Wednesday, June 08, 2005

When i was 15...

When i was talking to Eileen last week, i mentioned how there were some things i wish i could tell my 15 year old self now to save him some grief/enlighten him about his future. Here are some of them:

-Hey Brian, what's up. Shave your head. People will respect you more. Then grow it long again just to piss them off. When you're 23, you'll have a job and the long hair just won't be so appropriate any more. Shave it to gain their respect, then fuck w/ 'em by growing it even longer. Oh yeah, and freshmen year of college, go mohawk. Don't pussy out like i did. DO IT.

-Believe it or not, one day you will have "El Shaddai" on your iPod. Oh, don't worry about trying to figure out what an iPod is.

-Avoid trying to date girls not named "Erin" - it'll just save time.

-Be cooler when meeting musicians you respect. Don't be obsessed with being their best friend, and take better photos with them. Wipe that wine lip off when you meet Frank Black the 2nd time, don't get drunk before taking a picture with Sufjan Stevens and whatever you do, don't allow the ridiculous number of chins in the photo with David Lovering. I still have never shown that to anyone i look so fat.

-Enjoy every fucking minute of college - i'm serious - if you don't, i'll go back and tell 14 year old Brian to punch himself in the balls exactly one year from that day

-Go on Habitat for Humanity w/ your junior class. I didn't feel like arguing with my then movie theater manager and skipped it, and i'm still kicking myself for not hearing Chin say "Shake the Milk Genius!" in person.

-Even though it may seem stupid now, believe me when i say that you should invent this sort of yo-yo thing that has a big, elasitc-y ball filled with water w/ sparkles in it, and attatch it to a long, elastic-y string with a loop around it. Call it a yo-yo ball. Copyright the idea and make millions.

-Pay more attention to Saved By the Bell - one day it won't be on all the time. Wait, thats a lie. But seriously, respect the post-dinner Growing Pains episodes. Those don't last.

-Get used to hanging out in Vinny's room.

-Go easy on Mark a little bit. One day he'll be taller than you. Actually, fuck that - hobble him so he can never be taller than you. MUCH better game plan.

-Take lots of video of Brandy while he is young and wild. One day he'll shit everywhere and have a hard time climbing stairs. Try and remember him the way he is.

-I just realized that last one sounded emo, and for that i apologize. But dogs choke a brother up

-I just realized you don't know what emo means - never learn.

-Get in better shape. That way, 23 year old you doesn't have to deal with the gut. Or, at least not as big of a gut.

-Don't even go see the Star Wars Prequels - in fact, if you can, stop them from happening. We'll call that "Operation Save Your Childhood." See the manilla folder under your bed.

-Try and care about cars. Really


At 6:57 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

I may steal this to do for my own blog. And tell yourself you don't have to care about cars, but you do have to care about a license.

At 2:27 AM, Blogger salvatore7117 said...

its a good thing you're looking back on me with so much wisdom, considering at the moment i could probably kick ur ass because im taller than you

At 11:29 AM, Blogger Erin said...

OMG, I laughed my ass off! If only...and yeah I'm going to have to steal it too!

At 12:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOLed for a minute after reading "Shake the Milk Genius" Does this Chen of which you speak realize that a phrase he said over 7 years ago has become such a legend?

At 12:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That last post was Ed by the way

At 6:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ouch with that third piece of advice brian! haha....ill let it slide tho ~kerri


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