Thursday, April 14, 2005

Why I Love Matt Popovich

mattpopovich: Have you heard about the new Pope comic book in Columbia?
GringoStarrRock: no
mattpopovich: He fights demons with an anti-devil cape and has special "chastity pants"
GringoStarrRock: that is awesome!
mattpopovich: I must have got a bunch of chastity pants by mistake because I can't seem to get my dick into anything
mattpopovich: that's what I get for letting my mom buy all my pants

Leading Candidate for a Full Chest Tatoo

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Some days you just can't get rid of a garbage can




How would one go about throwing away a garbage can? My current kitchen garbage can has once too many times been sullied by cheap garbage bags breaking, and no Lysol can eliminate its disgusting odor, so i want to get a new one, and throw this one out.

As far as i see it, my only option is to take it to a dumpster and throw it there. Otherwise, if i have a garbage can left out for the garbage men, they will assume that there is trash therein and open the lid and dump the non existant remains into their truck, eschewing my kitchen can to the curb with my proper, outdoor cans.

I thought about leaving a note "Take Me Mr. DPW!" (i think they would respond better to that than "Take Me Mr. Garbage Man/Mr. Waste Management/Low Level Mafioso!"), but if i were a garbage man, that note would appear suspicious. Perhaps i have a vengeful neighbor who would delight in nothing more than me losing the approx. $9.98 a new garbage can would cost me, and therefore has planted a note on my garbage can. Plus, let's be realistic here - are the garbage men really going to take the time to read every note they come across? I think not - they have a schedule to adhere to, and note reading just isn't part of that schedule. I would assume that a very long and thorough shower would be though. I gag just thinking of the smell of a garbage truck directly before "doing the nasty" (that is cleaning it out with push brooms, for those not familiar with the cinematic classic Men at Work staring brothers Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estavez as garbage men who fall into hillariously cooky situations involving a corpse wearing a Richard Nixon mask, a french fry loving/cop hating Keith David {whom many of you know from his role in There's Something About Mary - "Is it the frank or the beans?"}, and 80s stalwart character actor Dean Cameron, who is most famous for his role as Francis 'Chainsaw' Gremp in Summer School, who here plays a pizza man caught in the middle! In case you haven't seen it, now i know you understand its mastery of the art of the motion picture. Add it to your Netflix queue NOW!).

The other option i thought of was putting the can inside of a LARGER garbage bag, and leaving it out on the curb. But then i have to either a) buy a whole box of uselessly huge bags or b) steal one from work. And i'm no thief, so i guess it's either buy a huge garbage bag, or walk around back and throw it in the Pool Store/Christmas Gift Store (i shit you not) and use their dumpster. To quote Adam West, "Bon voyage, pussy." Oh, i mean, "Some days you just can't get rid of a [garbage can]."

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Atom and His Package

This is Adam Goren, aka Atom.


His package is a sequencing synthesizer.

Together they made music until 2003, when Adam retired Atom for good. Atom and His Package are a band (if you can really call it that) that truly divides people - you love 'em or you hate 'em (I remember freshmen year of college Sean Williamson openly hating A&HP). Adam's voice is shrill and not very good, the Package's sounds are cheesy and computerized but if you begin to look deeper you find something really interesting.

First of all, a lot of Atom's songs are very funny. "Happy Birthday Ralph," "Pumping Iron for Enya," and "Mustache TV" are all hillarious in their own ways ("Ralph" is about his once fat friend, "Enya" is a love song for the New-Age artist, and "TV" is about how if you take a piece of scotch tape, draw a moustache on it and place it in the middle of your television set, hillarity ensues). However, many of the "funny" songs really have serious social commentary found within. For instance, "Hats Off to Halford" is a song about Judas Priest singer Rob Halford coming out of the closet, and how this will be a good thing on the macho, homophobic world of heavy metal. Or Atom's take on stupid punk rock ethics "Anarchy Means I Litter," which talks about how at punk shows you see people wearing anarchy t-shirts and who think that gives them the right to piss on the floors, not use a garbage can, etc. He also has a song about racism "If You Own the Washington Redskins You're a Cock," a song about the conservative media's claim of a Jewish agenda called "What we do on Christmas," a song about the trials of moving "Possession (Not the one by Danzing)," and a pro-Metric system song (of which i totally relate) "(Lord It's Hard to be Happy When You're Not) Using the Metric System."

I'm glad there are people like Goren out there making music, because i'm sure that a large chunk of his audience doesn't know they're singing about the mistreatment of non-atheletes in "Punk Rock Academy" or that so many of the lyrics are socially relevant, but after awhile the point has to get to them, and hopefully, some of them will change for the better.

He's not for everyone, but Atom (and Package) are already missed.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Cheney PiƱata