal of the Week - Pizza w/ Erin last night, and then a Chipwich
Let down of the Week - The Mets not getting Carlos Delgado
Beatles Song of the Weel - "Don't Pass Me By"

Ok, here is my favorite part of the old rant, and that is responding to the feedback!

FEEDBACK FROM "I AM A SELLOUT"

renegadeprincess said...

Eternal Sunshine was def a kick-ass movie. Wouldn't it be sweet if we really could delete people from our memories?

B - i don't think so. what i took from the movie was that we forget the really beautiful, nice moments when they are clouded by anger/sadness. if we have patience and wait out the anger/pain, we will still have those beautiful memories that would be erased.

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you put Shaun of the Dead on your list of films or else I was going to have to call you on it. Enjoyed the rant as usual, nothing to bitch and moan about on my end of things.
Yes, the freak in the movie theatre. I wanted to tell him, just to piss him off, that Marvel Comics sucks, even though I was wearing a Captain America logo shirt that day (not as dorky as it sounds folks, it's just his shield on the chest of the shirt, but didn't really feel like getting into a whole fanboy argument cause comic fans can be annoying.
For your Top 10 films of 2005, will you be putting any of my films on that list? Come on baby, SPACE WOLF! You know you loved it.
----Ian

B - Unfortunately, unless you and Rich re-make Space Wolf in '05, it is not eligable, as only new films are up for my lists. But i did enjoy Space Wolf a great deal.

Anonymous said...

I saw the film that Larry King was so excited about (The Phantom of the Opera). All I really remember is that a kid with Tourette's let out 4 blood curderling screams during the most quiet part of the film and that Joel Shumacher doesn't appreciate the difference between screen and stage acting.
The Rant in blog form is much like TV fast food commericals, I'm loving it!!
-Ed

B - Glad you're behind the move Eddie. Other THT members aren't so much (wait and see).

Vinny said...

A.) Everything stated in your reasons why this is a blog now is all the reasons to have a blog. You can call it the rant in blog format but its still a blog and you LOOOOOVVVVEEEE it so dont even play like you don't. Biznatch!
b.) No Napolean Dynamite? I see how it is! I see.
c.) I HEART Blogs!

B - A few people commented on my lack of Nap. Dyno on my top 10 list - well eat my ass! Was it funny? Yes. Was it better than any of the films on the list? No! Would it be #11 on my list? No! Maybe #13 or 14, but no higher. Deal with it folks - it was funny, but its not a classic.

Erin said...

First I beat you in trivial pursuit:book edition now you get a blog-2005 is the best year ever!
I agree with Eternal Sunshine being the best movie of the year. It even makes my top 5 romantic movies ever list.

I don't even think I saw 10 new movies this year, but I'll agree with Vinny that Napoleon Dynomite should be on your list. But do whatever you want to do, gosh!

B - I want a rematch in TP:BE, as i WILL win...like i schooled you at TriBond yesterday.

Queen D The Original Southern Diva said...

Technically that artist is called "Flava Flav" and I am making your blog the blog of the day. I know where you're coming from regarding the HTML stuff, but I have found that blogger is the lesser of the evils when it comes to blogging tools and I've tried a number of them.
You can view your link at http://deannasjourney.blogspot.com

B - Thanks D, and sorry for the typing error - i know his name is Flava Flav, but when he does his trademark shout, he says FLAV-ER FLAV, not FLAV-A Flav, and that is why i was confused. Welcome to the rant!

Ryan McIntyre said...

Brian,
You sold out faster than a supply Tickle-Me-Elmo's at Christmas of 96. I am ashamed...But I am going to try to see all of your movies you've selected because although I am ashamed, I respect your taste. Garden State here I come...
-ryan
PS- No Harold and Kumar? Napoleon Dynomite? Wait til I'm done training to be a cage fighter, I'm gonna kick your ass, right after I beat you in the crave case challenge.

B - Still haven't seen Harold and Kumar because a certain someone decided that his sister was more important than watching that with me...

Eileen said...

I have to agree with Erin, first she kicks your ass book style, then Vinny and Steve kicked your ass pop culture style and now you're blogging it up with the best of us! Although I must say I prefer the Rant in mail form, I think this will work out for me eventually. (The blog form is like Jon Stewart on the Daily Show -- one day I'll realize I was a fool for ever thinking the original is better! Of course THAT'S something you don't forget, but my birthday or my name, you'll forget that in a second. But I digress.)
I can't believe you and I agree on films! I loved Garden State and Spiderman 2 (as you know, I almost jumped out of my seat in excitement for it). I can't wait to see your album list, especially since I'll know like 2 of the musicians on it, but I do love seeing the Rant (blog) back. Please don't forget your stuff of the week every once in a while because I do enjoy that and I enjoy seeing Erin's response to it.

PS: You are such a sell-out.

B - I know I'm a sellout. But at least i don't post redundant comments! SNAP

Anonymous said...

Brian -
My heart broke a little when I saw that you've switched over to the blog format. I was just having a discussion with my buddy nate how in general blogs have caused nothing but pain, pain usually inflicted by women and gay men towards straight men.
This being said since as far as I know you are neither a woman or a gay man I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Now, nothing against women or gay men, I just think that sometimes they forget that the pen (or keyboard) truly is mightier than the sword.
Also I appreciate the rant-theme of your blog. Most ones I've ever read before I gave up reading blogs (I guess until now) have been similar to this: "dum-dee-dum I went to the store today, yippidee-yip, I'm going on vacation, look at me, read what i say, LOVE ME, doop-doop de doop." The biggest shame about typical blogs is that they're written by intelligent people who somehow get obsessed with the fact that they're scholarly and all that and decide to ramble on about boring shit from their masters theses or their girlfriends. Anyway, I'm sure the rant blog will be an iconoclast for the blog world.
Lastly, GREAT movie list. I'm not going to list all of my little gripes with it but I'm very glad you included some of my favorites which have gone unappreciated: COLLATERAL and THE LIFE AQUATIC. I will say that I'm in the minority of people who did not like ETERNAL SUNSHINE. Don't get me wrong, the acting performances are great and the story is intriguing but my issue is that I felt the movie was too affecting. Kaufman, who usually adapts his fascinatingly surreal scripts with an air of objectivity, passed the buck on this one, in my opinion, to creating a tear-jerker. It just didn't float my boat...I had the tears, but it felt cheap, it was a surrealist one-night-stand.
That's it
Jeff

B - Woah there Biggot Jeff! Just kidding, i know your comments were made in jest (And i hope everyone else realizes that as well). I promise to keep the blog about the same things the rant was about - me bitching and moaning and my opinions on trivial pop culture stuff, with some random political commentary. Check out the albums list if you get a chance, i think you'll dig at least a few of them. Watch your back at Kent.

Anonymous said...

I knew you were going to do this. You are dead to me. Dead like Jen...
Matt

B - i knew Popovich would hate me for this. Oh well, he'll come back. He always does.

FEEDBACK FROM "TOP OF THE POPS"

k said...

I enjoyed the list, Brian. It's nice to see someone give Sufjan the credit he deserves for Seven Swans. Yeah, the reviews were good, but I can't recall seeing him crack any critics' top 10 lists. Anyway, the album is unbelievably good, as is Brian Wilson's SMiLE. I was able to see both of them on tour for these albums within a month's time, and they didn't dissapoint.

B - You lucky bastard! I missed the SMiLE show, but i did see Sufjan 3 times in '04, which was a treat. Also saw the Pixies 4 times, Camper Van Beethoven, the Unicorns, Ben Kweller, They Might Be Giants and many others. It was a good year for live music,

FEEDBACK FROM "IT IS JUST SNOW"

Vinny said...

I agree Bri... wtf! I was watching the news before... an hour long program where... 30 min, half the show, was dedicated to the snow. How much was coming...how to shovel...what the pattern looked like... how it tastes.... the scientific makeup of a snowflake... RIDICULOUS!! Calm the hell down Effers! You'd think there would be more important things to report on.... war... how Bush sucks.... tsunami relief efforts. Apparantly not, only the impending blizzard. Whatever.

B - Not only that but this shit happens every year! Its not like this is the first blizzard ever, there have been many big storms over the past few years. I guess i should expect this from the same people who pay to see "Are We There Yet?"

Student Slave said...

LOL. Completely agree! People choose the most inappropriate times to go out to window shop. Thunder storms, powercuts (no, you can't come in and buy stuff, our tills are all jammed shut with the power cut! duh!)
Great blog!

B - Hello and welcome to the rant! I'm glad to see that its not just Americans that are nuts about this stuff.

Anonymous said...

At least is isn't yellow snow. Imagine, a blizzard of urine soaked snow. Now THAT is something to worry about.
Ian

B - Yeah, that would be fucked up and i could see freaking out about that

Anonymous said...

I hear ya man. I went out to get some milk yesterday, and you'd figure that the same amount of people would be out buying milk as a usual Saturday right? But no, everybody was "stocking up". Geez.
Go Steelers!
-Sean

B - The other side of this story is that my 'rents needed to have the boiler fixed that day, and the guy said that some people on the road was driving as if there wasn't 3 inches of snow falling an hour - so we have 2 kinds of assholes - the kinds that overreact and the kind who don't even notice the while shit falling from the sky. PS RIP Steelers this season.

Anonymous said...

yeah b-rock i know what you're saying... i work at a deli/convenience store and yesterday was INSANE!! there was a line from the beginning of the deli to the door and then it doubled back and curved around the aisle. people think that they're going to be trapped in their house for the rest of their lives but if they have 3 lbs of thinly sliced olive loaf they'll make it through... not to mention the car fire that occurred in our parking lot.. yeah some ass left a lit cigarette in his ash tray while he went in to wait on the 45 minute line for some bologna, the cigarette fell out of the ash tray onto his seat and in those 45 minutes set the interior of his car afire... one of my friends/coworkers was outside on her break and saw him as he opened his door and smoke and flames were shooting out... talk about dedication to his deli-needs...
apparently snow=apocolypse i vote we abolish winter and all it represents!
<3 teresa

B - Wow! A carfire! And i thought when the circuit breaker caught on fire here it was exciting. Man, the joys of deli-working. Eat your heart out now-retired Nick D'Ippolito!

Anonymous said...

the stores were insane on saturday, like they completely slept through the blizzard of '96. I was working in Kings on saturday and we made more that day than we did for the entire day of Christmas Eve (the store made 17 grand in an hour).
have a good week :)
~Chrissy

B - Note to self...open up a supermarket...

Be good everyone - 'til next time...

It is JUST SNOW

2005-01-22T13:30:00.000-05:00

Get a GRIP PEOPLE! You get a shovel, you bend (with your knees, not with your back), you scoop and you keep moving. This will not end civilization as we know it - Bush's 2nd term will do that quite nicely. My parents said that A&P was like a madhouse - do you really think that there won't be enough food in your house to last...GASP...ONE DAY? I understand if you feel like making soup, so you're out getting celery and chicken stock, but lay off the military rations and deal with reality - this happens a few times a year, and you've survived so far.

How I'll Spend My Snoweekend:

-watching my Netflix DVDs (Water Drops on Burning Rocks {German indie}, The Office {Brittish TV series}, and Wild at Heart {David Lynch film})

-do laundry

-read

-other normal, non-panicky things.

Random Thought: Anyone else notice that the Shuffle on iTunes is much better than the Shuffle on the iPod?

Currently Listening to: "Nothing Better" - the Postal Service

Top of the Pops

2005-01-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

Here at long last are the top 30 albums of 2004 as picked by your gracious host. I must note that the two albums that my label worked with this year (Joe Zelek's Thousand Ways and the self-titled Burn the Worm) are not in contention, as that would be playing favorites. I also did not get a chance to hear all the albums i wanted to this year, so releases by such favorites as Jonathan Richman, Neko Case, Tom Waits and Jonny Polonsky were not able to be factored in to the running.

30. The Arcade Fire – Funeral

Truly uncategorizable and truly hard to grasp even after 10+ listens, Funeral is one of those records that just has a certain SOMETHING about it; but no matter how hard we try, we cannot name what it is. It is unmistakably well crafted and overflows with ideas. Overkill? Perhaps. Unique? Certainly.

www.thearcadefire.com

29. The Black Keys – Rubber Factory

It has been said that the White Stripes are the modern equivalent to an old blues band. That my friends is a crock of shit. The JSBX (Jon Spencer Blues Explosion to the uninformed) and the Black Keys are the REAL source for modern day blues, and Rubber Factory might be the best blues record of since Hendrix died and Clapton sold out. Oh, and the drumming makes Meg White look more like a child than her face does.

www.theblackkeys.com

28. A.C. Newman – The Slow Wonder

Not exactly a substitute for a New Pornographers record, NP frontman Carl (A.C.) Newman brings his second record in 2 years that wins the best hands down “pop” record of the year. Catchy melodies, lots of enthusiasm and a picture of a tiger on the cover – what more could you want in a solo record? Oh, and because he is a Canadian singer, the Canuck government dolled out money as part of their arts program which funded the entire recording of this album. Why haven’t I moved yet?

www.matadorrecords.com

27. Various Artists – The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

Australian documentary scores, classic rock cuts, Portuguese-language Bowie covers and a selection of tunes written by former Devo-man Mark Mothersbaugh, this soundtrack looks like it should be overkill, but it is anything but. Actor/singer Seu Jorge makes the 5 Bowie tunes come alive (although I did enjoy his “Ziggy Stardust” that was used in the movie but isn’t on the soundtrack) in a whole new way. And as usual, Wes Anderson and co. have the perfect catalogue choices that give the songs entirely new meaning.

http://lifeaquatic.movies.go.com/main.html

26. Royal City – Little Heart’s Ease

One of the many great releases from Jim Guthree’s Three Gut Records (get it? Gut-three? Three-gut?), Little Heart’s Ease is a bit more of a straightforward record than its predecessor (Alone at the Microphone), but still has the complicated themes of faith, death, and sex wrapped up in some sad sounding acoustic guitars and some nice vocals. This record doesn’t sound all that different than any other record in the alt-country genre, except in the quality of its songs.

www.threegutrecords.com

25. Iron and Wine – Our Endless Numbered Days

Anyone who has heard the first Iron and Wine album (The Creek Drank the Cradle) will think this album sounds as polished as a Kiss record. Despite the sonic clean up, the songs remain the same – southern gothic tales hushed over fingerpicked guitars. Aural Flannery O’Connor.

www.ironandwine.com

24. PJ Harvey – Uh Huh Her

This record makes you feel dirty. It sounds like a dank, humid hotel room in a seedy section of Los Angeles. And that is a good thing. Raw and guttural, Uh Huh Her is a return to form for Polly Jean Harvey which sees her playing all the instruments but the drums and returning to her sleazy roots while still sounding downright sexy. Plus, anyone who can thank Mr. and Mrs. Captain Beefheart in the credits is good enough for me.

www.pjharvey.com

23. Ben Kweller – On My Way

Ben Kweller is the musician I know who is most in need of a lyricist. His tunes are catchy, memorable and enjoyable, but his lyrics are usually pretty damn goofy. “I want to kill this man but he turned around and ran/I’ll kill him with karate that I learned in Japan.” Even though his lyrics are sometimes laughable, Kweller is still a musician to be taken seriously. Not only does he have great taste in other music (I’ve seen him at Unicorns, Pixies and one of Felipe’s folk-band shows), but he has an infectious voice and style that makes his music leap off the speakers and into your head. On My Way is no where near as fun or great as Sha Sha, but the added meat from the live-style recording and Ethan Johns’ production makes it worth a spot in your collection.

www.benkweller.com

22. Devendra Banhart – Rejoicing in the Hands

The leader of the current “freak folk” movement, Banhart writes simple, haunting songs that echo a sadness, complexity and a maturity that sets them far above the rest. And this was only one of his two solo albums and one compilation that he released this year. Plus, the guy is friends with R. Kelly. Seriously. Certainly someone to watch out for in the future.

www.younggodrecords.com

21. Mosquitos – Sunshine Barato

One of the greatest musical accidents of my life was walking into Tonic in NYC and seeing Mosquitos perform (holla back Ed Kelly). It led to me discovering all sorts of Brazilian music, including Os Mutantes, now one of my favorite bands. Their second album is much stronger than their self-titled debut from last year, and their sound growing both more American rock and roll and more Brazilian bossanova. And JuJu their singer is so cute it hurts.

www.mosquitosnyc.com

20. Beastie Boys – To The 5 Boroughs

A little less than three years since 9/11/01, the Beastie Boys, New York’s ubiquitous white boy rappers, finally emerged with their reaction to the terrorist attacks. To The 5 Boroughs is the most straight ahead hip hop album they have done since License to Ill, and for that reason it is also probably my least favorite Beasties album. The way they could mix funk, rock, jazz and rap was what initially drew me into their music, and this time around it is distilled to its purest hip-hop incarnation. All that being said, it is still a great record – even if at times it is a bit too high on the 9/11 subject matter.

www.beastieboys.com

19. The Beta Band – Heroes to Zeros

The unexpected swan song to an interesting career, Heroes to Zeros features some of the most straight ahead “rock” songs the band ever recorded, as well as throwbacks to their earlier records and a real funky Stevie Wonder circa Innervisions era track.

www.betaband.com

18. Sonic Youth – Sonic Nurse

How much longer can a band call themselves Sonic Youth when no one in the band is under 40? Name aside, Shelley-Moore-Gordon-O’Rourke-Ranaldo are still in prime shape, and Sonic Nurse continues with the incorporation of classic rock sounds introduced on Murray Street. Even though there are parents in the band, Sonic Youth is still music that is on the edge and is pushing the boundaries without being weird for weird’s sake.

www.sonicyouth.com

17. TV on the Radio – Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes

Doo-wop + post-rock + prog + noise + bass = TV on the Radio. Catchy at times, dissonant at others, TVOTR have the unique distinction of having almost no sonic reference points. Only seven or eight word descriptions seem to do them justice, and even those leave something lacking. The best way I can describe their full length debut is “varied and not for the lazy listener.” In other words, let it sink it and don’t expect to hear the same sound twice.

www.tvontheradio.com

16. Various Artists - Team America World Police: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

You know a musical parody works when you can’t get it out of your skull. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have done it again and produced the most memorable musical film of the year (take THAT De-Lovely!). This album’s non-scored instrumental pieces are all winners, and will all make you piss yourself laughing. Nothing makes me laugh harder than Trey Parker’s determined, aging rocker voice that he uses on “America: Fuck Yeah!” If you think this is too high on my list for the soundtrack to a puppet movie, then you have not hear it.

www.teamamerica.com

15. Mike Watt and the Secondmen – The Secondman’s Middle Stand

Mike Watt has been in some of the greatest trios in the punk/college/alternative rock era: The Minutemen and fIREHOSE. Add the Secondmen to that list. The Secondman’s Middle Stand is a rock opera (Watt’s second) loosely based on both Dante’s The Inferno and the illness that nearly killed Watt a few years ago. This album is totally unique: organ/bass/drums playing rock music with heavy influence from both The Stooges and John Coltrane.

www.hootpage.com

14. DJ Danger Mouse – The Grey Album

Without this record, To The 5 Boroughs would be the best hip hop album released in ’04. But The Grey Album just blows it away. I did not, and do not, own Jay-Z’s The Black Album before hearing this mash up, but I was quite familiar with The Beatles, or “The White Album” as its commonly known. Jay-Z’s words and the Beatles’ music should NOT match up this well; “Long Long Long” as a hip hop sample seems ludicrous; “Helter Skelter” + “99 Problems” seems like it would drain the best parts of both songs. However, the combination is nothing short of breathtaking. And it is even better the 100th time than it is the first.

www.djdangermouse.com

13. They Might Be Giants – The Spine

Consistency is one thing given no credit in music today. Sure, the Ramones made the same album 15 times – but you could set your watch to them. Similarly, They Might Be Giants have been making great albums since the mid-80s, but have nary respect to show for it. Ignorantly dismissed as a novelty band, TMBG uses humor and melody to get across their sometimes downright depressing lyrics. The Spine is a fine addition to their catalogue, treading the same ground as their “comeback” album Mink Car and featuring songs about all the usual TMBG material: plants, misdirected hostility, film, depression and clothing.

www.theymightbegiants.com

12. 50 Foot Wave – 50 Foot Wave

A new trio from Throwing Muses front-woman Kristen Hersh, 50 Foot Wave is a bit heavier and faster than her work with the Muses, but it still retains their tuneful nature. This “mini-album” is a teaser because of its brevity, but its 6 tracks are all killer. Unfortunately, the recent tsunami in south-east Asia may force them to change their name, which is doubly unfortunate because it is actually a reference to the lowest pitch a human can hear (a low F creates a 50 foot sound wave). Watch for their full length debut in March.

www.throwingmusic.com

11. Camper Van Beethoven – New Roman Times

Ah, the reunion record: the scorn of music lovers everywhere. Usually, when a band gets back together after “breaking up,” the record is less than what you would have hoped for. This was especially true pre-late 90s/early 00’s when bands like Sunny Day Real Estate, Mission of Burma, and Wire all came back as strong as ever (although it was true for the horrific reunion album by Jane’s Addiction). Thankfully, Camper Van Beethoven, after a few tours together, have recorded an album that fits right in with the rest of their catalog, albeit with a strong concept of a backdoor draft, pointless war, and the atrocities of the military thrown in for good measure.

www.campervanbeethoven.com

10. Animal Collective – Sung Tongs

No weirder album was released in ’04 than Sung Tongs. Noise, found sound, bizarre harmonies, songs about cats and some really great songs are all part of the Animal Collective. Oh, and one of their two members is named Panda Bear. Almost too bizarre to be taken seriously, but not funny, this record is the perfect soundtrack to doing almost anything – in a surrealistic dream. Not for the unadventurous.

www.paw-tracks.com

9. Knife and Fork – Miserycord

Truly nice guys and musical geniuses usually don’t coexist within one human being, but Eric Drew Feldman is both. A longtime sideman for the likes of Captain Beefheart, Snakefinger (ex-The Residents), the Pixies, PJ Harvey, Frank Black and producer for the Polyphonic Spree, Reid Paley and a dozen others, this is the first time that Feldman has been the main “task master” as he puts it. And boy does it impress. Dense, full soundscapes with haunting female vocals courtesy ex-Ovarian Trolley singer Laurie Hall fill this album with more than the typical sounds. And I’d expect nothing less from EDF.

www.knifeandforkmusic.com

8. Frank Black and Two Pale Boys – Frank Black Francis (Disc 2)

The Frank Black Francis album was simultaneously a look backwards at the beginnings of the Pixies (the first disc was a set of demos for the songs that eventually became the first Pixies release, The Purple Tape) and a look into an alternate future (the second disc was a collection of sonic reworkings of Pixies songs sung by Frank Black {with a little bit of acoustic guitar} and heavily mutated by British duo {and frequent Pere-Ubu front man David Thomas collaborators} The Two Pale Boys). The result of disc 2 was called blasphemy by many Pixies fans, but has a real charm as the space-age reworkings reveal that the tracks in their original incarnation are just as unique and innovative as they are in these alternate spaced out and twisted versions.

www.frankblack.net

7. Joanna Newsom – The Milk Eyed Mender

Quickly name three things that would not make for good music: harp, songs about fairy tales, and a shrill female voice that is indistinguishable in terms of age. Somehow these three things combine for one of the most bizarre and beautiful albums of the year. Newsom’s songs are simple and heart-felt. If I did not know what she looked like I could not tell you if she was 7 or 70 by the sound of her voice. At first it sounds like the worst thing you’ve ever heard, but as you listen it grows on you and it becomes possible that hers is the most beautiful voice in modern memory. Give it a chance or seven and you will not be disappointed.

www.walnutwhales.com

6. The Bad Plus – Give

Jazz music is a love I share with my father, and not many other people that I regularly converse with. However, the Bad Plus get much more of a reaction when I mention them in conversation because people know their covers of “pop” songs like “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” “Heart of Glass” and “Velouria.” Those people who dig the covers and not much else are seriously missing out on some of the best music being created period, regardless of genre. Their second widely available album, Give, is not quite as strong as their debut album These are the Vistas, but still shines more than almost any other album released this year.

www.thebadplus.com

5. Wilco – A Ghost is Born

For a ghost to be born, something must die. For this Ghost to be born, Wilco had to continue to shed its skin and become something almost unrecognizable. Having dropped a band member either during or directly after their last 3 albums, Wilco would appear to be transforming into more of Jeff Tweedy’s backing band than anything else; this illusion is incorrect. On A Ghost Is Born, Wilco sounds more like a band than they have since Being There, and though their songwriting is more direct and focused than on Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, it still feels exciting, new and unpredictable. It will not sell as many copies, or be as universally praised as Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, but I think time will reveal that this is the better record. The closest thing America has to the Beatles right now in terms of consistently great and changing albums.

www.wilcoworld.net

4. David Byrne – Grown Backwards

Former Talking Heads architect David Byrne is back with one of his many solo albums, but this one is quite different than previous releases. Byrne’s solo work, like much of the Heads’ later-era work, has always been very groove and beat oriented, but this album takes a sharp turn away. Grown Backwards features The Tosca Strings, a classical ensemble on many of the tracks, as well as a guest spot from They Might Be Giants principle John Linnell on accordion. And the choice of covers is great: genre-less Nashville ensemble Lambchop’s “The Man Who Loved Beer” and two arias by Verdi and Bizet (the later featuring a duet with Rufus Wainwright).

www.davidbyrne.com

3. The Magnetic Fields – i

A collection of songs whose titles all begin with the same letter, i does not sound as forced or contrived as you would expect an album written in such a structured way to sound. Stephin Merritt’s outstanding songwriting is the key reason for its natural sound. Merritt’s deep baritone is what carries this record, unlike the lush 69 Love Songs, which had 4 singers taking turns on the tunes. i is much more focused than any of the other MFs releases so far, and that is a very good thing. Plus, who doesn’t love the return of the ukelele into the pop music spectrum?

www.houseoftomorrow.com

2. Brian Wilson – SMiLE

This album could have been the biggest letdown of ’04. Brian Wilson has gone through a lot both mentally and physically since writing this record with Van Dyke Parks in 1967. His voice is weaker, he is on more medication than any normal man his age should be, he has been in and out of major psychotherapy (at one time having infamous quack Dr. Eugene Landy accompany him in public at all times) for the last 25 years, and has taken more acid than humanly conceivable. However, nearly 40 years later, Wilson and Parks have reunited and produced a record that nearly blows everything else released this year away. Sonically, structurally and melodically intricate, yet simple and beautiful. Wilson’s “teenage symphony to God” is finally out there for public consumption. Hallelujah.

www.brianwilson.com

1. Sufjan Stevens – Seven Swans

An album that is so consistent it feels almost blasphemous to listen to it out of sequence, Seven Swans is the album I probably listened to most in 2004. Stevens’ music is a mix of banjo, faith, almost whispered vocals and some of the best songwriting ever to come out of Michigan (next to Iggy Pop). So delicate are these songs that it almost sounds like you are eavesdropping on someone playing music for themselves in a room. Smaller in scope than his previous release (Greetings from Michigan: The Great Lakes State, which is the first in a proposed series of 50 records, one for each state), Seven Swans sounds like a few people singing songs around a campfire. And I can’t imagine a better sound this year.

www.sufjan.com

I am a sellout

2005-01-20T16:37:00.000-05:00

So here i am in "blogspace" and i am a sellout. I still dislike blogs in general but for the rant to continue, something had to be done for a few reasons. First of all, this allows me to post smaller updates and not wait until i've accumulated a whole rant (which has recently taken months). Second, i can post photos. Third, it is a more direct feedback system that will keep all the feedback in one place. Fourth, there is less of a chance to lose information. Finally, it will (hopefully) expand the number of people who read my diatribes. So i am embracing my selloutness. Relish this moment because its likely to never happen again. And be thankful bitches, the blogger system is incredibly annoying to use if you're a pure HTML guy like myself. I must really love all of you.

So, without further ado:

Things i've learned from the commercials shown during I Love the 90s Part Deux:

-when buying maxi pads, apparently women look for "odor protection"

-parents are bastards and lie to their children

-Flavor Flav went from washed up nobody to overexposed celebrity faster than anyone since OJ Simpson

-apparently, Americans are so stupid that they want recreations of their terrible shows from 30 years ago

-that "a shift has been made"

-that Las Vegas makes old people liars and sex maniacs

-Larry King LOVES The Phantom of the Opera, but apparently everyone else thinks its shite

-speaking of Larry King, since when is he an authority on movies? he's just famous and a journalist so i guess it is not even acknowledged by the American people that he knows dick about movies. just like you wouldn't care if Al Roker or Chuck Scarborough loved a movie. i wish i was famous enough to be able to trick people that way.

On that note...BRIAN'S TOP TEN FILMS OF 2004:

10. The Incredibles

Even though "The Fantastic Four were the first fantastic family (holla back Ian, Liz, Erin and Kenny)," this was one of the best films of the year. Plus, part of me really enjoys the idea that little kids everywhere sat through 45 minutes of musings on middle age, infidelity, feelings of worth and Edith Head jokes just to get to the final battle sequences.

9. Collateral

Michael Mann is pretty much the only director who can get me excited about a non-comic book action movie. Not only that, but he uses both Jamie Foxx and Tom Cruise to the peak of their ability and made Mrs. Will Smith look both hot and like a good actress (something the Matrix films couldn't do).

8. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Wes Anderson is hands down the most creative director working today, and it says something when his worst film is still one of the ten best made this year. I never thought i would say this, but Jeff Goldblum steals this picture. And who can resist the adorable Bud Cort?

7. Spiderman 2
This movie made me geek out almost non-stop for 2 hours. Truly better than the original, which is damn hard to do. Kirsten Dunst is really hot, Alfred Molina is brilliant as Doc Ock, and i'll be damned if even a corny "I'm back on the moon!" line can't ruin this movie.

6. Before Sunset

The reason i know i've matured despite my still laughing at people falling down is my love for things this film and its prequel, Before Sunrise. Its this simple: 80 minutes in the life of two people who haven't seen each other in 9 years. That's it. They have 80 minutes until Ethan Hawke gets on a plane, and it is how they spend that time. Julie Delpy may also be the most beautiful actress working today.

5. Shaun of the Dead

The tagline says it all: "A Romantic Comedy. With Zombies." Fall down funny, scary at times, touching at others (the shit with his mother is truly sad), Shaun of the Dead was a pleasant surprise. Plus for a Zombie movie fan, there are tons of injokes featuring references to the Evil Dead series, Night of the Living Dead and others. Plus, using a Queen song in a zombie movie is too great to pass up.

4. Garden State

Another movie that hits on a lot of emotions, Garden State is an impressive debut for Zach Braff as a writer/director. And, to quote Barry from High Fidelity, the soundtrack kicks fucking ass. This reminds me why i love Natalie Portmann despite her shitty films. Plus, who can resist the adorable Ian Holm?

3. Kill Bill Vol. 2

Kill Bill Vol. 1 was a bloody mess, and i loved every second of it. Vol. 2 is significantly less bloody, but also significantly better. From the Superman monologue to the Western-theme, to the painfully complex Bill/Bride/daughter relationship and the sublime acting of David Carradine, Vol. 2, when taken in with Vol. 1, is one of the most enjoyable, and totally different bookends of all time.

2. Sideways

Paul Giammatti is the man. Hands down. This is the second year in a row that he has made the top 2 of my best films of the year list. Sideways is another indication of my maturity, as 5 years ago i would've been bored to tears by a movie about wine, golf, and infidelity. Alexander Payne, as a director, can perfectly walk the line of touching, funny and sad all at once.

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Like Wes Anderson, just because Charlie Kaufman's screenplay is his weakest yet, it doesn't mean that it isn't fantastic. An unlikely love story told from the breakup backwards, Jim Carey and Kate Winslet somehow make you start off hating their characters and you wind up loving them both. Plus, i have a soft spot for trick photography, Jon Brion scores and David Cross w/ a moustache. Only of two new films this year that I've watched twice (the other being Garden State), but this is a cut above.

Stay tuned for my Top 30 Albums of '04 Coming Soon.

To Comment, click where it says "__ Comments" and if you are a Blogger member, great, if not, click "Post Annonymously" and enjoy!