Sunday, February 06, 2005

The Worst Gumball of All Time

so today i was going to the bank, and on my way out, i spotted out of the corner of my eye a gumball machine in the local blockbuster video. This should have been my frist clue to stay away, but who am i to listen to reason?

i go inside, place my quarter in the slot as the clerk is staring at me literally slack jawed - his mouth was wide open as if no one has ever bought a gumball from there. after this experience, i now know why.

so, the ball starts its descent - sour apple, yes! of all the flavors in this machine, i was hoping for either a sour apple or a blue one (blueberry? blue raspberry? do i care?). so, i take the ball out of the metal dealy and place it in my mouth.

briefly i thought "man it would suck to swallow one of these." luckily that tragedy didn't befall me, but one surely did.

so i bit into this gumball, and it exploded into roughly a dozen SHARP pieces. enough for me to say "ow!" and spit them into my hand. this gumball was apparently 100% hollow, and therefore cracked like a ceramic golfball in my mouth.

(by the by, i have never bitten a ceramic golfball, i am just assuming)

so, i place all the pieces, one by one back in my mouth and mash them into a workable piece of gum. and for about 10 seconds it was quite flavorful. then it died. it became work to chew this flavorless chunk of goo, so i spit it out.

worst two bits i ever spent.


At 4:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At 4:45 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

That's the sad thing about vending machines with loose items: if they're wrapped and they have a date, you know they're fresh. Unwrapped/loose items of candy can look so wonderful and then they're just a mess. What a disappointment!

At 1:07 AM, Blogger Dave said... machine gumballs. I always wondered why my parents told me to stay away from those machines. I thought it was the PCP sprinkled near the trap, or lead poisoning from the old paint, but alas, it's because once broken they can be used as a weapon against others.

And, as you have shown B, against yourself.

Don't ever trust cheap, chinsy, capitalist Chinese products...they're cheap, chinsy and come from an oxymoron.



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